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Emotional Roller Coast Overload what do I do?


What To Do If They Cheat - Do this ...
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this First

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Hi Everyone,

 

My partner and I have been together for about five years now in a long distance relationship. We have had one break and dated others, he wanted to date someone so I decided I would too. Then we decided to be exclusive to each other after his relationship with her did not work out. I do feel if she stayed with him he would have stayed with her and never thought about having me again. He often compares me to her in indirect ways. He says that our conversations are so boring, and that we talk about "nothing". He also pushes me away and says he has had enough if anything upsets him in our relationship. He will even say this when I am going through a family emergency or anything, if I upset him it will be him hanging up and saying its over. I have no idea what I can do because I feel hopeless and so dependent on him. I was so letting him go over a year ago but then as soon as things ended with that girl he started becoming more serious about me. Although she is out of the picture I always feel he is saying that our relationship isn't as good as it was with her. He also told me the other night that he feels we are not emotionally or intimately close enough as he has been to people in the past. Please give me any advice you can, I appreciate all your help.

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Gosh, I'm so sorry - I really hope that eventually you get much better. But I've been where you are now - and I know how hard it is when you feel so dependant. I don't have any day-to-day advice. I *would* say ditch him, but I know that's much easier said than done!

 

The things he says - they are horrible! I'm so sorry, but it really sounds like he's obsessed with the other girl, which is *absolutely* not your fault. He's just a buffoon. And he might hang around with you a while, but nothing good will come of it (for you).

 

How dare he say that your conversations are boring. The things that interest each person are as varied as there are people on the planet. A truly loving, interesting person would *never* say such a thing. Instead, they would make every effort to learn about what interests *you*, even if it's not initially something *he* would find fascinating. If he finds your conversation boring, that just indicates his own narrowness! And - to boot - it's extraordinarily rude of him - not the kind of friend you'd want in your life, much less *best* friend and lover!

 

I know how hard it is to demand better, you sound like a very caring person who can't easily give up on people. I just hope he doesn't hurt you too much in the meantime - I hope that he gets his act together (but I'm skeptical), or that you eventually feel strong enough to let him go.

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Hi,

 

At first it was really nice and there are episodes of real niceness, but then there is such pain that goes on for so long. Usually it has to do with another girl coming along and I try to be open minded about things because I know we live so far and I don't want to make him unhappy. But then he always tells me he never gets mad around anyone as much as he does around me. And anytime I message him online first he says I am a stalker, and sometimes will just change his nick so I can't see him so I just give up if he wants to talk to me then he can, but its so hard. I am having a tough time with the hot and cold behavior and it goes well for a few months then its like he finds someone else to talk to and sort of disses me. I just want to feel whole again but right now I feel I am in pieces ofcourse my own doing. I just end up feeling maybe things will change or maybe its my fault for being terrible with men.

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Just how exactly are you dependent on this guy? He doesn't seem to be emotionally there for you at all. What is it about him that makes him so great that you can't let him go? I know how dependent I was on someone that treated me like crap for years but I lived and worked with the guy so I always felt trapped by him. As soon as I moved 6 hours away and got another job, I could take a step back and see how badly he treated me. After that, I dumped him and haven't considered going back to him ever again. Why would I want to? You have a long distance relationship so you could easily just hang up the phone or turn off the computer. I mean why not? He thinks the conversations are "boring," he doesn't respect you, he dates other people, he tries to hide from you. He just wants you to be his relationship of convenience.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, from a males perspective, It really sounds like he is not treating you particularly well and you do deserve better. I know it is so hard to do but based on what you posted here, I would have a serious talk with him about everything that is bothering you and if he does not respond in a positive manner, try and move on. It does not sound like he is making you happy and there are 'plenty of fish in the sea'.

 

Best of luck

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