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Men falling too quickly?


baxtermeow

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Ive been thinking about this for a while, and I cant figure out what to do/what the deal is, so I figured Id ask for your opinions.

The problem I've been having is men fall in love with me very, very quickly. I know that sounds like I'm some egotistical crazy person, but I wouldnt be saying it if it hadnt happened with every man I have dated for the past 3 years. I can't figure out what Im doing to make them act this way, or what I should do to have it not happen again.

I'm not like some super hot, amazingly perfect girl. I'm 22, very shy, chubby, awkward, and just generally not the type of girl you'd think guys would be losing their minds over. I don't sleep around, I've only had sex with one man, so I know its not sex their after.

The thing is, every time, within two weeks of seeing each other, they tell me they love me, want to marry me, all that mushy stuff that I would love to hear if I knew they really meant it, but it never lasts. It always ends up fading away, or they get too clingy and weird and I have to end it. I try not to lead them on, or change myself to make them think I'm different than I really am. Ive seen many girls do this and it never ends well, so I just try to be myself from the very beginning.

 

My question is, what can I do to not let this happen again? Or, from what you can gather, what is causing it in the first place? Many thanks in advance

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In my exerience (19yo guy, slightly shy, likes cute, ever-so-slightly chubby, geeky girls), I've found that often I can fall too fast, simply because I'll open up and get her to open up quickly, so I'll like her more, she'll reciprocate, I'll fall more, she'll fall more etc etc.

 

Basically I can be very "reactionary", meaning that I'll often fall for a great girl as fast as she lets me.

 

And, ok, I've never proposed marriage, but I've fallen hard fast, and it's caused problems.

 

What can you do? Do what my current girl did. Be a little more independent and assertive. Don't act like the faster he falls the faster you fall. Give the impression that if he falls too fast, he'll look a little silly proposing marriage when you, y'know, only like him a little bit *so far*.

 

Don't be aloof or play games, but just make sure he's staying realistic. Some guys fall into the trap of "girls want emotional connection, so I can fasttrack that and she'll like me more".

 

You get what I mean?

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Perhaps you just have some sort of emotionally stimulating personality and mannerisms that you're not aware of? And maybe you really are good looking even though you seem to be hitting yourself over that?

 

^^This.

 

Girls in particular seem not to realise that for a helluva lot of guys, "unconventionally cute" can be a lot more alluring than "hot", "sexy" or (model) "beautiful".

 

Chuck a cute face on a cuddly girl, and a pinch of shy, and you get kryptonite.

 

Chuck a picture up on your profile page if you want an assessment

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Well, you shouldn't change who you are or whatever it is you do to make them fall for you so quickly. I think the best thing you can do to make sure the relationship goes at a realistic pace is establish from the beginning with whomever you are dating that you want to take things slow. That's the only advice I have to give that doesn't require you sacrificing a part of who you are.

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I can totally relate. Most men tell me they love me within the first month (I'm not bragging, they just do). But it NEVER lasts. And they always are the dumper. Usually, I get left for someone else. So, all I can conclude, is when they say it so fast, it's not real love. Real love doesn't disappear overnight.

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Is it possible that you've just met a few guys that were emotionally needy? In my experiance those that do this tend to wrap the women up into a little ball called 'my life' and it spirals from there.

 

Those that are somewhat stronger tend not to. I also agree that falling fast is generally being in love with the 'idea' of you rather than actually being in love with you. Just my 2p.

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I can totally relate. Most men tell me they love me within the first month (I'm not bragging, they just do). But it NEVER lasts. And they always are the dumper. Usually, I get left for someone else. So, all I can conclude, is when they say it so fast, it's not real love. Real love doesn't disappear overnight.

 

Ditto....and men are visual, so they tend to fall in 'lust' and not 'love'....

 

Love comes after, the lust wears off......which is why a lot of men don't stick around...the lust has worn off and there's nothing left, to sustain the relationship...

 

Men also confuse lust with love. Read that somewhere, but can't remember where...

 

A man who appears to fall hard and fast isn't in love with you.

You have to know someone, inside and out, to say you can love someone and that doesnt happen overnight nor in two weeks.

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I've had guys tell me they love me and after a few conversations....

 

PLAYER looking for quick sex, springs to mind....

 

LOL

..

I have found most of the time they are not even players, though. It's what you said - they are confusing lust with love. They actaully think they love you when they say it, but they don't.

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