Nikkyy Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 i'm pretty much just venting here, but i really really really hate being female. if you're a guy, and you don't look that great, girls aren't shallow and they can still find you attractive based on you're confidence and other traits. if you're a girl and you don't look that good... you're screwed. if you do happen to find a guy, it's unlikely he'll be attracted to you at all. it makes me angry because guys can actually do something about their degree of attraction, girls can't (unless it's plastic surgery). sorry for the rant, but this really brings me down. it'd be nice if the guys i'm with didn't wish i looked like something else and could be attracted to me the way i look now. (and i'm not fat, and i engage in regular exercise-my bmi is right where it's supposed to be, so don't tell me to hit the gym) Link to comment
Striker17 Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 From what I've seen, most less attractive girls CAN do soemthing. Whether it's learn to better apply their makeup, wear nicer clothing, improve their posture, etc... It's true that guys do, in general, don't have to worry as much about their appearances, but they have to work on their personalities. A hot girl with the brain of a brick is still desirable to many men. On the other hand, if the guy were in that situation, most women wouldn't want anything to do with him after talking for five minutes. And I'll admit it, there are some girls with fairly unattractive faces. If you're unfortunate enough to be one of those, you can still try and work on getting a really nice body to try and compensate a bit. Link to comment
lols777 Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 Not neccesarily true. I personally choose personality over looks, any day of the week. It's true that SOME attraction is needed for a romantic relationship, but I've dated a girl that was very plain (and i'm being very nice there) just simply because of her personality. Not all guys are shallow. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 well, i don't know how you look, but i'm sure that there is a guy out there who would be interested in you. what may help is updating your look. get a makeover, a more flattering hairstyle, maybe some cute clothes. that can all help. make sure you are places where you are going to be meeting men. Link to comment
Nikkyy Posted July 3, 2009 Author Share Posted July 3, 2009 guys that do date girls who are "plain" still wish they looked better. i'm sure i could get a guy, but i can't attract a guy. there are "nice" guys out there who will date a girl based on personality, but i don't think any guy will ever stop wishing she looked like jessica alba instead of being attracted to her the way she looks. Link to comment
pinkrobot Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 make sure you are places where you are going to be meeting men. Part of it depends on where you try and meet men, as well. If you're going to clubs or bars or parties, where " super hot" women tend to hang out a lot (thus giving you competition), then the type of guys who usually hang out there will tend to be looking for women like that. If you take up a hobby, or volunteer, or ask friends to set you up with their male friends, though--those kinds of ways of meeting men (where they're not necessarily looking and you have less competition) are more likely to result in a guy wanting to date you. It's also easier that way because things like that give you both a commonality to work off of, whether it be the hobby or the fact that you hang out with the same people. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 um, well, i guess i'm pretty capable of 'attracting' guys when i am at a bar, all made up, and look hot..... it doesn't mean that things will last beyond one date, or even that they will call me. even if i looked exactly like jessica alba, that would still be the case. many guys just want a pretty woman, nothing more, and i'm sure you don't want to be a trophy gf either. i think you need to work on your own internal confidence. know that you are smart and a good catch, and guys love that attitude. i have some gfs who aren't the hottest girls, by far, some of them could stand to lose 30-40 lbs, but the way they flirt and banter with men, they go wild! a sassy smile and a wink can take you far too. Link to comment
wayoverit Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 Reality is, that's the card you're dealt, you can only win with a lower hand so to speak. That said, if there's something obviously wrong with your look, improve with plastic surgery is not impossible. Even the most beautiful girls have plastic surgery. Sorry if the truth sounds too harsh and shallow. Link to comment
corvidae Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 The situation is very similar for men and women. As a short and not very attractive man, I have almost never dated because women aren't intereted in me. The idea that women are more concerned with personality while men are all about looks is simply not true. I know many women who are not conventionally good looking but they have boyfriends/husbands/have no trouble dating. You say in your post that you could get a man...well I can't get a woman. At all. Ever. All that stuff about personality is pure nonsense, it just doesn't happen in real life. So the next time you're feeling down on men, please realise the situation is just as bad for men if not worse. Link to comment
