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30 years old, single, all my friends now married with kids.


AlwayzRight

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Well all my friends are now officially married with kids while I am single. It sucks because it is like now I do not have anyone to hang out with anymore..it is lonely and makes me feel lost as if life is starting to pass me by. My ex of 3.5 years and best friend left me 8 months ago and I could always count on her to be up for something. Now it just sucks cause I feel like I have noone. I feel like I have nothing in common with my friends anymore. I like to go out and do stuff and now it seems all they want to do is sit around and talk about thier families or the new recipe that they just tried...it really is just to boring to me. I work nights and have met alot of new people since my ex left me but noone has stood out as someone that I could have a significant relationship with. As I said I work overnights in a job that I hate but cant get a new one, so now pretty much I do nothing during the day and then go to work and repeat the process until the weekend where if I am lucky one of my friends will go out with me. I cant seem to meet any women. All I ever meet is women in bars and have got the occasional number but noone has really sparked my interest to the point where I would ask them out for a date. It is just so lonely, I feel lost, I feel the people closest to me are so distant. I feel like life is passing me by. It is weird because I envy what my friends have. I envy that they are happy and in love, happy with a family. I thought I was going to have that. I was head head over heals in love with my ex and thought we would be the ones experiencing what so many of my firends have now. To experience love and then lose it makes you want it that much more again. I guess it is like a drug that hooks you and once you have had that high you always want to have it.

 

I don't know if this is the right forum for this. I dont know how to shake this feeling of feeling so lost in life right now. I apologize for the vent session. I just had to get some stuff out because I really dont have anyone that I can talk to about how I feel anymore. I am just really hating life right now...in just about every aspect of mine.

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Hi there Alwizright,

 

If it is any comfort to you at all, i am a 33 and has broken up with my ex-bf abt 8 months ago too. and i know exactly what you're going through - the thoughts of thinking that you're going to be happy and have a family of your own with the love of your life.

 

And i know about the envious feelings. Like am i not a good person? - do i not deserve what they have? But i tell myself to be happy for my friends and families who have found happiness. and no matter how badly you feel, put on a brave front and smile and before you know it you'll find that there is still a little something for you to be happy about. Have the faith that you'll find happiness.

 

You have days to do things. Cultivate some hobbies. once you're engrossed in one you'll find your mind concentrating on it.

 

And come'on. You're a 30 year old bachelor guy. surely very eligible by my books

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I was married at 30, divorced at 34, and am now dating who I think is the love of my life.

 

I think that you need to stop looking for someone and cultivate yourself. You are not going to meet anyone of quality at a bar. There may be quality women there, but they probably aren't out for that if you meet them there, or they think that you can't be quality because of where they met you.

 

One thing is to volunteer for causes you care about. Or take a class. Join a Meetup group that is about something you enjoy doing. I met tons of quality people doing that. Of course, many are not dating material. Some may be married, or are way too young, or way too out of my age range the other way. BUt, that is good, because you will be yourself with them (no pressure) when you regularly see them, and when they just may have sisters, best friends, daughters, etc to introduce you to. When you are at ease, you will meet people and make connections.

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I'll bet some of those married friends of yours are envious of YOU.

 

Im in the same boat...30, single, blah blah - but when I start to get down about it I remember that my married buddies are jealous of me for BEING single, so it can't be all bad, right?

 

I say just try to enjoy it, you won't be single forever. And in the meantime, try to do things that your friends and their families, kids and whatnot can do with you, like camping and the sort. Everyone loves a good camping trip!

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I always had friends who were single and I got married this past year at age 42. I made sure to live in an area that was saturated with single people and to do activities through which I would meet single people. I also had/have many married friends and can relate to the "boredom" and feeling left out -- although that didn't happen with all of them. Is it possible for you to get involved in more singles related activities and/or relocate to an area that is more popular with singles? I continued to make new and new close friends in my 30s and beyond - if I can, you can!

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If you read some of my recent posts, you will see that there are people like you (I'm one of those) who are in similar boats.

Everyone's life works out differently. Some get married in 30s, some in 40s. some never do. Thats okay. The most important thing is that you have a plan for YOUR personal life and things that depend on others (like gf/bf, getting married, having a baby) let them not stress you so much (This advice applies to me too), because you can't live your own life looking at someone else. Feeling envious is not a good feeling. How long are you gonna feel this way looking at a couple? Keep working on yourself. Keep working on your career goals. Have little little dreams for your own life. See yourself achieve 'em. That brings pleasure and happiness. Don't stress about things that are outside your control. It only brings worry and anxiety. Live your life, other things just sorta fill in around you.

