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How to get him to...


pui

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Ok, so I kind of like a dominant man in bed...My guy is a little dominant most of the times, but, to be honest I would like something extra, i.e. a little spanking I'm not talking about anything extreme, because I'm only into rather mild stuff....Do you think I could ever get him to do it? And how? Thing is, I'm not sure if he would like it or not...He doesn't know I'd like it. There were however some hints on his part and I don't how to interpret them...For instance, a few days ago we were having a hot discussion online and we were talking about oral (he's crazy about it, me to him) and he said something like he thinks I should get a spanking if I complain about giving him oral again (I was only pretending to complain obviously I'm not comfortable with an open discussion on this, it would just be so much more fun if the idea came from him. How do I get him to be a little more dominant in bed? thanks

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Yes! Never be afraid. My ex would on occasion, either in conversation or during intimate times, say "Hey... there's something I've been wanting to do that you might find weird." I did the same to her multiple times.

 

Every time she asked about doing something new (either to me or getting something new from me) it was always something I had wanted to suggest before or readily welcomed. 9/10 times it was something I'd thought about previously as well.

 

ALWAYS be open about what you want sexually! If you can be open about things like that it'll keep things healthy, trusting and keep the lines of communication open.

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Well, to be honest, it's this role play thing...I just feel I wouldn't really enjoy it if he only did to please me or something. This is why I'm trying to figure out a more subtle way to ask him

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I know this doesn't apply to all, but if you two are very close sexually I'd hope that it's the same for your partner as it is for me. What turns me on the most is turning on my partner. If they're enjoying something it's wonderful for me as well. If he gets enjoyment out of pleasuring you then hopefully he'd be open minded. You never know, he may want to try already as well.

 

You should really just ask him, see how he feels about it!

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nah that guy would like that especially if you like it. and his hinting confirms this.

 

if you want it to come from him just do your subtle girl thing and make it happen.

 

and dont over think it.

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I think it is not that she doesn't want to bring it up because she can't communicate. I think her problem is that she knows she will enjoy it more if it is a spur of the moment thing started by him, rather than one that starts with her coaxing and instruction.

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I think it is not that she doesn't want to bring it up because she can't communicate. I think her problem is that she knows she will enjoy it more if it is a spur of the moment thing started by him, rather than one that starts with her coaxing and instruction.

 

Yep, right on! This is what I'm trying to find out, how to have him do it without telling him to or instruct him, as you say. I wouldn't try it, if it weren't for those hints he drops sometimes, but I'm not sure if it's just talk on his part. I'm thinking if it was more he would have tried by now? We've been together for 2 years now.

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Yep, right on! This is what I'm trying to find out, how to have him do it without telling him to or instruct him, as you say. I wouldn't try it, if it weren't for those hints he drops sometimes, but I'm not sure if it's just talk on his part. I'm thinking if it was more he would have tried by now? We've been together for 2 years now.

 

Wow! 2 years is a long time to not have resolved this

I have never figured out a way to subtly do this. Sorry! I kind of give him hints when we aren't intimate, and we are talking online.

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Wow! 2 years is a long time to not have resolved this

I have never figured out a way to subtly do this. Sorry! I kind of give him hints when we aren't intimate, and we are talking online.

 

Yes, I know. But in the beginning I've always assumed he is not into this. And then, at some point he was asking me about the things I liked in bed. And I wanted to tell him but somehow the conversation took a different turn. I think I have been trying to find out if he is interested in any way.

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body language!!!

 

yall are thinking too much. use instinct

 

You're right but it is only rarely that I get him so over the edge as to start using dirty language and what not. Usually, even if extremely horny, he kind of stays on top of the situation and this is why I don't just like to break the "news" to him openly. He's not the kind to forget himself easily and a talk may just result embarassing or something.

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I think what you need to see on the flipside is that maybe he wont get it unless its brought up. Im extermely shy when it comes to certain things but its not always easy to get people to just see things the way you do. Also it might not be the same as him doing it on his own but once you bring it up then he will just do it on his own from then on. Also im a romantic type so sometimes i didnt see anything besides just doing things that way. I then started to see other ways of doing things that werent exactly how i used to think of them but it was alot better to be more versatile. Its also hard because you never really know what someone is into unless its brought up. I also think how he asked you that maybe even if you want you can ask him what he likes and then he can hopefully ask you again. I know you want him to just do it but i think it has to get to a point where waiting is just too much. I guess im not a girl so i dont know exactly what you are thinking could work but at the same time even with how shy i am I dont really hold back when it comes to something that could make things better.

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I guess I have to realize it won't just happen, as I wanted to. I always thought that if he was into it, it would just happen.

 

I found that my guy worries that I'll feel disrespected if he gets to dominating.

 

We went a long time with us both wanting him to be more dominating, but neither having the guts to bring it into the discussion.

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I found that my guy worries that I'll feel disrespected if he gets to dominating.

 

We went a long time with us both wanting him to be more dominating, but neither having the guts to bring it into the discussion.

 

Just curious how long was that? And also the moment you talked about it was it automatic, or did it gradually get better and better over time?

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One way is you could always email/text him a detailed fantasy include the spanking in it, and finish it off with a "I can't wait until you get home later..." that way you aren't bluntly saying it.

 

Or the other thing that might work is when you're together and things are getting hot, kiss his neck, trailing up to his ear, and whisper exactly what you want him to do to you... I think most guys would be excited by something like that (well my bf usually is hehe) (and also if you're uncomfortable with saying it in a dirty talk way, you could ask in a completely innocent way and it would still probably work)

 

Good luck! x

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My advice - when you are lying sideways hugging and kissing, when he goes to grab your ass or is around that region, push yourself closer to him. This will give him a hint that you like being touched there. Then put your hand on on his ass, squeeze it and push yourself closer into him again. He should definitely get the message that you are liking the ass touching. He might start to squeeze your ass and possibly even spank it.

 

If he's not, place your hand on top of his while he still has his hand on your ass, squeeze your own ass (his hand will squeeze it too obviously seeing as your hand is guiding him). Doing this, push yourself into him really tightly, kissing intensely, then put your outside leg over his body and push yourself in further, he should be dying to spank you cos you've made him so horny. If he still doesn't do anything, kiss him and break away for just a second with your eyes still closed, saying spank me, and go back into kissing him straight away, pushing yourself further.

 

Don't look at him, don't wait for him to answer you just do it. Believe me, he won't laugh, he won't think you're stupid, in fact he'll be so hot for you.

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as most people have said, ask him. I love spanking and doing rough stuff...I don't know any guy who doesn't. Hell, sometimes i like to get spanked myself. He could be afraid of doing it because he doesn't know you want it. Next time you're doing it doggy style, as you're getting into it tell him to spank you. harder. harder harder. etc. I highly doubt he'll freak out.

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damn you've been missing out girl haha

 

The only way to have good sex is to have good communication. you should always tell your partner what your about....if you have a fetish that is not practiced commonly you might want to hold off until later in the relationship...but spanking and roughness is something you should bring up early. Always be vocal about what you think would make sex more enjoyable for you

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