Nikkyy Posted July 3, 2009 Author Share Posted July 3, 2009 i'm very against plastic surgery. and i don't think any amount of plastic surgery would really help me much, unless i got breast implants, because there's no way on the planet anyone could be born with breasts like that. everything on my face can't really be changed for the better. my nose looks normal, my lips look normal, my eyes look normal. my face is too freckly but there's not much i can do about that. i'm just very plain looking. i have cellulite and spider veins everywhere, which i guess could lean my looks more towards the ugly side, but other than that i don't think i'm hideous. i just want to be loved for the way i look now. that's what bothers me. i don't even want to change. Link to comment
DN Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 The idea that only men are shallow is wrong in two ways: first because all men are not shallow and secondly because some women are too. Link to comment
bingedrinking Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 Please don't focus so much on looks. Not all guys focus on minute details such as how your nose looks or whatever. Seriously they don't care Confidence definitely helps. If you have an easy going attitude and confidence, you will definitely be attractive to men. It's all about attitude. You can definitely do makeup and all that but nothing drastic like plastic surgery. Of course you said you won't but still. Link to comment
wayoverit Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 Everyone has their own set of problems. Funny though, what you'd consider a flaw might be viewed as perfection in somebody elses' eyes. So don't give up, the right person will come soon. I do consider corrective surgery as necessary though. Link to comment
XxJustMexX Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 Unfortunately, what should happen, and what does happen never quite meet... Yeah, we all know that it's our personality that matters, and you'll hear that from those with lots of wisdom and those with 50+ years of marriage under their belt... but in the beginning of the relationship, unfortunately, people are shallow. I've personally sometimes gone for looks, others personality. The ones where I end up liking someone for personality, we'd already been friends so I already knew them well enough to like who they were. Unfortunately, in the dating scene, no one is going to go on a date with someone they're not great friends with who they don't find attractive to begin with. We all know it shouldn't happen, but unfortunately it does. I had an interesting conversation with a guy who IM'ed me the other day (he'd gotten my name from a dating site I put a profile on)... His first words were "I noticed you viewed my profile and didn't say anything, so you're probably not interested in talking to me, I'll understand if you don't". Being a nice person, I wanted to see if there was anything interesting or anything "there"... I told him I don't really care about looks so I was willing to talk to him to get to know each other. He questioned me and said "Well, nevermind, since you didn't get at me, you're probably not interested." He made a good point. On things such as dating sites, as soon as you don't find someone attractive, you pass right through them... That's how we all are with people we first meet... and the only time that doesn't apply is if we've fallen for someone we already know because we know their personality. The latter is the way I believe long marriages last... By falling in love with someone you've known for a while, fallen in love with them for what matters, we love them for who they are and that's how relationships last. To add... what's with the whole make-up deal? I honestly don't get it. I've never worn make-up. Honestly, (no offense girls) but trying to "make yourself look better" for a few hours (I believe) doesn't change who you are. All the advise about learning how to put make-up on better... How does that even work? You meet a girl who's gorgeous with make-up, but you wake up next to someone else when she's not wearing it... I just don't get it. Every person I've been with has always said I was gorgeous without it. I'm not being conceded (I personally don't think I'm all that) but I think this is how all girls should view themselves... Pretty no matter what. I think it also has a lot to do with your confidence. It shows through and through to people. If you feel ugly, you'll come off that way. I'm a peppy happy go lucky girl, and quite confident in who I am. I'm not Selma Hayek, I don't wear make-up, am a single mother of two children (imagine the weight gain?), but I do get guys. Why? Probably because I'm confident, secure and might I mention awesome. It has to do with your attitude! That's what you have to work on, not applying better make-up! Link to comment
corvidae Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 I agree with the above poster very much. Many women make the mistake of trying to attract men by looking pretty then not following up by being friendly oe approachable. Don't worry so much about looks, concentrate on being sociable. Link to comment
