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Erection troubles....21 years old


matt7

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My first serious relationship began about a year and a half ago. She was like no other girl I have met before and I was very happy. Well about two months in we tried to have sex for the first time. I was a virgin and she had slept with about four guys before me. I hadn't known her for very long before we started dating and we hit it off very well. I see now that we probably moved a little too fast, but it just felt right. She saw sex as very important in a relationship and before we ever did it I had confidence in myself because I'm not used to failing. Well the first time we tried I had an erection when we began, but it went away if when we changed positions. She was very understanding and both agreed that I was probably just nervous since it was my first time. To be honest I'm a very worrysome person. Well, we tried more and more. Sometimes I would stay hard for the entire time, but others the same thing would happen as before. Soon enough I wasn't able to stay hard when she was on top and that was the only position where she could achieve an orgasm. All I ever wanted to do was please her so I feel like I put too much pressure on myself. Tried just getting in the moment more and it seemed to help. There were times though that I thought I was hard and when we were done she said I wasn't. Getting and maintaining an erection was always in the back of my mind. I did tons of research on it and even did kegels for awhile. I'm not sure they helped much though. I found her to be a very beautiful girl and was very physically attracted to her so I thought it was all in my head. Also, she had an STD which I contracted while using a condom after the first month of having sex. I worried about that as well because I know the rougher and longer the sex, the more chance there is of a breakout. I knew my worrying wasn't helping, but couldn't overcome it. Also, her last relationship was completely based on sex. It lasted for four years. I had a small problem with her sleeping with other guys before me as well because I felt like I wanted to wait for that perfect girl. I know it's ridiculous to think that though. I also worried about my penis size because at times it seems to be smaller than average. She assured me it wasn't a problem, but I still worried. I attribute the ed to those worrys too by not allowing me to achieve a full erection.

 

I finally felt like I had overcome my mental problems concerning it and then she broke up with me stating our sex life as one of the major problems. Well we got back together about four months later. This time I couldn't last very long (I worried about staying hard and pleasing her again.) Eventually, I couldn't obtain an erection at all. Well she broke up with me again and It's been a month. I can't remember the last time I had a full erection. It's hard for me to even get it up on my own. I used pornography to masterbate a lot the years before I dated her (and a few times while we dated) so I know that possibly could have contributed. I feel like it could be attributed to a lack of sex drive, but I wanted to have an exciting sex life (kinda contradictory I know.) We had a very troubled relationship due to my lack of knowledge concerning being in one and the sex. Two weeks after we broke up she told me she was moving a few states away to live with family and start with anew (she loves spontaneuity.) It's been a rough month. I know I should go to the doctor, but I'm still under my parents insurance and It's a very embarrasing thing (especially for someone my age) to deal with. They know we've had sex and how I contracted the STD, but they are all for no sex before marriage. My girlfriend wanted me to go to the doctor, but I told her it was all in my mind and told her I didn't need to go to the doctor because I'd fix it myself. I finally caved and told her I'd go. This was a week before our most recent break-up. I know I should have gone way earlier in our relationship, but I was so sure it was in my mind since I'm so young.

 

I don't exercise regulary, but I'm in good shape for not doing so. Pretty lean and muscular. I don't have any health conditions. I eat fairly healthy. I just don't understand why I have this problem. It feels that I can't carry on any healthy future relationships without having this problem fixed. I see how important a healthy sex life is and I need it. Plus I'm young. Shouldn't have to deal with this yet. Well, I know I've written a novel here, but does anyone have any suggestions? Any ways to overcome the mental aspect before I meet someone new? Or any physical problems it could be? I appreciate any help.

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I think that you need to get rid of the anxiety, sex is supposed to be a fun experience and you do not need to worry about your performance. I also think that you learned that some positions dont work for you because for whatever reason they are providing the sensation you need to maintain your erection, so avoid those positions. Predominantly this seems to be a mental thing but you need to realize your limits and what works for you and what doesnt.

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I had a slightly similar experience when I first had sex, and after that I wouldn't get excited thinking about sex. I stopped masturbating. It just really confused me. Like you, I wanted to please my partner. What helped me, was reading about sexual technique and how to give pleasure to women. That gave me more confidence. There is so much you can do with your mouth, tongue and fingers before you even have intercourse. Learning that and meeting someone that I clicked with who was patient with me helped a lot.

 

Do you give oral sex to her to give her an orgasm before intercourse? If you do, then you will feel less pressure from having to please your girlfriend with intercourse.

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For the next girl you're with, don't whack off for a few days before sleeping with her and see if that helps.

 

Are you circumcised?

 

Also, hopefully you'll have the talk before exposing her to H (hopefully your ex told you ahead of time), which, as you know from firsthand experience, can be transmitted even with condom use.

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