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Guys: How do you know that the girl you are dating is "the one"?


Should I Stay Or Leave My Relations...
Should I Stay Or Leave My Relationship

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On Marriage:

 

Do you get the feeling very early on, or does it grow over time and you decide that she is the one you want to marry or be with for a long-term relationship?

 

Does age also play a part in this, or do you just know its meant to be?

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I don't feel there is an exact answer to this question. It should vary from person to person on when they "know". For me, I need time to get to know this person. Decide if this is a person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I need to be able to connect emotionally and physically. To ensure that we are both compatible. As far as marriage or long term relationships at a young age, again will probably vary from person to person. I don't think it matters necessarily. As long as the couple is mature and isn't too hasty with their decisions on marriage.

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No one knows if someone is truly the one and anyone who says that they know a person is the one is only expressing their feelings as to why they want the girl to be the one. Typically the girl will be a good amount of what the guy is looking for in addition to how he feels about her.

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No one knows if someone is truly the one and anyone who says that they know a person is the one is only expressing their feelings as to why they want the girl to be the one. Typically the girl will be a good amount of what the guy is looking for in addition to how he feels about her.

 

Very well-said.

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My boyfriend said he has a feeling i'd be the one when we first started dating because we just seemed to fit and suit eachother. We arent witout problems, but as time goes on (almost a year we've been going out soon) He says he realises more and more that I am 'the one' just because we are compatible in life and hes never felt the same way about anyone else.

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Sounds like most people tend to think that there exists "the one" out there somewhere.

 

Would hate to debunk anyone's ideals, but to a large extent, the feeling that someone is "the one" may be mostly the fabrication of the mass media. True, physical attraction and chemistry exists initially, but marriage depends on constant effort on both parties involved, rather than this intangible emotion which is quoted more often than not. If both partners are willing to work to sustain the marriage, then the relationship will work irrespective of whether you feel she is the "the one". To support this argument, consider arranged marriages --> there would be couples who marry, who would not even be aware that there may be someone out there considered as "the one".

 

"the one", or romantic love, may be understood historically as a consequence of a combination of factors: freedom of choice movement, economic stability, attainment of free time due to increased productivity from technological advances, leading to the sublimation of primitive sexual desires into what we now call "romantic love" - the latter was based on Sigmond Freud. In support of this, in Roman times romantic love was practically non-existant except in the courtesan or the aristocratic society.

 

So, my point would be, you could potentially marry anyone if you worked hard enough at the relationship, and compromised enough. To what extent you are willing however, would depend on your informed choice - we do live in a capitalist economy nowadays.

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Lots of people actually do marry anyone..because they just want to be married..they are looking at marriage as a business, as a way to decrease loneliness, as a way to get a certain social standing, as a way to get money etc. Those people are not interested in "the one". Marriage does indeed take work..but personally I would rather work at it with "the one"..romantic love..than work at it with someone I just married in order to be married.

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Lots of people actually do marry anyone..because they just want to be married..they are looking at marriage as a business, as a way to decrease loneliness, as a way to get a certain social standing, as a way to get money etc. Those people are not interested in "the one". Marriage does indeed take work..but personally I would rather work at it with "the one"..romantic love..than work at it with someone I just married in order to be married.

 

Lol does that make me a sociopath?

 

Romantic love has its merits. If you would consider Havelock Ellis' "Little Essays of Love and Virtue", she convincingly argued that though the primary object of marriage is procreation, the evolution of romantic love has refined such endevours to give rise to secondary functions of marriage. She argued that romance had required primitive human impulses to travel on slower, more painful paths, yielding high adventures in art, religion, sciences etc.

 

Nepoleon Hill also referred to this phenomenon in "Think and Grow Rich" as a means to self-help.

 

But it doesn't change it from what it is - a byproduct of freedom of choice and us having the means to choose, and mass media commercialism. That said, I would also choose to believe in romantic love because everyone idealises it - we live in a society after all. But what I am saying, is that feeling your gf/bf is "the one" does not equate to marriage success - marriage success depends on something entirely independent from romantic love, and that is work and effort to sustain the relationship: communication, compromise, doing your chores, listening, understanding etc. Cleaning your shower and taking out the rubbish every week is hardly romantic is it?

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Yes, I agree with you...love does not conquer all. Actually romantic love does indeed hinge on communication, compromise, doing chores, listening, understanding etc. Many couples fall out of love when there is too much strife in the other areas. Finding "the one" is often based on the honeymoon period notion of romantic love....but for me romantic love is not just about lust, it is about feeling a total connection with someone, heart, body and soul. That connection can thrive as long as there is mostly peace and understanding in the relationship. That connection disintegrates when there is strife..when each feels the other is not pulling their weight in the relationship.

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