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"Dumb" question? What is love?


solitaryone

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This may seem strange, but I am one of those people who have never experienced love. I really have only an intellectual concept of what love might be, but no personal knowledge. Even though I have never had a problem getting along with people, I've never had a close relationship with anyone. Since this is a lifelong issue for me, I wonder if it is something that can be fixed, or am I doomed? Being alone and unwanted for so long has left me with the belief that life really is pointless, yet I am not in any rush to end my life, even though I probably will someday.

 

It's weird, but I can barely make sense of what people mean when they talk about love. it's frustrating.

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Everyones experience and definition of love is different. It is an abstract concept which many different meanings and a combination of several differnt emotions and feelings.

 

There are many types of love, romantic love to me, is when you share a lot with one person, you love them in a friendly way, and in the romantic way. Its when you share a connection different to the one you share wiht anyone else.

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It's weird, but I can barely make sense of what people mean when they talk about love. it's frustrating.

 

You are not alone in not experiencing love. For me, I think it just comes down to lack of experience. If you have never been loved, felt love, affectionately loved another, I think it is very easy to naturally separate self from typical love style experiences others perform so naturally, day to day.

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To be honest, I think your idea and opinion of what love is grows as you get older. I was engaged at 16, and thought I was in love. Looking back know I wasn't, and didn't even know what love was.

 

It's hard to quantify, and is different for every person.

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Good question..

 

I tend to over-rationalise and don't form attachments easily, but would say there are three types of 'Love'..

 

Love paid backwards

To my parents and siblings - Those who nurtured me, grew up alongside me and know me better than I care to admit, Those who will always accept me and support me through thick and thin (been through the thinnest times of my life recently). Those who love me unconditionally..

 

Love paid forwards

To my children.. I would put my children's needs, safety and security above those of my family without question. The only people that have my unconditional, selfless love.

 

Transient Love

Well, this part is what you make it.. And where I struggle with the definitions.

 

I say transient because over a lifetime you'll probably find it, lose it, want to end it or have it ended for you at least once.

But you'll always bounce back if draw on the memory of each time that you made a move, went out there, took a risk, opened up to someone and had the joy of it being reciprocated.

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To me loving is giving - that's how you show love and being inspired to give to a person is love and also perpetuates (and can even create) love. Love is also a feeling but that is more like a car wash - a feeling that washes over you - which also means it can rinse off without rhyme or reason. But continuing to give to a person (especially in the way they need to be given to, which might be different from what you want to do, such as giving a person space when you feel needy for his attention) is the active form of love and one which we have control over. Obviously you feel what you feel but choosing to give can revive and enhance feelings of love.

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