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Is he STILL lying?


pui

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Ok, so I've posted about my bf before, when I found out he had been cheating on me for 10 months. I'm guessing most of you will tell me to just let go...It's just difficult, I still love him, to my surprise, although I would have never thought I could after finding out. I just need insight on this story, more than advice about what I should do.

 

So, we've been together for almost 2 years. During the past year, things were going great (so I thought)...The first year was full of problems of all kind, but the second one seemed to have taken the relationship to a new level. Gradually, he began expressing his feelings for me, whereas, in the past, he had always felt confused. If was also about 8 months back that I heard the first "I love you from him". Since then, he has told me many, many times that he loves me, wants to marry me and spend his whole life with me etc. Since I felt the same way, I fell even more for him...Out of the blue, almost a month ago, I found out he had been cheating on me for full 10 months! I snooped into his phone, without even expecting to find anything there -and there I saw countless messages from her, telling him how much she loves him, reminiscing some of their moments together...

 

I was the only one to find out, she never knew about me and still doesn't know. This whole month has been very tumultuous for both of us...He swears he wants to rebuild our relationship and that I was the only one he cared for and the only woman he imagines life with. I have agreed to try to work things out, although I did tell him this is all to sudden and I am not sure I'm going to be able to trust him...I just love him so much and I got weak. What bothers me is that I have this weird feeling that he may be still in contact with her. When we see each other he usually lets the "guilty" phone at home...Granted, he doesn't use it a lot because of the mobile network, but still. He also never came open about what happened between them - he never completely confessed - he was always in denial. Like he would say she was the only one telling him she loves him, he never told her that (I'm finding it hard to believe). Is it just that he is uncomfortable about speaking? I just, if I'd ever do anything like that and wanted forgiveness and trust - I would come open and try to explain. He doesn't. He just denies it- having feelings for her of any kind, having been in a paralell relationship with her etc.

Opinions?

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Umm leave him.....

 

Cheating for 10 months? It wasn't a one time deal, he was banging her for nearly a year. How can he claim to love you and want to marry you while he's shacked up with another chick?

 

Throw his cheating ass out.

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Is it just my tormented mind?? The fact that it is too soon to trust him? I just feel he isn't helping him to trust him...He keeps telling me he loves me - but he was saying the same things before and it never prevented him to cheat...I just get this feeling all the time, that he is still hiding....Is he really hiding or is it just me obsessing over the fact that he never actually opened up about what he did?...

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Babe, they're always sorry when they get caught. 10 months? Out of 2 years? Please don't do this to yourself. That's not a drunken slip up or a moment of weakness. That's a full blown lie for almost half of your relationship.

 

Love yourself. I don't think t hat if you truly loved yourself you would tolerate this in the least.

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Is it just my tormented mind?? The fact that it is too soon to trust him? I just feel he isn't helping him to trust him...He keeps telling me he loves me - but he was saying the same things before and it never prevented him to cheat...I just get this feeling all the time, that he is still hiding....Is he really hiding or is it just me obsessing over the fact that he never actually opened up about what he did?...

 

He doens't need to open up about what he did because by you standing by his side you have given him a free pass to continue with his nasty behavior. As long as he knows he can get away with it, he will continue to do it.

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I do feel like I can't go on with it...Many times...It just hurts so much, such a HUGE lie!! I guess it is still to soon for me to think clear, it just hit me so when I found out. How can someone seem so dedicated to you and do the opposite in real time...

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I do feel like I can't go on with it...Many times...It just hurts so much, such a HUGE lie!! I guess it is still to soon for me to think clear, it just hit me so when I found out. How can someone seem so dedicated to you and do the opposite in real time...

 

Because some people are just sick, vile and cruel.

 

I hope you get tested for STD's......

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I do feel like I can't go on with it...Many times...It just hurts so much, such a HUGE lie!! I guess it is still to soon for me to think clear, it just hit me so when I found out. How can someone seem so dedicated to you and do the opposite in real time...

 

 

Pay attention to his actions, not his words. You can bet your life that he's still seeing her, and playing both of you at the same time.

