Jump to content

Recommended Posts

I was dating a guy for about a month. We saw eachother 3-4 times a week and have spent countless hours together.

 

He seems to be nice, but can be a strange at times. But I was going with the flow of things. We're very much interested in a number of things and there is chemistry.

 

I tried to take it as slow as possible, but he always always made the first move i.e. touching me on the ass as we say goodbye, making out in his room, kisses etc. I accepted because I do like him.

 

I have been dating other guys during this time. And felt like he was too, though it was never discussed. Anyways, I asked him online how he felt about me and if we could see each other exclusively. The next day we were suppsosed to go to a game. He told me I should take someone else to the game. That was it.

 

No calls, no responses, no explanations, nothing. I take this as he wants things to be over?

 

I have initiated no contact, remove off phone, blocked on AIM...I don't want to seem desperate, but should I try and talk to him again or see if he wants to play tennis or kick it and see where it goes?

 

I don't know if I messed things up telling how I feel. Some say its good, some say its too soon, or not the best idea.

 

I wish we could remain friends, but he was always the one to take it further. And I don't want a friends with benefits thing. If he were really a friend then he would respect me at the least.

 

Any advice, whether to toss this one out, or try to revive it? Should I remove the block on AIM and see if he contacts me?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow. Being as you broke the news to him about you dating other guys AND telling him at the same time you want to be exclusive... that gives you two options on why he's ignoring you. That makes it so much more difficult to decide on what to do next.

 

It's hard to tell if he's upset to find out you were dating other guys, or if he was scared off from being asked about being exclusive.

 

What makes you think he was seeing other girls? What kind of vibes do you get from him? Does he seem like the type of guy to want a long term relationship? If he seemed genuinely sincere, then it's possible he was jealous and upset when you told him you were dating other guys and that's why he made the comment about "taking another guy" to the game. This is what it sounds like to me since you stated he made that comment. Even though guys can get scared off when having that "being exclusive" talk, it's not as common for them to just go cold turkey like that and just drop you without explanation especially if you've spent that much time together...

 

If he got scared off, then it was pretty cowardly for him to just drop everything like that, but then that tells you that he's not worth your time. But if it was caused by jealousy or him being upset after finding out about other guys, then I kind of give him some slack. Since not everyone understands the whole "dating other people" scene. A lot of people (like me for example) don't do the whole dating around thing so I'd understand how he'd be upset if he was assuming from the beginning that you were only dating each other...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi there-

 

It seems to me that he wanted to be friends with benefits but I could be wrong. Did he make you a part of plans in his future in conversations? Or did you two jsut hang out and stay more physical? But regardless I think that you bringing up the status of your relationship was not the wrong thing to do in my opinion. You expressed how you felt, that is what you wanted and if it scared him off then hes not the one for you. It takes two people to help the relationship grow. Its better that you know now than later. This is what I would do - I would take the block off AIM and see if he contacts you, what would it hurt. I wouldnt contact him though. You let it be known already so leave the ball in his court and see what he does. Im in a similar situation right now. I really like this guy I met a month ago - same deal with you - chemistry is there, hung a lot but now all of a sudden he disappeared on me. But unlike you, HE was the one to bring up the status of our relationship so I dont get it. Some ppl are so freakin complicated I swear! ughhh So ya, just chill out, take it day by day and see what he does. You already put a bug in his head and its up to him to make a move and if he doesnt then its his loss - you got your answer. You deserve better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry I wrote the wrong thing. I didn't tell him I was dating other guys.

 

I asked him online how he felt about me and the idea of dating exclusively.

 

Then knowing this, I'd assume that the talk scared him off. That's pretty cowardly and I wouldn't waste any more of my time on the guy. If he's not ready for a real relationship, then there's not much more you can do but find someone who is...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wish there was a power off button for my feelings.

 

I kind of regret mentioning anything about being exclusive.

 

Now I won't be able to spend time with him. I really enjoyed playing tennis with him

 

I know what you mean about turning feelings on and off. The way I deal with these types of situations is try to convince myself that if this is how they're acting now... then he's showing his true character...

 

Even though you had good times, there's always a chance there's a bad side to someone, which is what you're seeing now. It's hard, but convince yourself that even though you had good times, what he's doing now, and how he's disrespecting you by dropping you like that, shows his true colors. Convince yourself that you're worth more than that, no matter the good times you had.

 

You may have liked the times you did share because that's the beginning parts of a relationship, but sooner or later you'll come to find out what they're really all about... And now's the time you're finding out. Do you like this part?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you xxjustmexx. I don't like this part. He's online...not messenging me...perhaps he has removed me....I want to message...should I say? did something I said online the other night bother you? or just say hi?

 

I think if you want closure, to go ahead and say hi. If you don't, you'll just sit here wondering for weeks or even months... You might as well and "get it over with" (sorry for lack of better words) and ask and find out. Otherwise, wondering will just kill you. But be aware, you should be prepared for any answer you may get, including that he's not looking for a serious relationship. But even with that answer, at least you'll know and you can move on...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Here I go. I am such a pansy.

 

I screwed this friendship/casual dating whatever it was...

 

Basically I was the jerk. We had plans to watch a game and the night before I asked him if he knew of anyone else he could go with. Because I didn't want to be an inconvenience. We were having a hard time deciding on a meet up spot....then I proceeded to tell him that I really liked him and wasn't sure if I could spend another day not knowing where we stand. And conveyed my interest in dating him exclusively....

 

The morning of the game he was online and I apologized, asked if he wanted to go still. He said I should take someone else. That was all.

 

Now I'm online, he's not messenging me with random info like he usually does.

 

I don't know if he upset, or pissed, needs time, will considering hanging out again or what....

 

I really liked our hangouts and perhaps I moved too quickly...I don't know..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In my experience, whenever I felt the need to bring up a relationship-type talk with the person I was dating, its b/c there was a lack of a relationship there. Having the relationship/exclusivity talk didn't turn casual dating into a relationship.

 

The guy deciding that he liked me enough not to date other women and treat me like a gf, did.

 

This is why I tell my friends - if you need to have that conversation to know where you stand, you're probably not standing where you want to be.

 

Maybe I'm wrong but its worked for me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...