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Dealing with your boyfriend's past


Lusif

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So, my boyfriend and I have been together for five months, and everything's perfect - loads in common, similar values/qualities, get along brilliantly, great sex, fun, passion, zero arguments... both of us feel like relationships should be like friendships with sex - you wouldn't constantly nag your best friend about wanting to see them, how they don't say I love you enough etc. so why be like that with your boyfriend! So yeah, it's all perfect and better than anything I've experienced. I get the impression that he feels the same, to some degree, but that's the point...

 

He's more experienced than me. He's 19, I'm 20. He's slept with 11 girls, been out with most of them (he's not the kinda guy who has one night stands or just randomly smooches girls in bars without starting something with them). He's my third boyfriend, the fifth I've been sexual with, and I've done the random smooching thing with a couple of dozen guys.

 

I worry that he's a bit relationship-happy. He's said he's got in relationships 'for the sake of it' in the past, though they tended to only last a couple of weeks. Whereas I've probably had as many opportunities as he's taken, but I'm more cautious and despise the half-hearted relationships so didn't bother with most guys!

 

But even so, I'm actually kinda jealous that he's always found it so easy to get girls. He's not a typical womanising type, he's average-looking and kinda geeky/innocent-seeming. After my first two boyfriends, I didn't meet anyone for nearly two years. I felt a bit pathetic, especially as my friends were either in long-term relationships or dating/seeing loads of guys. Some would even make a joke out of me always being single.

 

I sorta worry that if we ever split up (as optimistic as I am!), he'd have no troubles finding someone else and I'd just be stuck in a drought for years on end, again. It's not that I hate being single, I just hate how guys weren't even interested in anything from me... I'm attractive and intelligent, though perhaps a bit shy/aloof.

 

And obviously there's the whole 'okay, what if I'm a time-filler?', 'what if this isn't as special to him as it is to me?'... even though my heart and intuition says different, I guess I feel I have to keep some element of guard up. But of course I don't wanna keep it too far up!

 

What do people think? Is there any point worrying? Am I naive?

 

But I'm just blabbering now. Input?

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girl, I totally know where you're comin from. my bf has ad sex with this one girl. I'm a virgin. He's 25, I'm 21. and he works with this girl and sometimes it drives me nuts. And of course he's had toooons of gf's. He's myfirst serious bf and it is a weird feeling knowing he's said i love you to so many other people that if we broke up, in a coulpe months he'd be doin it all over with somebody new. I'm sorry I don't have advice. But I feel you, hang in there. oh I've been with him for 5 months, s another same-y. hugs.

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Having sex with women he has been in relationships with for just a few weeks and then the relationship fizzles is really no different than having casual sex because the relationships are meaningless. He calls them relationships to make himself feel like he is different from the other guys but he isn't really. They are non-relationships. Yes, I would also be concerned that he talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk. As for him finding someone quickly if you two break up..that you have no control over and you should push that out of your mind. If he is having meaningless relationships which end very quickly then all he really has is quantity not quality. What really matters in relationships is quality.

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There is no point in worrying. The past is the past. You were not involved in it, so it's nothing against you. If you trust him and truly get along as well as you say, then there is nothing to worry about. You can make up a billion what-if questions and they'll just weigh you down for no reason. If you're truly happy with this guy, worrying is simply a waste of energy and will keep you from enjoying something great.

 

And not trying to be rude, but just as his past has nothing to do with you, neither does his future if you do in fact split up. It shouldn't matter to you if he finds another girl quickly or not, he's not your boyfriend anymore at that point so it's really none of your business.

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And not trying to be rude, but just as his past has nothing to do with you, neither does his future if you do in fact split up. It shouldn't matter to you if he finds another girl quickly or not, he's not your boyfriend anymore at that point so it's really none of your business.

 

I wouldn't be me trying to make it my business. It'd be the fact that I'd look like the pathetic one who couldn't move on and find someone else... I'm not dependent on guys to make me happy, but I'd been single for over two years beforehand and seeing all my friends in long-term relationships, flirting with guys, seeing guys, dating guys... whilst hardly any guys approached me made me feel pretty crap and I basically don't wanna go through that again, ever.

 

Thanks everyone for your advice, though. I'm just gonna stop worrying about this because it's futile.

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