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Should I be genuinely concerned about 2 of my friends?


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Ok, so basically I have 2 friends, we'll call them Mitch and Stan, and both are giving me cause for concern but I'm not sure how to try to deal with it or if I should even try to deal with it.

 

So Mitch is probably the more serious case of the two. He is a good friend of mine and a good guy, but throughout his life he has not always shown the best of judgement. In the last year or so he became friends with these 2 people who are for lack of a better term scumbags. Neither of them has a job or any education, they are both into hard drugs, both have criminal records, both routinely break the law, you get the picture; they're friendly people but undesireables none the less. Mitch hangs out with these 2 fairly often, and all of our other friends have said that he should not be hanging around wtih them. Currently Mitch does use weed regularly and does other things like mushrooms and painkillers very occasionally, I don't agree with or like it and I wish he would stop but I can deal with it since he is my friend, and I don't consider those substances to be hard drugs (others may disagree with that and I'm not saying I'm right about that, but its just my opinion). My main concern is that these 2 people he is friends with do use hard drugs (cocaine, heroin, speed, etc. ) and I'm worried that soon Mitch will start joining them and develop a serious drug problem which would totally ruin his life. Essentially bringing him down to their level. As I said earlier he does not have the best judgement and I would not put it past him to get sucked in to a habit such as this.

 

Stan on the other hand is the less serious case. My main issue with him is that he constantly smokes weed all day ever day. Currently I would estimate that on an average day he probably smokes at least 3-4 times (I don't know how much weed weight-wise he uses daily) and is always high. So far it has not interferred with his life but I fear that may soon change. He has always smoked weed and I never thought much of it, but over the last 6 monthos I have started to speculate that he may have a problem with it. He also very occasionally does muchrooms as well. Stan has always showed fairly good judgement throughout his life, so I trust him to stay away from hard drugs, but I just worry that his weed use has gotten out of hand.

 

So I don't know what to make of the situation with my 2 friends, on the one hand I think that its their business and their life and I don't have the right to raise an objection, but on the other I don't want to see them seriously screw up their lives because they allowed some mild recreational weed use turn into a serious drug problem. For the record I don't use any drugs whatsoever, never have and never will. Any thoughts, opinions, or experiences would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading, sorry its so long, but it feels good to get this all out.

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Well, here's the thing. Unless they see this negatively affecting their lives, they're not going to change their habits. Period. Also, I think that it may be difficult for you, as someone who has never smoked pot to tell them to stop. Because it's actually pretty enjoyable, and while I don't have access to it, if I did, I wouldn't be against doing it once a week or so--pretty much like having a beer or a glass of wine. My boyfriend has never done anything, and if I'm ever so much as around someone who's smoking pot, he gets visibly upset. That's because he doesn't understand that it's not really a big deal. The stigma around marijuana is ridiculous (considering that alchohol is considered "ok" by most of western society). So, unless it's affecting his ability to work or do what he needs to do or pay bills, then leave him be.

 

Anyways, I think that your first friend could use a caution against falling into hard drugs, but ultimately, I don't think he'd really listen to you. Are you his girlfriend? His bestfriend? His family? Your word has no leverage. As someone who has lost friends to hard drugs, most of the time, you can't do anything but just watch what unfolds.

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If there are enough positive influences around a person they can outweigh the negative risks so it worth you and your friends keeping in touch, inviting him/them out and just being around, sometimes good friends talking good sense and showing concern and interest in their lives can make someone realize the slippery slope they are on.

 

I wouldnt slate the other people though and it can make you look the bad guy and they will turn their back on you for being critical and judgemental and you risk losing them forever. But at the end of the day, they are aduts, you are not responsible for their life or their mistakes.

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First, if someone is smoking pot 4 times a day and is stoned all day, they have a drug problem. No one would accept someone being drunk all day, and being stoned all day is not acceptable either.

 

The sad thing is your first friend must identify with the criminals/hard drug users if he is spending more and more time with them. And sadly, he may already be using harder drugs and not telling you about it.

 

All you can do is to make it very clear to them both that you think they are treading in very dangerous waters and you are worried about them. You also might have ready the phone number for some drug counselors that you could refer them to. But they probaby won't ask for that number until they decide on their own that it is somethin they want to do.

 

Also, I would make a very strong point that you should not attend parties or agree to hand out with the people who are using hard drugs. That could be a danger to you, since if they care criminals, you never know what might happen, even you getting accidentally shot if they get into an argument with other criminals/dealers and you happen to be nearby at the time.

 

You can try to wait for moments with your friends, like if one says how they are tired all the time, or can't focus on work or whatever, and ask them if perhaps they'd consider cutting back or stopping drugs which may be causing the problem for them. So don't attack them as people, but when the opportunity arises, plant the seed that maybe their lives would go better if they'd stop using drugs or seriously reduce the amount they use.

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btw, the argument that 'pot should be ok because alcohol is ok' is a very weak argument.

 

everyone knows the dangers of alcoholism and someone who smokes pot 4 times a day is deep into pot-olism as any alcoholic who drinks all day is into alcoholism.

 

There are severe physical, mental, and social consequences of people who use any kind of drug to excess. The risks are different based on the medium, but the dangers and life disruptions are there for both when alcohol/drugs are used to excess on a daily basis or in binge mode.

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btw, the argument that 'pot should be ok because alcohol is ok' is a very weak argument.

 

everyone knows the dangers of alcoholism and someone who smokes pot 4 times a day is deep into pot-olism as any alcoholic who drinks all day is into alcoholism.

 

There are severe physical, mental, and social consequences of people who use any kind of drug to excess. The risks are different based on the medium, but the dangers and life disruptions are there for both when alcohol/drugs are used to excess on a daily basis or in binge mode.

 

She said she doesn't know how much the person smokes. In france, it's not unusual to have a glass of wine with each meal (excepting breakfast). I would not call them alcoholics. Now, if someone drank half a handle of scotch per day, I'd call them an alcoholic. If someone takes a few hits of pot per day, I wouldn't call them a "pot-oholic". To me, that's the same as someone smoking a half a pack of cigarettes per day. Now, if the person is spending 20 dollars on pot every day or every couple of days, then they have a problem.

 

I know that many wouldn't agree with what I'm saying, but we've been conditioned to think that somethings are qualitatively worse or better than others (i.e. pot v. cigarettes, or pot v. alcohol). I grew up in a town/atmosphere where pot was used frequently and not seen as an issue, unless it interfered with one's ability to work. The girl said that the pot hadn't interfered in her friend's ability to work thus far. I just know, having had experience with people who smoke pot daily, that unless it is actually affecting them negatively, they will not stop. Period.

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