How important is physical attraction in the reconciliation process?

[Brownstone322]

I'm gonna go dress my windows twice tomorrow -- once in the morning, once in the evening.

[absinthe]

Not necessarily so...often feeling good about the body is just a surface "feeling good"...more about vanity and wanting others to ooh and aah about how good you look. It really has nothing to do with any deep, meaningful changes internally. It really is more about feeding into the Hollywood image and mainstream image of "if you are gorgeous, thin and buff you will be more popular". Feeling good about your body does not necessarily mean you feel good within yourself and are ready to tackle andy meaningful issues. Changing the body is just window dressing.

Okay, let's look at it your way and only your way, from every tiny aspect.

 

Say you're now 600 lbs and let yourself get that way during the relationship. Will these changes help you for attracting someone new or attracting back your ex? Do you think that a 600 lb person feels good about themselves mentally and emotionally?

[absinthe]

Not necessarily so...often feeling good about the body is just a surface "feeling good"...more about vanity and wanting others to ooh and aah about how good you look. It really has nothing to do with any deep, meaningful changes internally. It really is more about feeding into the Hollywood image and mainstream image of "if you are gorgeous, thin and buff you will be more popular". Feeling good about your body does not necessarily mean you feel good within yourself and are ready to tackle andy meaningful issues. Changing the body is just window dressing.

Okay, let's look at it your way and only your way, from every tiny aspect.

 

Say you're now 600 lbs and let yourself get that way during the relationship. Will these changes help you for attracting someone new or attracting back your ex? Do you think that a 600 lb person feels good about themselves mentally and emotionally?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Okay, let's look at it your way and only your way, from every tiny aspect.

 

Say you're now 600 lbs and let yourself get that way during the relationship. Will these changes help you for attracting someone new or attracting back your ex? Do you think that a 600 lb person feels good about themselves mentally and emotionally?

 

People are making the assumption that being in a relationship automatically means the person has put on weight and let themself go...most of the people I know remained the same weight during the relationship as they were before the relationship started. How many people on this forum who are running to the gym and losing weight to get the buff body actually had that buff body when their ex first met them? How many of the people doing the post breakup workout/diet regime actually put on 10, 15, 20, 30 pounds during the course of the relationship and started to look slovenly?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Okay, let's look at it your way and only your way, from every tiny aspect.

 

Say you're now 600 lbs and let yourself get that way during the relationship. Will these changes help you for attracting someone new or attracting back your ex? Do you think that a 600 lb person feels good about themselves mentally and emotionally?

 

People are making the assumption that being in a relationship automatically means the person has put on weight and let themself go...most of the people I know remained the same weight during the relationship as they were before the relationship started. How many people on this forum who are running to the gym and losing weight to get the buff body actually had that buff body when their ex first met them? How many of the people doing the post breakup workout/diet regime actually put on 10, 15, 20, 30 pounds during the course of the relationship and started to look slovenly?

[Tired Tiger]

To answer the original question...

How important is physical attraction in the reconciliation process?

The importance is directly proportional to a given individual's set of values and priorities. Do apparent physical changes make any subconscious difference? Sure. Would I put a primary strategic focus on it as a means to reconcile? Nope. Then again, physical attraction was never an issue with my ex, so...

[Tired Tiger]

To answer the original question...

How important is physical attraction in the reconciliation process?

The importance is directly proportional to a given individual's set of values and priorities. Do apparent physical changes make any subconscious difference? Sure. Would I put a primary strategic focus on it as a means to reconcile? Nope. Then again, physical attraction was never an issue with my ex, so...

[Brownstone322]

People are making the assumption that being in a relationship automatically means the person has put on weight and let themself go...

You're making the assumption (which you made up, as best I can tell), that anyone who makes a comment (or even inquires about) the value of getting into better shape and improving his or her appearance somehow blindly believes that looks -- and looks alone! -- is the key the getting one's ex back. I have yet to see anyone, anywhere, say such a thing. Only you. And not just on this thread. What's more, you seem to resent anyone who works hard on his on her appearance, whatever his motivation.

 

It's odd, but you've cast yourself as a crusader against fitness, as if people are somehow incapable of figuring out that there's a lot more to reconciliation than simply trimming and toning. To the contrary, I think everyone knows that already. In fact, people have acknowledged that point over and over.

 

Meanwhile (ironically) you seem unable to comprehend the points others have made:

 

• You can't seem to recognize that fitness and good looks breed confidence and self-esteem and that people who have been through breakups need all the confidence and self-esteem boosters they can get, even superficial ones.

 

• You can't seem to postulate that an improved physical impression (to wit: "Holy cow, does my ex look good these days!") might well stimulate the interest of one's broken half.

 

• You seem oblivious to the indisputable health benefits of intensive exercise, no matter what one's current age or fitness level may be.

 

• Finally, you can't seem to understand that (short of experimental cosmetic surgery) enhanced fitness is a win-win situation -- anyone who gets himself into better shape absolutely will not regret it no matter how his relationship with his ex ultimately plays out.

 

I don't like calling someone out, but you're being pointlessly obstinate. Just about everyone on this thread has acknowledged your basic argument -- that looks alone are superficial and don't guarantee success at anything -- because we all understood that to begin with. You, in turn, have acknowledged nothing.

 

I had an economics professor who, on the first night of class, always began by writing two words on the board: "positive" and "normative."

 

"The 'positive,'" he'd say,"refers to what is. The 'normative' refers to what you think should be. In this class, in the study of economics, we're concerned with what is, because until you understand what is and why, you can't properly assess what should be."

