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Rape/abuse victims : What if this happens?


billya

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Just imagine that the guy who abused/raped you, after a long period of time, confesses to the police about his crime. He then apologises to you, through some way. Would you be ready to forgive him and move on? Would you get closure knowing that he is receiving his just punishment?

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Well, I'm a very forgiving and understanding person... so yes, I would forgive them. I wouldn't care how much "punishment" to whatever degree, and my forgiving him would have nothing to do with the punishment that the law gives him. His receiving punishment from the law has nothing to do with my forgiveness towards him, but how I feel he has truly been sorry for what he's done. I know not many people think like me and most would be like "hell no, let him rot in hell"... But I don't think that way and it's sad that society's so focused on punishing rather than forgiving the wrongdoings of others... Just my thoughts.

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Well, I'm a very forgiving and understanding person... so yes, I would forgive them. I wouldn't care how much "punishment" to whatever degree, and my forgiving him would have nothing to do with the punishment that the law gives him. His receiving punishment from the law has nothing to do with my forgiveness towards him, but how I feel he has truly been sorry for what he's done. I know not many people think like me and most would be like "hell no, let him rot in hell"... But I don't think that way and it's sad that society's so focused on punishing rather than forgiving the wrongdoings of others... Just my thoughts.

 

There are some things that are unforgivable in my book. A man violently raping a young teen is one of them.

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Is he really receiving any punishment? If he just makes a statement and you don't testify, then nothing is going to happen to him.

 

Why won't you testify? If he gets the just punishment, only then you can get closure, right? If he confesses and the victim doesn't testify, then that insults the law of the land.

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There are some things that are unforgivable in my book. A man violently raping a young teen is one of them.

 

I agree.

 

Most of the time the only reason they are apologizing is to appear they have changed so their sentence will be lighter.

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Why won't you testify? If he gets the just punishment, only then you can get closure, right? If he confesses and the victim doesn't testify, then that insults the law of the land.

 

That's what I'm asking. You made it sound like he was receiving his punishment by just going to the police.

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I agree.

 

Most of the time the only reason they are apologizing is to appear they have changed so their sentence will be lighter.

 

If that's the case, then why confess anyway? In this hypothetical situation, the man confesses after a long period of time. There is no need for him to confess now.

 

I do understand your feelings about rape. It is quite a traumatic crime.

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If that's the case, then why confess anyway? In this hypothetical situation, the man confesses after a long period of time. There is no need for him to confess now.

 

I do understand your feelings about rape. It is quite a traumatic crime.

 

To do the right thing. To provide closure to the ones whose lives you've severely altered.

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It'd be better than him never taking responsibility for his crime, certainly. It might give me some sense of closure and justice, especially if he were properly punished.

 

Forgiveness? I don't know. I'd be angry if such a person expected forgiveness. I wouldn't feel I owed him that.

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If that's the case, then why confess anyway? In this hypothetical situation, the man confesses after a long period of time. There is no need for him to confess now.

 

I do understand your feelings about rape. It is quite a traumatic crime.

 

I think its one of those things that you wont know unless you are in that situation.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I would definitely forgive him. Well, I've already forgiven him, I think. Anywho, I think it would be extremely validating. It would be wonderful if he confessed to the authorities.

 

On one hand, I would say, I don't care if he doesn't go to jail. On the other hand, I don't think he'll ever stop raping women, so jail is probably the best place for him.

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  • 2 weeks later...

With me, it wasn't like it was a one off event, i could maybe forgive a one off event, but impossible for me to forgive something that went on for so long when i was young and defenceless, because there is such obvious and prolonged intention.

 

There is, however, much benefit in being able to forgive your abuser.

 

An apology from my abuser? I couldn't possibly take that very seriously, like, "oh, sorry, i didn't mean it" just ridiculous.

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Also to note, you don't need to tell your offender/abuser that you forgive him. He doesn't even need to know.

 

To me, forgiving is about detaching yourself from the abuser so that you can release any attachment, mainly negative feelings, you have towards him.

 

But like I said, no need to inform anyone that you did forgive him.

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Waveseer is right. Forgiveness is the only thing that will allow you to let go of the pain. Forgiving someone who hurt you that badly can be very difficult, but it will help YOU in the end. If you never forgive him, you will feel that pain and hate for the rest of your life. Those feelings do nothing to hurt him, they only hurt you. Forgiveness may take years, but once you've finally done it, you'll finally be able to move on. Don't think that forgiving him means that "he wins." He wins if you hold onto that hatred and let his offense effect you forever. You can only win when you let go.

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