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It's just a horrible thing to find out, it makes me doubt everything. All those times we were together and he held me close- he did the same with another woman...?! I think I am still in shock, I have moments when I think I will be able to work it out with him, when I almost feel like nothing is changed...And then I get really low and I feel the blow all over again and my imagination just runs wild.

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Babe, they're always sorry when they get caught. 10 months? Out of 2 years? Please don't do this to yourself. That's not a drunken slip up or a moment of weakness. That's a full blown lie for almost half of your relationship.

 

Love yourself. I don't think t hat if you truly loved yourself you would tolerate this in the least.

 

yes, i agree. i can understand a drunken night, one confused night, etc.... but 10 months??? i mean, that is lying to you, hiding, being sneaky, etc.... that is a huge breach of trust, a man who truly loves you wouldn't hurt you like that. or dream of cheating on you.

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Pay attention to his actions, not his words. You get bet your life that he's still seeing her, and playing both of you at the same time.

 

I know, it's his actions, I guess, despite the fact that I am 26 and not inexperienced, I'm still trying to learn this...that people can lie so outrageously? looking into your eyes and telling you you mean the world to them and more. I could never play it out so well, I always thought that if someone cheated you could tell...

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I know, it's his actions, I guess, despite the fact that I am 26 and not inexperienced, I'm still trying to learn this...that people can lie so outrageously? looking into your eyes and telling you you mean the world to them and more. I could never play it out so well, I always thought that if someone cheated you could tell...

 

People can and often will do horrible things, but if you're comfortable with yourself and are willing to love yourself it doesn't matter in the end. You need to heal and stop letting this person make a mockery of your loyalty.

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I know, it's his actions, I guess, despite the fact that I am 26 and not inexperienced, I'm still trying to learn this...that people can lie so outrageously? looking into your eyes and telling you you mean the world to them and more. I could never play it out so well, I always thought that if someone cheated you could tell...

 

Oh no, not at all......some people are quite crafty at the art of cheating. Some go through great lengths to master what they do.

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Oh no, not at all......some people are quite crafty at the art of cheating. Some go through great lengths to master what they do.

 

I guess I see it now...If I could just turn my heart around very fast, it's just such a task to learn that he is not what I thought him to be...

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If you could just tell, a lot fewer women would marry cheating men (and vice versa). Plus it sounds like you are not living together, which makes it easier for him to keep his secrets.

 

I agree with the majority opinion: break it off and go get a full STD screening. It's sad that you have to find out that the person you love is a liar and a cheat, but better to find out now than after you're married.

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I guess I see it now...If I could just turn my heart around very fast, it's just such a task to learn that he is not what I thought him to be...

 

I know it hurts like hell right now. You can't eat, you can't sleep, all you do is think about him and her together. What they did, where they did it. It consumes you. I've been in your shoes...TWICE...it sucks. BUT know this...it WILL get better. Distance yourself now from this loser. And yes...anyone that would treat another person the way he is treating you is a loser.

 

You can better bank on the fact that he has not broken it off with the other wwoman. She is probably oblivious to the whole ordeal. I'll bet you she doesn't even know about you.

 

Please...for your own health and sanity...break up with him now. Don't look back. And by all means DO NOT listen to anymore of his lies. They will get worse and he will try to convince you to stay.

 

Trust me on this...it WILL NOT work. Your trust in him is shattered into a billion pieces...those pieces will not fit back together.

 

Sorry to be such a downer...but I am only telling you this because I know how bad you hurt right now. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, tell him to get lost and walk away. Thank God you didn't Marry Him!

 

Good luck, and God Bless.

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He cheated for a long time, got caught, didn't even confess or explain, hasn't made it CLEAR that the affair is over - and you're together with him?!

 

You're asking us whether you're paranoid or is he still lying? Yes - he is still lying!

 

I am sorry that these things happened to you, but you are making it really easy for him to disrespect you. Stop for a second and find some respect for yourself and your happiness.

 

I think you're in denial at the moment. One big hug for you.

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I was in denial without wanting to, because I found it so hard to understand when I found out. He did confess and swore there was nothing more there (and the messages I found stopped short 2 months previous to that moment) -but I felt he never explained what happened. I'm not with him now, but I haven't cut him off completely, I was and still am too confused.

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