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I really need advice on a sticky situation with my co-worker...


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So I've had this small crush on this girl at my work but never said anything to her about it. Last night she went out to the bars with her friends for her birthday and invited me. Near the end of the night, we were both pretty drunk and flirting with each other heavily. Things started to get a little physical with touching and kissing on the neck. It was then I told her that I thought she was really sexy. We started to get more physical and made out for like a second. At one point she even slid her hand down my pants!!

 

She stopped and said that we shouldn't do this because we work together and she want to make things weird. She said that if we didn't work together she would totally make out with me. I told her I respected her decision.

 

I woke up this morning and I just feel really really bad. I feel like I was inappropriate with her by being physical with her (even though she was physical with me also). I feel like I made the wrong decision by telling her she was sexy and that I was attracted to her. At the same time, I still do have a crush on her and wish we could have taken things further. I feel like her using the "we work together" excuse may be her way of telling me she isn't really interested. I doubt that because if she wasn't slightly interested, none of what happened last night would have happened.

 

Luckily she isn't at work today but she will be on Monday. I don't know what to do. I don't want things to be awkward. Should I pull her aside on Monday and talk to her about it and apologize to her about being inappropriate? Should I just stop pursuing her at all?

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I feel like her using the "we work together" excuse may be her way of telling me she isn't really interested. I doubt that because if she wasn't slightly interested, none of what happened last night would have happened.

 

 

Not true......she was drinking and when people drink they sometimes act and do inappropiate things.

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That's fine. My biggest concern is if I should bring up the incident with her and maybe apologize and say "I'm sorry if I was inappropriate the other night".

My advice would be to not apologize. If you do, she is going to think that you (maybe) regret what happened, and you don't want to send that message if you are interested in her. Just be confident...don't feel/act awkward because she will sense it!

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My advice would be to not apologize. If you do, she is going to think that you (maybe) regret what happened, and you don't want to send that message if you are interested in her. Just be confident...don't feel/act awkward because she will sense it!

 

Yeah but does that really matter? I mean, she said that we shouldn't be doing what we did because we work together. So obviously, even If I am interested, she seems to want to stand firm on the "We work together, we can't do this" theory.

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Yeah but does that really matter? I mean, she said that we shouldn't be doing what we did because we work together. So obviously, even If I am interested, she seems to want to stand firm on the "We work together, we can't do this" theory.

If you don't regret it, then why give her the impression that you do? I think it's much better to be real in situations like this. You're probably right in assuming that she's not that interested, hence the working together excuse, but sending vibes that you regret what happened could lead to an awkward working environment in the future. I think it's one of those things you should just let be. If she's worried about it at all, it's probably because she is worried that she led you on. From my perspective, apologizing would validate her worries. I'd say the more nonchalant, the better.

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Yeah, I guess you're right. But if she's not interested at all, why would she let any of that happen? Maybe it was just the alcohol talking. Also, she recently split with her boyfriend and I think she has feelings for him still, so that might be a reason too. I like your advice, I probably won't say anything the next time I see her. I'll act as if nothing happened.

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It sounds like she was into it as well. So it’s not like you took advantage of her or anything. Your attraction was mutual, so I don’t understand why you would have a problem with what you said as long as you were being honest. I tell ladies that they’re sexy or beautiful all the time. I mean it when I say it too. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. She knows what you think of her, and she obviously thinks something of you as well. I would say continue to be friendly when you see her. The weirdness will wear off after a little while. As long as she isn’t ignoring you, I would say don’t ignore her. That’s what will make it weird. I wouldn’t suggest pursuing her as though you want a relationship. She made it clear she is not comfortable with that because you work together. So just be friends for now. Whatever you do, do not apologize, unless you honestly regret being somewhat intimate with her. You like her, so don’t apologize for those feelings. You wanted her, don’t apologize for that either. Just respect her decision and be friends.

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I'd say the more nonchalant, the better.

 

The only problem with nonchalant is that if she actually was harboring a little crush on him as well and the alcohol simply helped bring it out, then acting nonchalant could make her feel insecure and wonder if it was merely alcohol fueling his actions as well.

 

It is a tough situation, because to me it actually sounds like she is attracted as well. I have a hard time believing that alcohol alone put something there that there wasn't already a hint of beforehand.

 

But if she doesn't want to pursue something with a co-worker, then that is your answer, bottom line. I'd say don't apologize, but don't be cold either. Just be respectful and friendly. If she changes her mind in time, let her come to you.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Ok, so yesterday I saw her for the first time since it happened...Neither one of us mentioned anything to each other. She treated me the way she always does, she was friendly and personable. I sat next to her in the kitchen at our lunch table with some other co-workers and she was fine. So I don't know what to do, should I just keep acting like nothing happened...I guess that's what she is doing as well.

 

I was thinking of maybe just saying to her "Hey, things got out of hand the other night and I just want you to know that I don't want things to be awkward between us at work" or something like that? Yes? No?

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The thing is, saying something like that may seem a bit unnecessary at this point seeing as she has now already seen you at work and even sat with you at lunch and it wasn't awkward at all. So it might be seen as just dragging it up when it kinda seems like she has chosen not to just yet.

 

I would say IF things do seem awkward at all, or if it gets brought up at all, maybe then you can tell her that you had fun with her that night, but also that you hope it doesn't make her uncomfortable. Just to walk the line between flirting and being a gentleman at work.

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