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Long term relationship. Feeling trapped. Too much, too young.


Jacanorie

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I suppose I tried to cram as much information into that title as I could. =P

 

I'll try to keep this brief and succinct.

 

I'm almost 17. I've been in a relationship for 3 and a bit years. He's the same age as me. We're very close, best friends and we know everything about each other. Our relationship is great fundamentally. We make each other feel special. His look makes me feel beautiful. Which I don't normally feel. We're great together.

 

But.

 

We've been together for 3 and a bit years. I don't know how to survive without him really. He's my only close friend, I have people at school that I see occasionally, but I'm a bit of a recluse. I love him, but I'm terrified that I'll never kiss anyone else or hug anyone else. I don't know how to explain it without seeming unsatisfied with him. He's wonderful, but I want a break. I want something exciting and new.

 

It's not just him. It's every other aspect of my life too.

 

I don't know what to do. I want to be with him. Just not right now. Ick. I sound awful.

 

=(

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You are young. There is so much to experience in life when you are 17, Im guessing you feel a bit like your missing out on what you should be experiencing and feeling trapped in something thats become too serious.

 

you are unhappy, please dont stay with him just because you dont know if you could cope without him.

 

But know that if you ask for a 'break' to taste this freedom. He might not be willing to wait around

 

I think you have to make the choice between feeling trapped, or breaking up with him to experience new things.

 

OR deciding that you love him and its worth struggling through this rough patch and coming out the other end.

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Yeah. I do feel trapped. I think it's not helpful that my life is pretty serious. I work hard at school and I don't go out and 'party' much. It's all work and very little play. Which emphasizes the nature of our relationship.

 

I think he'd wait for me. But it'd be so hard asking him to. How would I phrase it? How could I ask him to do it for me? And how would I be able to resist him? I have so little self-control.

 

Can't I love him and not want to struggle for a bit? Can it work like that?

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you can't have your cake and eat it too. you have GIGS.. look it up in other forum. When you do break his heart, don't talk to him and be his friend. don't contact him while you're out with other guys because he'll keep getting hurt over and over again.

 

right now, i'm on the dumpee end of a similar breakup to this. just realize if you leave him and break his trust, he may never want you again.

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Relationships arent easy, especially when your young and you are torn between wanting to be free and wanting to be with the guy you love.

 

What do you think you will get from other people and a different way of life that you cant get from him? The feeling of being free and not having to be heavy all the time?

 

It is not fair to ask him to wait for you whilst you live your free life because you cant guarantee you will go back to him.

 

Imagine his hurt and pain if your with other guys.

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I went through the same thing at your age. I wish someone would have given me 'permission' to get out of a relationship that limited me and made me feel dependent and parent-like at the same time.

 

Problem was, I wanted it both ways. Not possible. If you break up, don't stay in the picture to try to play his social worker--that's the messiest and most unproductive thing you can do. It's also a false intent, because it only nurses your own dependency under the guise of trying to help him get over you. It's not wise, and it's certainly not freedom. You'll just pick one another apart to find evidence of other people or of pulling away.

 

Don't ask him to wait for you, either. You need to just suffer the one sharp pain of a clean break to spare both of you a river of misery that runs your whole life. The grief is hard, and the only way 'around' it is through it.

 

What you can offer is this, a 6 month separation where neither of you contacts the other. Whoever wants to contact the other in 6 months can do so, and you'll meet for coffee to catch up if you're both still available. Otherwise, you'll just speak on the phone, and wish each other well, and this way you don't feel like you have an enemy walking the planet.

 

But you really can't have it both ways. You'll need to suffer your withdrawals and grieve the relationship in your own way. If that has you out and trying parties with new friends, then so be it. If it has you sulking in the house for a while until you can build up the nerve to try new social exploration, then it's still time well spent learning how to 'uncling' from someone else.

 

You can always use this thread as a journal and seek advice and support as you go along. My heart goes out to you, and I hope you'll ditch the 'guilties'. They're not productive, and they don't serve your or BF in any way.

 

You never get any wasted time back. Courage.

 

In your corner.

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I managed, somehow, to talk to him about it today. And he surprised me.

 

He understood completely. He doesn't feel the way I do, but he understands. He says he wants to wait for me.

 

So I'm stumped. What do I do? He wants to wait for me. I didn't ask him to or anything. After reading what all of you had said it didn't seem right to ask him.

 

I have no idea where to go from here.

 

Thanks guys for all your advice thus far. It really has helped me talk to him about it all.

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A hard one. Your first love will always be special. If you two are meant to be together in the future, then a break wont make any difference. Don't feel bad for wanting to experience other things. You are so young. How do you know he doesnt feel the same....?

 

Good luck

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So, what do you want to do?

How much time are you going to take? And what do you plan to do with this time away?

 

Does knowing he is waiting going to prevent you from dating, meeting other being, being in another relationship, and basically living single?

Is he going to be ok with that? Does he really know what your plan and desire is?

 

What if you don't come back to him? What if he meets someone else? What if you meet someone else?

 

There's alot of grey areas in him 'waiting for you'

You two just need to go your separate ways, period. Do what you need to do for yourself. See where you are in a year from now, if you're ready to recommit or having too much fun..or did you realize the grass isn't greener on the other side.

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  • 2 years later...

Hi, I was wondering how this situation turned out for you, I am 19 and currently in a 2 year relationship and am feeling quite the same...I know I love him and he could be the one forever, this is not my first love. So I am scared that I will never have anyone else?

Can i get your advice?

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