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Newest Realization: Maybe I was never really "in love" with him to start with?


forever1130
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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Well its now been 3 months since the breakup and I'm finally coming to terms with everything. I'm starting to realize that maybe, just maybe, I was never really "in love" with him to start with. Don't get me wrong, I love my ex and would be devastated if something ever happened to him, but I also feel that way about my brother and my best friend, etc. I love him, but I'm not in love with him.. hope that makes sense.

 

However, if this is true, it also means that for a year and a half I lied to myself. I told myself I was in love when I wasn't. If I really, truly loved him (and he really loved me) things would have worked out no matter what. We would have MADE it work. But it didn't. I guess this is where being young and naive kicks in. Im only 18. I haven't even started college yet, and this was my first relationship, first kiss, first everything (except sex). I told myself I was in love because I wanted to believe I was. But how can you really know what love is when you have nothing to compare it to?!

 

For all I know, I'm gonna start college this fall and meet someone 100x better than my ex that makes me say to myself "what on earth was I thinking?!" and "what did I ever see in him?" or maybe I'll date and realize he was the best thing that ever happened to me, and those feelings that I had for him were actually feelings of being in love someone. I hope that's not the case, cause everyone says "You WILL know when you are in love, you'll just know it" and I cant say I've felt that. Or if I did, it definitely wasn't what i thought it would feel like lol

 

When he broke up with me, he said he wanted me to experience life with no regrets and because we were at different points in our life (im 18, hes 23) he felt like he was holding me back. At first I thought this was a bunch of crap, kinda like he was giving me the whole "its not you, its me" speech. But now, Im starting to realize that this might have been the most selfless thing he's ever done for me. So instead of being mad, maybe I should be thanking him. Thanking him for teaching me so much about life, and most importantly myself, then letting me go so that I could be with someone who appreciates and cherishes me.

 

I guess I'm not really looking for any specific advice, but I just wanted to share what I've come to learn in these past 3 months. However, if anyone has had any similar experiences that turned out for the best, I'd love to hear. I know I'm young and still have a lot to learn, so anything you guys have to offer would be great.

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This is reassuring to read. I'm currently going through a breakup with my first love, almost 3 weeks NC. I feel very sad, even devastated about whats happening. But when it comes down to it...I am young, and your right, who knows, when i'm away from this small town I probably will meet someone 100x better then she was.

 

Glad to hear your coming to terms with yourself and moving on I do hope I feel like this in 3 months.

 

Best of luck.

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This is reassuring to read. I'm currently going through a breakup with my first love, almost 3 weeks NC. I feel very sad, even devastated about whats happening. But when it comes down to it...I am young, and your right, who knows, when i'm away from this small town I probably will meet someone 100x better then she was.

 

Glad to hear your coming to terms with yourself and moving on I do hope I feel like this in 3 months.

 

Best of luck.

 

It's hasn't been an easy 3 months, but I'm starting to realize that it'll all be worth it someday and hopefully you'll feel the same soon. Plus, you just have to remember that there is someone out there who's gonna make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.

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Youre right, I'm sure I will love again. And with that comes the chance that I will be heartbroken again. However, what I've learned these last few months will surely help me in handling it better next time.

 

Another thing I've heard quite a few people on here say is that if you are able to stay friends with an ex after breaking up, then you were never really in love. Cause once you go beyond that friendship, there's just no going back. Is there any truth in this?!

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Youre right, I'm sure I will love again. And with that comes the chance that I will be heartbroken again. However, what I've learned these last few months will surely help me in handling it better next time.

 

Another thing I've heard quite a few people on here say is that if you are able to stay friends with an ex after breaking up, then you were never really in love. Cause once you go beyond that friendship, there's just no going back. Is there any truth in this?!

 

It's BS. if you love someone then you should be able to let them go at some point and release the attachment. i have become friends with my first love and i did love her dearly.........it took 12 months of no contact, but i was fine with friendship. If a person can't let go, then it's their own ego fear which won't let them be friend and when ego gets in the way, true love can't flourish

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