Take care.

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well i'm only 20 years old so i don't know if my advice or input will be helpful to you at all. but my mom is single (she is divorced from my dad) and has been for awhile...she's 45.

she has no plans on getting remarried. she loves her job and me and my sister are her life. i don't know if that was a good example, but my point was that she is perfectly happy and fulfilled being single. she travels a lot and she has found her "niche". she has passion and drive, and i know many people who are married or in a relationship or have kids that don't have that.

so although you dont have kids or a girlfriend or a fiancee, dont let that define your life. being in a relationship does not complete your life. it enhances it, yes. but there are other ways to live fulfillingly.

 

you are 30. it's not like you're 99 on your deathbed without ever experiencing some type of love.

i understand you go to work at nights. is there anyway you can pick up a hobby during the day or take up some classes, like tennis or cooking?

learn how to dance, go to the gym, join a class. there are loads of opportunities out there, you just have to know where to look. i used to be unhappy because i didn't have many friends anymore because i was in a relationship and i secluded myself from everyone. i didn't do anything all day, i just spent money, ate, went to sleep. but then i found things to occupy my day and now i feel like i actually have meaning. like i'm not just wasting my life away.

life really is too short to be anything but happy.

if all else fails, volunteer or do community service. you can meet some great people! it never hurts to help others.

 

you can experience love in other ways besides being in a relationship. you can experience the love of a dog, who will wait by your door when you come home from work. you can experience love by helping hospital patients, or reading to the elderly. love doesnt always have to come from a girlfriend

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I totally hear ya.

 

A few weeks ago, my workplace had a home party and the person who invited was saying, "Yes, please bring your wife, kids, loved ones...it'll be fun!"... Obviously it wasn't meant to be malicious but I couldn't help but read it the wrong way. How about those who are single? Yeah, so I didn't go. Probably didn't miss anything.

 

Also, even if you have something going on in your life, it can still feel like a burden. I go to night classes and have hobbies of my own, but that doesn't help me remove my pain of being single.

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The great thing about being single with no kids is, if you have a little courage, you can jump on almost any adventure. Pack up the car with what will fit, sell everything else, and go to a new city. Or go teach English abroad for a year... many places will pay all your expenses to do that. Or join the Peace Corps.

 

A person can do anything if they can get past their fears of stepping away from safety and security. Tara Dakides sold her stereo for $300 and bought a Greyhound ticket out of town with no plan. Look where she is now.

 

The most important thing to remember is that people are not trapped by their circumstances, but only by their fears. So have the courage to make a change!

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The great thing about being single with no kids is, if you have a little courage, you can jump on almost any adventure. Pack up the car with what will fit, sell everything else, and go to a new city. Or go teach English abroad for a year... many places will pay all your expenses to do that. Or join the Peace Corps.

 

A person can do anything if they can get past their fears of stepping away from safety and security. Tara Dakides sold her stereo for $300 and bought a Greyhound ticket out of town with no plan. Look where she is now.

 

The most important thing to remember is that people are not trapped by their circumstances, but only by their fears. So have the courage to make a change!

 

Indeed. I've traveled a lot since childhood, so I really don't have much fear in going to new places. In fact, my next adventure will begin next year! I can't wait to get out of where I am now.

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I am 26.

 

At least your still in your 20's. I can't believe my 20's is gone and now I'm 31, still dateless and the years are going by so fast! I can't believe this year is almost over. I remember when I turned 30 I felt so sad that day and cried many times, it sucks not being able to experience dating in my 20's now I'm in my 30's and it will fly by fast and soon I will be 40

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I have two best friends that are married with kids and they are totally different now. I used to have fun weekends with them now they look down on me for still "living like a 18 year old" (I'm 28)

 

My big brother is married with a family and we still hang out though. Mostly he just invites me over. I can tell that he misses the freedom and actually having his own money.

 

I don't know. I'm so nostalgic about my teens in the 90's that I'm enjoying my single carefree life. It's missing the fun weekends with friends but oh well.

 

I basically live in the past in order to be happy. I always made comic books and my life dream was to be a pro comic creator but that dream died.

 

I still live with my parents and my mom wishes I could meet a girl but she knows that since now most girls my age have kids or are married that it's a slim chance.

