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Passion issue


pokesfan

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Last night the gf and I talked about our sex life, and the lack there of.

We went about it pretty good, very adult, listening to each other, making good comments, sharing, etc.

I told her that I have been thinking about the topic for a while now, as it has been bothering me, but was not totally sure how to approach talking with her about it.

See, up until about a month ago, when we got intimate, we "made love." Then, starting about a month ago, when we did get intimate, which was about once every week and a half, we "had sex." There was no kissing, no passion, just "wham bam, thank you ma'm", and she would walk off, clean up and then I would just lay there thinking, "what the heck was that? We did not kiss, caress, etc ... "

So, I told her that in my limited past, I have always had the passion, the caressing, etc and that is what got both partners in the mood, got the "juices flowing", etc. And, it was not just sex and then walk away, done, finito. She said that she does not like the passion part and she thinks that the passion puts too much pressure on her. As I mentioned, we always had the passion, until about a month ago. So, why does it bother her now?

We continued our talk and then made promises to each other. She ... "I promise to try to be more passionate and considerate of your needs ... " Me ... "I promise to try to be more open minded and not stiffle you with the need for passion, etc"

 

So, what kind of suggestions can you give to our situation? I have always had, and require the passion, kissing, etc and it feels weird to just have sex without it. It feels empty. On the other hand, she does not need the pasision, the kissing, etc. She prefers to just have the empty sex and is fine with that.

 

I am going to work on my promise, but it is difficult for me. As I mentioned, it just feels empty, and a little dirty. (I do not understand why I do not fit the "typical guy" mold and have these feelings.)

 

Are there any guys out there been through this type of scenario?

 

~hopeless romantic

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sounds to me there may be some deeper rooted issues there on her end. its either from past experiances or i hate to say, maybe she just aint feeling it as much. When the passion is there, two couples are on the same level of intimacy (very important in a relationship). If that aint there, i agree it would feel empty. Since you already talked about it, your only choice is to give it a little while to see if indeed she actually does work on it. Never pressure or push it on her, just seem happy and if she really cares she will take the initiative to do it herself.

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Unfortunately I experienced this but the cause was way different than yours. She was cheating on me and was just doing her duty to keep the facade going. After 20 years of great passion it did concern me greatly at the time. Later of course it became very clear what was going on.

There are two people laying together and it CAN"T be up to just one of them to provide all the passion. There is a reason she now does not like the passion you two once had. If she is unwilling to be honest about what she is feeling and why it has changed then you will find it very difficult to have a lasting healthy relationship.

 

I think talking in an open and honest way is the best way to get to the root of what has changed and perhaps then you can find the cure instead of trying to treat the symptoms.

 

Good luck

Lost

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Unfortunately, asking someone to be passionate about you is a surefire way to kill what's left of that person's passion for you. If someone feels pressured to act or feel a certain way toward someone then it's almost impossible to feel that way about them.

 

The long, "adult conversations" are unlikely to help you two out much because both of you already know what's going on, and now you're just putting a voice to it. She can't just say to herself, "Be more passionate about my man", and then suddenly the passion is there. And if she did try to consciously work on this in her head? Worse still.

 

Honestly, it's likely to take you backing way, way off, and her starting to feel comfortable again about not feeling dutiful toward you that might possibly turn this around although even that's a tall order.

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