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Stubborn: both of us don't want to change.


EDanler

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My boyfriend and I have been in a very close relationship for the past 3 months but have been having some problems lately and I have had some issues with the way he acts for quite a while.

He will find something that I'm doing that bothers him, like not riding my bike with him when we are in a group of bikers and I want to ride with the faster ones, and will get in a pissy mood over it. Then, if I do it again, he'll make me feel awful about it and make me apologize multiple times for it.

We have already talked about this and he feels like I should correct these problems faster. I feel like he is judging me too much and should not expect to change me so much. Part of the problem may be that we are extremely stubborn people and tend to want it our way or the highway.

Any advice? This has been a problem for a while now and I'm afraid we might break up over it.

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learn to accept that your own beliefs don't always correspond to what another person believes. your belief is only one perspective (one of an infinite number of different perspectives). try to put yourself in your partner's shoes. what are the experiences that have lead him to his own belief patterns? can you know this? can you accept it? can you accept that he is different? the differences between us tend to be the most powerfully transformative aspects of our relationships. by learning to embrace those differences you free yourself from judgement and defensiveness.

 

there are some great books out there on relationship conflict. really, any conflict you have comes back to the same basic ideas. it's your own engrained patterns of thought and behavior that you've become identified with that ultimately lead to conflict (obviously the reactive component is much worse when your differences are extreme). anyway, one book i read was called ''receiving love'' by a guy named 'harville hendrix' (and i believe his wife was a contributor as well). i wasn't in a relationship when i read it...but the things i learned about myself and my past relationship dynamics have helped me beyond measure. it's difficult to sum up the whole concept in a forum like this.

 

what it really comes down to is creating safety in your relationship through meaningful communication. listening is a definite skill. can you allow another person to just speak...and just listen. can you allow them the space to do that? can you listen without your own thoughts interfering? this is an extremely rare ability. it's something that requires practice.

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my girlfriend and i are both geminis and therefore we both are very stubborn. I can assure you that if one of you or both dont learn to drop your pride when it needs to be, your relationship will end. we almost ended over this but we discussed the problem and valued each others opinions. If he is not willing to compromise or drop his pride, than maybe its not worth it.

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You guys don't need to change, you just need to learn how to compromise and bend a little.

If you're in a relationship, there's two of you. And like mentioned, you BOTH need to swallow your pride a little and learn to bend to make your partner happy. You don't have to CHANGE, just compromise and find a middle ground.

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You guys don't need to change, you just need to learn how to compromise and bend a little.

If you're in a relationship, there's two of you. And like mentioned, you BOTH need to swallow your pride a little and learn to bend to make your partner happy. You don't have to CHANGE, just compromise and find a middle ground.

 

EXACTLY! or else there is no point.

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