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trusting my friends, and others


alteran
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this ...
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this First

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Well, to start out with I already have trust issues more or less. Growing up I had a lot of experience with people close to me breaking promises, letting me down, or doing things that made me no longer trust them. Over time I've sort of learned to trust people again, but recent events over the last few yrs have made me question whether or not this is a good idea. I don't have very much dating experience. So I usually consult with someone on how to deal with things. I have had a few different friends, 1 that I considered close, sleep with guys that I like after I asked them for help/advice. I wasn't too upset the first time, because it was just a crush on a guy I didn't know very well.

This most recent "incident" has me in a bit of a tangle. My emotions are all over the place. At first I told my friend i didn't care, because I didn't want to upset her, and I didn't really know how i felt at the time. Well, I'm really upset, I really liked this guy, a lot more than I liked the last guy, and having this happen again was not something I saw coming. I had a talk with my friend, and told her how i felt, and she was apologetic, since she thought i was over the guy. But, I'm still having some problems trusting her again. She says it will never happen again, but to at this point in time, I don't know if I can really believe that.

Also, I don't know if I can put myself out there again like that. I know, friends have told me that eventually I'll get lucky, and yadda yadda. But, things like this just keep creeping up. Maybe it's just people my age but this is just getting to be a little too much to deal with sometimes. In between married men looking for side action, guys looking for a 2nd girl for their threesome, and "friends" sleeping with guys I'm into, I am starting to lose faith in things.

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This most recent "incident" has me in a bit of a tangle. My emotions are all over the place. At first I told my friend i didn't care, because I didn't want to upset her, and I didn't really know how i felt at the time. Well, I'm really upset, I really liked this guy, a lot more than I liked the last guy, and having this happen again was not something I saw coming. I had a talk with my friend, and told her how i felt, and she was apologetic, since she thought i was over the guy. But, I'm still having some problems trusting her again. She says it will never happen again, but to at this point in time, I don't know if I can really believe that.
Is this the first time this particular friend has done this? If so I, personally, would give her a second chance, you've discussed it, she has apologised so time will tell if her word is trustworthy. If this is has happened before, I would distance myself from her and find new friends. That is not someone who respects you and you don't need them.

 

Also, I don't know if I can put myself out there again like that. I know, friends have told me that eventually I'll get lucky, and yadda yadda. But, things like this just keep creeping up. Maybe it's just people my age but this is just getting to be a little too much to deal with sometimes. In between married men looking for side action, guys looking for a 2nd girl for their threesome, and "friends" sleeping with guys I'm into, I am starting to lose faith in things.
It is difficult but please don't close your heart up and stop trying. It can only lead to bitterness. I do understand, I lost complete faith in my ability to trust myself for a long time. I feared making the slightest wrong move and doubted every decision. Take it slow, one step at a time but keep moving forward. You know what is right, you know what kind of person you want in your life. You deserve to find them, believe that you will. Give second chances but don't hold on to people who continually disrespect you in the belief that they are your friends. Trust your instincts. With time and practise, you will find a balance and become more efficient at weeding out the undesirables. Best wishes.
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