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How to Continue Relationship?


RedWingsFan

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I've been dating a wonderful woman for 2 months - great chemistry, great times, etc. However, the 'exclusive' talk came up because she "wants to experience being single for the first time." However, I would like a relationship instead of casual dating.

 

She is 28 and, 7 months ago, got out of an 8-year relationship. So, she has never lived alone, been independent, done what she wanted whenever she wanted, reported to nobody, etc. She actually lived with her ex-boyfriend for 3 months after they ended their relationship, so she has only lived alone/felt single for 4 months (2 of them dating only me).

 

She said something that just confused me: "I REALLY like you...had I met you 6 months later, I would start a relationship right now. I'm just not ready."

 

It's not like we are incompatible; we're very into each other, but she just doesn't want a full-blown relationship now.

 

How do I proceed? Fully leave her alone? Only let her contact me? Hang out often? We're on an intramural team, so we'll see each other at least once a week in a group setting. All I know for sure is that I won't wait for her. I just don't know how to treat her...

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Yeah I don't blame you for not wanting to wait for her. I don't wait around either. Just be cool with her. I went on a couple dates with a guy I see when I go swim and it didn't work, but we're both still cool with each other. Tell her hey, make small talk, all that good stuff. It's only gonna be weird if you make it weird.

 

Nothing is worse than things ending and then one person trips out and starts acting really weird and making things uncomfortable and awkward. Just treat her how you treat everyone else on the team. Don't try to avoid her, but don't go out of your way to talk to her.

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rebound! i'd start move away from this relationship as she will ultimately dump you.

 

I've been there mate...i fell in love when i was the rebound...took me over a year to even start to get over it.....save yourself a lot of pain and get out now.

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Update...any input is appreciated!

 

I really just want to know what is going on in her head...is she choosing between being single and starting something with me? Is she just sad that she is losing me?

 

I saw her the next day, as she needed to return some items. Giving her the cold shoulder I said, "Thanks...time for my run today" as I was wearing my running outfit. She looked very confused so I texted her that night saying, "You probably think I hate you...I'll explain why I was so cold in an e-mail tonight." Her reply was simple: "Yeah, I do, but it's understandable. Will read." My e-mail explained that I was confused and frustrated and that I didn't hate her (even willing to be friends later on). I told her I couldn't casually date someone with no end in sight, especially since we've been intimate (no intercourse).

 

Two nights later I see her and the intramural team...and I don't speak a word to her. She was simply another team member. We made eye contact a handful of times, and after our event she called to say she had read my e-mail and that she'd respond and "I tried to tell you this like 30 times earlier." I told her to take enough time as needed.

 

I get home and checked Facebook. Her status reads "(Girl's name) really wants to break all the rules."

 

I can't help but analyze this (and I know I shouldn't). But, what does it mean? She is fresh out of a long relationship, and most people don't date/get in relationships right away. She dates. So does she want to break this 'rule?' Or does she really just want to casually date a bunch with no end in sight (which is a strange thing to me...isn't the purpose of dating to find a relationship...otherwise it's simply hanging out with someone)?

 

Sorry for the length. Any ideas or experiences would help me. I don't always understand women very well!

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You know, I don't always understand women either, and I am one lol. I couldn't begin to tell you what she wants. But I can tell you that she isn't opposed to playing games when it comes to relationships. I personally don't think that you should even think too much into this. And omg I hate when people try to tell you something through their facebook statuses. It's just like holy crap how freaking old are you?! Grow the hell up! If she has anything to say to you, she should say it. If she can't say it, she should do it via e-mail. You told her how you feel about everything and I think it's really shouting volumes about how little she values your "relationship" if she responds by trying to send you messages by statuses. She doesn't even have enough respect for you as a man to give you the same courtesy you gave her. Don't buy into her games. They're a waste of time. We don't know what she means by it, but do your best not to care, because that's what she wants. Don't even give her the satisfaction of trying to decode her BS.

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After her being in part of a "couple" from age 20 to 28, it sounds like she's just trying to sow her wild oats for a while. This doesn't necessarily mean she's sleeping with every guy that crosses her path. But it's likely a mixture of living the free singles life for a while and being gun-shy of starting something new. She probably didn't mean to deceive, but she obviously should've clued you in on her intention within the first couple dates, instead of waiting two months when your interest level went way up.

 

As others have said... don't wait around. And if you and her happen to both be still single and available in November (she said "if only I met you six months later..."), maybe she'll be ready to start again with you and settle into a committed relationship again -- although even that is probably unlikely. Sounds like she wants to be a free bird for quite a while.

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rebound! i'd start move away from this relationship as she will ultimately dump you....

 

Either that or you don't get involved emotionally but I think it's too late for the later. Rule of thumb for me: If the girl doesn't agree with you on the exclusive talk, she never will.

 

Read some posts abound rebounds. You'll understand the whole concept later and know how to guard your heart.

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