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Without giving my identity away I will say I had a decade plus affair with a nonblood related relative. It started when I was 18 yrs old there is a 15+ year age difference and im the younger one. I realized I wanted more out of life and how wrong it was over a year ago. I was kept in this situation through guilt and fear since day one. I care for this person but fear I will never be free. Everyday is a new guilt trip and NC isnt easy since I need to make sure our paths dont cross. This causes me to alienate my family and act unresponsive to their invitations. If it came to light what has happened in the past My life is ruined for good. I have an otherwise normal life and Im having trouble moving on with it. If I enjoy myself I feel guilty so I never try.

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Welcome to ENA.

 

Well living with guilt is not an otherwise normal life in my opinion. It seems to me that you have been preyed upon by an older person and it has lasted through your young life.

If it all came out your life would not be over, just different. This older person has more to loose than you so you shouldn't worry about being outed by her.

What you have been living isn't really your life is it? Until you free yourself from this situation you will never know what your life really is. I think you know what you need to do. Doing it will be the difficult part. I suggest you start dating people closer to your own age and living YOUR life. Once you see what an open and honest relationship can be like it will not be hard to see this other person in social settings.

 

Lost

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Thank you. I have been wanting to propose to my girlfriend. The reason I havent is the guilt that I have left this person to suffer while my life gets better if I get engaged then I cant say Im not dating and everything will blow up. I have the $ and know this girl is the right one for me but my past is holding me back.Im looking for a way rid myself of the guilt.

@ 18 years old an affair sounds good and I didnt have a clue how much it stunted my growth until now. I wasnt forced into anything so Im as guilty.

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May I suggest a long engagement. This will allow you to adjust to a more realistic type of life. The time will allow you to deal with any unpleasantness that may come up. Your gf did not sign on for this so try and deal with your past COMPLETELY before starting your future.

There is one more thing. It seems you have never been really alone. There is something to being alone and knowing yourself. I am not suggesting you breakup with your real gf but consider the baggage you are carrying and how long it might take to deal with it before anything else is started.

 

Best wishes

Lost

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Ive been alone in the sense of my having my own home, toys and doing whatever i wanted whenever i wanted. It got old doing things by myself. I think I missed out on developing relationship savy but i'm happy with who I've become. Do you think I still need to grow up besides relationship wise?

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Learning to live with and share everything about your life with someone else just doesn't happen overnight. I don't think "growing up" is the right term. Perhaps real world experience is what you need more than anything and of course you can only get that from doing.

Leave your old dysfunctional relationship behind and look for everything wonderful a close, open relationship can bring to your life.

 

Lost

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