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Well I broke up with a girl last week, we had a short but fairly intense relationship which lasted about 6 weeks. She ended it because she has feelings for another guy - the friend who introduced us bizarrely enough. He is coming back to the country in a few weeks (he recently split with his g/f). The break up has hit me hard - I'm also dreading that if they do get together how its going to effect me. I was really looking forward to hanging out with my friend - he's also been really supportive toward the break in the last few days - I was emailing before I found out that he was the 'other' guy. So as you can appreciate its rather a mess.

 

I've gone NC, although we spoke briefly last week, a conversation that was fairly flirty and light-hearted basically saying that she really likes us both and wants to keep talking to me and she realises she may have made a mistake and (unbelievably) would still like to hang out if this other thing doesn't work out. This rang alarm bells, I'm not second best to any man so I've been sticking to NC and feeling really crappy with it, I have always gone NC in the past and its been a lesser of many evils, but I tend to overly romanticise the person I have just lost probably to an extreme so it feels like I'm grieving twice, if that makes sense. The LC option appeals a bit so I can at least casually check by and develop some sort of relationship with her, but in my head I know it will end in tears. I really miss her and the way I am in a relationship.

 

She has been the first person I have really fallen for since my last ex nearly 4 years ago, so its really a big deal. I realise I'm not great at handling break-ups its an achilles heal and I don't want to be moping around after this one. My last relationship ended with another party involved so I'm naturally extremely cautious, which is such a shame as I entered this new relationship completely open-minded and open-hearted, it feels like a set back.

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One of my favorite quotes is: "Breakups are the best thing that can happen to you because it means you didn't marry the wrong person."

 

She obviously didn't fall for you as hard as you did her, for whatever reason. It doesn't mean something is wrong with you. Sounds more like she's looking for something casual as opposed to committed and serious.

 

There are tons of girls out there, so there's definitely someone that fits you. Good luck!

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This whole situation is tooooo messy. You should move the hell on off the strength of that alone.

 

 

 

Your buddy should have let you know what was up. All you can do is take the L and move on. And be glad it was only 6 weeks. It could have ended with deeper deception or whatever else.

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Well my friend is really none the wiser - he was the one who suggested I ask the girl out, I don't want to end up not seeing him, because I might find it too difficult, its kind of an unfair position we have been put in. And she still contacts me....

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Hello,

 

I don't think very many people handle break-ups well. Emotional pain is devastating. It beats us down to our very core. Your are doing the best thing for yourself right now. NC. Why? Well.. say you were into contact with her, she would just play around with you... spin you around on her fork like a piece of speghatti and officially move on to this next guy with no sense of loss from you.

 

She left you, chose another guy. So you need to be strong - and ultimately have a "so what" attitude. Dont hold yourself back, enjoy EVERY day.. go do things for YOU, hang out with girls, meet new girls... Dont hold back for her. See her as the person who LEFT you for another guy. What would you say if that happened to your best friend? You would tell them to MOVE ON. Say she magically came back and said, "I realised you were the one!!"... You will be putting a band-aid on the problem. It will only reoccur and by that point you will probably be more emotionally invested. My advice is to realise that you DO deserve BETTER. There will be others, and be kind with yourself. Put yourself first and never let her see the pain of this break-up. Do not give her the satisfaction. If she writes, ignore. If you see her, walk away.

 

You can be strong, you just have to prove to yourself you have it in you somewhere. You have the chance now to walk with your head held HIGH and your dignity intact. Walk the high route

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