Am I Wasting His Time?

[Pinkbubbles]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little under 2 years. I love him. He makes me really happy, and for the most part I am completely content with our relationship. But lately I have been doing a lot of thinking about our situation.

 

A few things to know...

 

I am 22 and I am entering into my last years of post secondary education. When I am done my schooling I plan to go backpacking for an indefinite time. I was open about my plans when we first started our relationship and we both decided we wanted to enter a relationship for the time being. He is 23 and has just bought his first house, therefore he can't go travelling with me.

 

Another thing about us is our ex's. He talks to his ex on occasion, less frequently now than a few months back, only because I voiced my concern about it. But he gets very defensive when I ask about their conversations and when I talk about my concerns....I feel like there is still something there between them. And then there is my ex. The first person I fell in love with, and the person I felt I would marry. Him and I were on and off for nearly 3 years. We had this crazy mad love, where we knew the timing was not right and we couldn't do anything about it, but we couldn't let one another go. Finally he called it off and from there I moved on with my current boyfriend. Since I have been with my boyfriend my ex has proclaimed his love and mistakes and intentions for me on 3 separate occassions, and each time he has made me question my current relationship. (I have not cheated.)

 

Based on the idea that I may be keeping my current boyfriend from getting back together with his ex, where there may still be feelings, or that I am preventing him from finding someone else. I am wondering if I am being selfish by being with my boyfriend until I go travelling? Recent conversations with coworkers have made me question myself and I have started to feel guilty.

 

Any thoughts?! Let me know what you think please.

Thank You.

[dreamwarrior]

If you don't know what you want right now, break up with him until you do.

[Jenni Lee]

Just like you are confused, your ex was probably confused. You sound like you care about both men. DO they both treat you good? Make you feel good about yourself?

 

If there seems to be issues you are not able to talk about with your current boyfriend (like he prevents it by avoiding it) then he will probably do that about other things. It's certainly not healthy. You should be able to talk about everything.

 

Maybe you just need time alone to get your thoughts figured out. Being alone definitely helps with making things clearer. Who knows, maybe you will realize you're much happier without all the stress of who to pick, who's doing what and talking to who.

 

No matter what, you should give space between relationships. It almost seems like you didn't do that between your ex and current boyfriend. And maybe neither did your current boyfriend. This time and space between relationships is so you can fully get over your ex. It's not fair to be in a relationship with each other when neither is over their ex.

 

I would definitely tell you current boyfriend about how you are feeling. He may be feeling the same way. That way you will have at least one answer.

[EmptySoul]

considering your doubts and the circumstances i would consider a break up. maybe talk to him about feeling guilty about the relationship because of your plans..talking about your exes, that's a more difficult conversation to have.

 

e.

[Clarity]

Break up and be exactly clear why. There's nothing worse than being dragged along by someone who doesn't know what they want.

[bear12]

are you 100% sure you will break up when you go to travel? in other words are you asking us, SHOULD you break up with him? or WHEN should you break up with him?

 

if you're asking us the second question, my answer is now. right now. ASAP.

 

if you're asking the first question, that's a lot more difficult. obviously no relationship is a guarantee. people date, people break up, the whole experience is to (hopefully) make a decision on whether it's a person you want to spend the rest of your life with. of course, a lot of it does come down to timing and things like that, but if you're happy with him and you think there's a chance it'll be him, I don't see any harm in continuing to date him as long as you are happy and think he might be the one. but, like i said, if you're sure that he's not the one, then, yes, you are wasting his time. and, assuming he doesn't feel the same way about you (ie, that he's content just dating you for some definite period of time and then breaking up) that you allow him to move on and find someone who's looking for the same type of committment that he is....