Jump to content

Why is my ex being so passive-aggressive with me?


Recommended Posts

Hey guys! I have sent this problem to someone in a private message, but she logged off, so I'll post it here in the public for all of you to read and help me out.

 

So far, I've made great proccess. Anyways, on to the story...

 

Background: Together 1.5 years, I was his first long-term girlfriend. (He has had other girlfriends before me, but they were usually very short relationships) We used to be head over heels for each other, and he swore he would marry me. We are now broken up for 3.5 months. I dumped him, and he "rebounded" with some nasty girl 3 weeks afterwards. He's the kind that hates to be alone, "codependent" pretty much. During our break up, his friends would keep bringing him up over and over again while I was around, which made me tick if you can guess it. My ex and I avoided each other physically in school and such. They were together for like a month, and she dumped him for no reason. After that, he actually had the nerve to somewhat come to this one hallway I would frequent at school, and stare at me and have his friends try and gain my attention by talking really loud about him. So I ranted to this to my best friend, who is also good friends with my ex, and she suggest I talk to him. So I texted him, and we had a nice and short text conversation. But... then once I saw him in school, he would turn around and walk away quickly, leaving me confused. But then when I was walking with our friend, he would walk with us, but look terrified of me and only spoke in a really shy, quiet voice.

 

I texted him by then, asking if this is too hard for him now, and he blew up on me, and turned the table on me, saying "I think you're projecting your feelings onto me, I bet you still like me, etc etc!" but then we stopped fighting and I decided to cut contact for a while. So I avoided him for a while in school, and he would stare at me a lot and so will his friends.

 

Then he dated some other girl for a week, and she dumped him. Now all of his so called "friends" don't even bother much with him anymore. A few nights ago, I texted him a joke, and he replied and we had a very short but friendly conversation. My friend told me that he texted her saying, "Jamie(my name, btw) texted me! which I found a bit confusing. Why be so excited about me texting him? Haha, anyways...

 

I still feel like he's too shy to ever talk to me or see me face to face, you know? How can I slowly ease into a friendship with him? I don't like him like that anymore, but I'm not so sure about his feelings towards me. He says back then he doesn't think we're "right for each other", so I guess he's still feeling the same way... but why is it so hard to act natural around me?

 

Oh, and he has kept my number throughout the months (even the time I avoided him the second time), and kept all of my love letters, gifts, etc. which he has never done before with any of his ex girlfriends. I threw everything out lol.

 

We are not together and I don't want him back, he's too self destructive. I just want him back as a friend. Am I asking too much? Right now his life isn't doing too well- Right now he drinks a lot (which he has never done before), has already slept with 3 different people after me, and his friends don't really hang out with him anymore, not even his two best friends. So he just hangs out alone in his room, smoking nicotine and marijuanna. So I do feel pretty bad...

 

Thanks guys!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Right now his life isn't doing too well- Right now he drinks a lot (which he has never done before), has already slept with 3 different people after me, and his friends don't really hang out with him anymore, not even his two best friends. So he just hangs out alone in his room, smoking nicotine and marijuanna.

I would leave him alone as he doesn't seem terribly interested in hanging around with anyone right now, including you. He's an EX and perhaps that's a good enough reason to move on with your life and forget about the "want to be friends" bit. Sometimes people just need to part ways for a couple of years, to grow up and do other things. Let a couple of years pass and then see if a friendship can happen. Until then, I suggest you leave him be.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would leave him alone as he doesn't seem terribly interested in hanging around with anyone right now, including you. He's an EX and perhaps that's a good enough reason to move on with your life and forget about the "want to be friends" bit. Sometimes people just need to part ways for a couple of years, to grow up and do other things. Let a couple of years pass and then see if a friendship can happen. Until then, I suggest you leave him be.

 

The thing is, is that he WANTS to be my friend. It's just, when he saw me at school, he would get all chocked up and stuff, you know?

 

Right now, the ball is in his court if he wants to initiate future contact. I guess I'm being too much of a nice person doing this, I don't know... but hearing how his life was going, I just feel bad, you know?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Maybe he just needs a bit of a break away from you to sort himself out? I would still stay away from him for now, and as you say, the ball is in his court if he wants to make an effort to be friends with you again. Sounds like he's confused and needs time to sort himself out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Maybe he just needs a bit of a break away from you to sort himself out? I would still stay away from him for now, and as you say, the ball is in his court if he wants to make an effort to be friends with you again. Sounds like he's confused and needs time to sort himself out.

 

Yeah, of course. I'm not pushing him in any way, and I've gained enough independence to pull away from him easily thanks to my past NC experiences. I guess, what I'm trying to say, is that I feel kind of scared for him because he's been talking to our mutual good friend, and he's saying stuff like how much he hates himself and stuff. He has told me that he is suicidal, due to the fact that he's bipolar, so yeah... I just feel sort of scared when I think about it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Havent you read the thousands of messages from hurt dumpees on this site? Can't you see the damage you're doing? You're just messing with his heart and mind and if your worried about him committing suicide, why are you playing games with him?. Leave him alone to heal.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...