shes2smart Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 Ok, so people are initially attracted to a potential partner's looks. The portion of the equation most people forget is that what any one individual person (male or female) thinks is attractive may not be what the next person finds attractive....and what any one individual finds attractive may not necessarily be what the societal norm tells us is attractive With the things I've seen and experienced, I swear you could have a third hand growing out of the middle of your forehead and somewhere, there'd be someone who thought it was attractive. There is not one cookie cutter female look that all men will find attractive (despite what the messages you're bombarded with might tell you). I've never been thin or busty or anything other than overweight and utterly average-looking, I quit wearing make-up in college and (to quote Gilda Radner) my fashion sense consists mainly of what doesn't itch....however, I'm quick-witted and funny and interesting enough that I was rarely lacking for male company when I was single (and wanted male company) and, 7 years ago today, at the age of 38, married a guy 11 years my junior who thinks I'm the hottest woman on the planet. Instead of focusing on external make over kinds of stuff, my suggestion would be to get rid of this self-limiting belief you have you're a girl and you don't look that good... you're screwed. if you do happen to find a guy, it's unlikely he'll be attracted to you at all. Link to comment
dreamwarrior Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 Shes2smart, I think that is a wonderful very informative, helpful post...I completely agree. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 Shes2smart, I think that is a wonderful very informative, helpful post...I completely agree. I second this sentiment. Link to comment
Sparkley Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 Yeah she2smart brings a tear to my eye, anyone reading that could not fail to agree with you. Link to comment
lifeiscash Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 Most of the greatest looking girls I have ever met are the one's with the most emotional problems. Hard to find a good looking broad who has it all together in her life. Most of the real pretty one's have low self esteem or jump to attach to a guy because they are not stable. Not all pretty women, but I have ran into alot of them. Dating a 6/7, with her life together, independent financially and personally, and with a personality.. where you ladies at? Link to comment
bear314 Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 I know that women usually get what they want by going after it. Go up to a guy and start to talk to him slowly and calmly letting him know that your interested in getting to know him and be friends at first. Then gradually increase the intensity a little and flirt and give him complements and such. But before you do any of this the point is to have confidence within yourself. You have to understand you won't always get what you want and rejection does not mean you are unattractive. My sister hates the fact that I'm somewhat of a chubby chaser and says how much better I can do. There are some very attractive friends of hers that she would prefer but thats not what I like. The last girlfriend I had was honest and said she'd never expect for a guy like me to go for a girl like her. Not to toot my own thats just what she said. I believe every woman, every single one is attractive but not every guy will be attracted to them. Depends on the person preference and interests is all. You don't like the texture of you skin use lotion. Feel too light with your "spider veins" sticking out then get some sun. Thats what women naturally do is pretty up to attract men. Why do you think women wear skimpy outfits like short skirts and tube tops? So us men whistle and notice them because the first thing we notice is how they dress. Even though they hiss at us when we comment on how they look. Link to comment
nicknick Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 Absolute It always makes me laugh when women say it's personality that counts! Yeah sure it is BUT there has to be physical attraction....there absolutely has to be. Otherwise all the ugly (but great personality!) guys in the world would have no trouble finding a girl! Looks matter.......a great deal more than most people are willing to admit. It isn't shallow to not be physically attracted to someone..and i wish folk would stop kidding themselves. Link to comment
XxJustMexX Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 Absolute It always makes me laugh when women say it's personality that counts! Yeah sure it is BUT there has to be physical attraction....there absolutely has to be. Otherwise all the ugly (but great personality!) guys in the world would have no trouble finding a girl! Looks matter.......a great deal more than most people are willing to admit. It isn't shallow to not be physically attracted to someone..and i wish folk would stop kidding themselves. That's funny. I was madly in love with one of my best guy friends that I'd known for over 10 years. He's ugly as but sweet as candy. I had no physical attraction to him but I didn't care about that. So. I guess you must be speaking for the other 6 billion women on earth. Link to comment
nicknick Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 You are the exception to the rule....or maybe you have deficient eyesight! Link to comment
furious Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 That's funny. I was madly in love with one of my best guy friends that I'd known for over 10 years. He's ugly as a pile of sh*t but sweet as candy. I had no physical attraction to him but I didn't care about that. So. I guess you must be speaking for the other 6 billion women on earth. 6 billion women? Is there something being kept secret from me? Link to comment
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