 

They don't mind since I'm the only one who can deal with all the technology and fix the computers and stuff. I have a job and pay for all my own groceries and stuff.

 

It's possible that I might be able to support myself if I lived in some crappy apartment in a bad part of town,. but why make my life worse? I'll just stay at home until I decide to end my life at the right time.

 

But that doesn't mean I can't enjoy life a bit until I go.

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Meh, the prospect of marriage seems overrated. It seems like so much work. A lot of the older guys at work seem to hate being married with kids. After taking a look at these things, I think I'm happier being by myself.

 

I'm too lazy to have any meaningful relationships anyways; hell, I don't even have the energy to go out with friends.

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  • 7 months later...
  • 7 months later...
Hi

 

More and more of my friends are getting married. We need to do something about it!

But that does not means simply just grab anyone available.

We must believe that we will able to meet our soul mate some day some how.....

 

I am glad I believed I would find a good match for me and that I put in the effort -time, emotional and physical energy, and yes financial too, to be a good match for someone and take the risks necessary to put myself out there and actively socialize/mingle/network/date,etc. I didn't take the "someday my prince/soulmate" will come attitude which would have been an excuse to,or at least a real temptation to, be passive and rely on abstract notions of fate and soulmate. Yet, I can describe the way my husband and I connected as "fate" and "when you least expect it" -that is partly true but the boring truth is, I was finally ready to commit to a healthy relationship and after the "honeymoon" period settled down, the excitement of a brand new relationship it took my (and his) maintaining healthy attitudes/mindsets, keeping our eye on the prize and having reasonable expectations of each other that got us to each stage we wanted-- and no the work doesn't end but it is mostly joyful work or work with a joyful, peaceful/content result.

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  • 5 months later...

Ugh for single guys nothing is worse than when someone say to them oh it's all ok if you’re single, its fine if you’re single for life or you'll eventually find someone!!! Ughhhhh we don't want to hear those copout from your happy already hooked up married life. We don't want to spend the holidays alone, with the family without having a girlfriend. It gets damn old with the holidays not having a girlfriend. Married people to single people are no help all they do say this passive sh*t that we don't want to hear. Then the single friend asks if their friends has single friends or can hook them up and it's always either they are too busy with their precious lives, all of their friends are all hooked up, married and have their own families. We single people don't want to hear your BS of (oh it's alright, you'll eventually find someone) for eff sakes were saying is either help us out or have some answers and quit passing us off and giving us the brush-off. Do something for your single friends instead of always slamming the door in their faces cause you don't want to be bothered with your precious married life. If you want your single friends to quit hounding you then help out and don’t just get them anyone to brush them off and out of your married life. If married couples have single friends I think it should be their duty to help out and get them hooked up if they are having a hard time getting hooked up.

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If married couples have single friends I think it should be their duty to help out and get them hooked up if they are having a hard time getting hooked up.

 

It is not their obligation to find you a date. That is your responsibility. Your post sounds incredibly angry. If you are having trouble dating, maybe the anger is a big part of that?

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It is not their obligation to find you a date. That is your responsibility. Your post sounds incredibly angry. If you are having trouble dating, maybe the anger is a big part of that?

 

I got married at 42 so I was single, dating and in relationships for almost 25 years before I reconnected with my husband. For many years I've set up and introduced my single friends to people if they were open to it. I continue to do that as much as possible. I'd never say anything to my single friends like in that post above nor would I think it (and if I did I'd dismiss the thought - the dating scene is tough if you want to find a good match). I don't ask my single friends if they're dating anyone unless I have someone I want to introduce them to and need to know if they're available. They share their dating/relationship stories with me and come to me for input/advice- not because I'm married because I've only been married 2 years. I talk to them about everything under the sun - domestic stuff if that's what we feel like talking about it. I don't know why single people have to be labeled so often as "wild" or without responsibility and married women only talk about recipes, etc. So far from the truth and reality and sad when people stereotype like that (including for those single people who dump their friends when their friend gets married -and, among other things, cut off another path to meeting someone).

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I got married at 42 so I was single, dating and in relationships for almost 25 years before I reconnected with my husband. For many years I've set up and introduced my single friends to people if they were open to it. I continue to do that as much as possible.

 

I think it's an amazingly nice thing to do- but I don't think that anyone is obligated to do it. I don't consider my married/coupled friends responsible for my lovelife, and in my opinion nor should Mook.

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