 

The significant influence of physical appearance throughout social interactions is a fact. Whether that's a good thing or not is a separate, normative argument, but that wasn't the topic of this thread.

[Brownstone322]

People are making the assumption that being in a relationship automatically means the person has put on weight and let themself go...

You're making the assumption (which you made up, as best I can tell), that anyone who makes a comment (or even inquires about) the value of getting into better shape and improving his or her appearance somehow blindly believes that looks -- and looks alone! -- is the key the getting one's ex back. I have yet to see anyone, anywhere, say such a thing. Only you. And not just on this thread. What's more, you seem to resent anyone who works hard on his on her appearance, whatever his motivation.

 

It's odd, but you've cast yourself as a crusader against fitness, as if people are somehow incapable of figuring out that there's a lot more to reconciliation than simply trimming and toning. To the contrary, I think everyone knows that already. In fact, people have acknowledged that point over and over.

 

Meanwhile (ironically) you seem unable to comprehend the points others have made:

 

• You can't seem to recognize that fitness and good looks breed confidence and self-esteem and that people who have been through breakups need all the confidence and self-esteem boosters they can get, even superficial ones.

 

• You can't seem to postulate that an improved physical impression (to wit: "Holy cow, does my ex look good these days!") might well stimulate the interest of one's broken half.

 

• You seem oblivious to the indisputable health benefits of intensive exercise, no matter what one's current age or fitness level may be.

 

• Finally, you can't seem to understand that (short of experimental cosmetic surgery) enhanced fitness is a win-win situation -- anyone who gets himself into better shape absolutely will not regret it no matter how his relationship with his ex ultimately plays out.

 

I don't like calling someone out, but you're being pointlessly obstinate. Just about everyone on this thread has acknowledged your basic argument -- that looks alone are superficial and don't guarantee success at anything -- because we all understood that to begin with. You, in turn, have acknowledged nothing.

 

I had an economics professor who, on the first night of class, always began by writing two words on the board: "positive" and "normative."

 

"The 'positive,'" he'd say,"refers to what is. The 'normative' refers to what you think should be. In this class, in the study of economics, we're concerned with what is, because until you understand what is and why, you can't properly assess what should be."

 

The significant influence of physical appearance throughout social interactions is a fact. Whether that's a good thing or not is a separate, normative argument, but that wasn't the topic of this thread.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Well, I guess you told me a thing or two about who I am and what I believe. It sounds like you have totally misunderstood me and what I am about. I won't bother to argue with your assumptions about me, my understanding, my so-called crusade and my so-called resentment. I think I have made my comments very general while you have made them very personal. Let's just agree to disagree without all the personal slams, shall we?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Well, I guess you told me a thing or two about who I am and what I believe. It sounds like you have totally misunderstood me and what I am about. I won't bother to argue with your assumptions about me, my understanding, my so-called crusade and my so-called resentment. I think I have made my comments very general while you have made them very personal. Let's just agree to disagree without all the personal slams, shall we?

[intolerable]

Well, I guess you told me a thing or two about who I am and what I believe. It sounds like you have totally misunderstood me and what I am about. I won't bother to argue with your assumptions about me, my understanding, my so-called crusade and my so-called resentment. I think I have made my comments very general while you have made them very personal. Let's just agree to disagree without all the personal slams, shall we?

 

I actually kind of agree with Brownstone here. Making assumptions is the impression you're giving off people, although I don't think that's your intention at all.

[Ivory_Tower]

Well, I certainly don't want my ex back, BUT yes, looking good can get attention.

 

My ex's own stepbrother commented on new photos that I put up of myself. I don't want to get back with him, BUT that felt nice.

[HoldingHope]

My weight training and bike riding has gave me some great confidence, so it is a good thing. It would be a lie if I said I didnt hope my ex noticed me last night when I ran into him. I am hoping it will trigger him thinking about the good times.

 

I am college educated, have lived abroad, well traveled...am I totally happy in my life? No...but I am the type of person that constantly tries to be better. And I feel I am getting better. So that is a huge plus!!! And despite that, what is so wrong with going crazy working out when someone is dumped? I was in pain pain pain and had to do SOMETHING. It was all I had to get me out of the slump...something new, something that would give me hope, and despite that, yah, it is not wrong to catch his eye again.

 

We had no fights, no conflicts, he just freaked on me and left. That is why is was such a shock. So, old emotional baggage consists soley of how things ended. I think I have changed in that I am stronger and more confident in myself....because it took a HUGE set of nads lol to walk into that party last night where he was. I could do it because I was better

[1MoreChance]

I think that exercising and taking care of your physical health and fitness is always important. After we are "dumped", we usually feel so unattractive, so exercisong can really help with self-image and also as someone else mentionned, with feeling better (releasing stress, producing endorphins, getting out to walk (personally, walking with my dog) or run, going swimming, going to the gym...

 

I don't think it should be a thing to do to "get the ex back", that is just fooling oursleves... if they come back cause they think we look "hot", obviouly it won't last, it's not a basis for a reconciliation...

 

I do think that being attracted to someone and sharing a chemistry is NOT all about looking good and fit. Take my ex, when we first met, I wasn't particularly attracted to what I SAW. It was a chemitry. Even if he puts o a little weight, I don't care. I find him HOT. Thiough i do think he looks great when he works out, I used to not be attracted to that particular body type before. but anyway for me it's more about chemistry than looks.

[Jm2056]

Ok, instead of starting a new thread I guess I'll just ask it on here. Which situations is physical attraction more useful for reconciliation? Is it easier if the dumper is still friends after the breakup or you two are livng completely separate lives?