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What Makes a First Date Good or Bad--Conversation Wise and Other?


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I'm curious about what people talk about on dates. See, I've never been on a real date. I've had boyfriends, yes, but they started out as friendships first so we knew each other already.

 

What in the world do you do to make the date interesting? It seems kind of boring to just ask the usual interview questions like "what do you do?" "how many siblings do you have?" etc. And do you really care at first, unless you're infatuated with the person? I probably won't even remember those details unless I'm already enamored with the person.

 

I don't like dating but I want to get out there again after losing my fiance who I was deeply infatuated and in love with. Since I obviously can't have him, I'm going to have to find someone else. I'm not in a rush, but I want to at least put myself out there since I would like to start a family sometime soon. I'm definitely not going to go after just anyone though.

 

So how do you make things memorable or does it just matter how attracted to them you are (lust)?

 

Please share your advice and what makes a date good/bad for you!

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My first date with my boyfriend was awful.

We barely talked, I couldn't even make eye contact.

I was exhausted, and just couldn't help but wish I was at home going in bed.

Thank god we were sitting at a bar with a video game monitor that broke the awkwardness.

 

To me, it was a bad date. It was pretty bad.

 

But clearly its no indication, as we've been together for over 5 years! Haha.

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To me a first date is great if the person you are with is enthused about being there with you. If they are a good communicator and a good listener then conversation flows easier, making things more comfortable, no matter what activity you choose to do.

 

If you are very attracted to the person and you feel a spark and have lots in common, of course this may come easier. But even if you don't (or don't right away), you can still make the effort to be gracious and actively engaged in conversations with your date and make the best of things.

 

As for conversation topics... personally I find the less structured and interview sounding, the better. Things should flow naturally. Things should have a sense of fun and humor. People always want to ask things like, "So...what do you do for fun?" ... Yet to me that is such a broad and generic question.

 

Last night I was out with someone close to my own age group and I enjoyed getting asked things like "What was your favorite cartoon as a child?" which gave us both the opportunity to laugh and reminisce... and then "what do you absolutely hate?" which gave us both a chance to vent some (about similar things, thankfully). Less interview-like, and more opportunity for us to find common ground with one another and connect.

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^^^ ditto.....why go into the whys and wherefores and make it sound like an interview? What flilm do you like? what ice cream do you like? what bands do you like?...gawd how boring....If a guy did this with me, I'd be gone in two minutes flat...ZZzzzz

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^^^ ditto.....why go into the whys and wherefores and make it sound like an interview? What flilm do you like? what ice cream do you like? what bands do you like?...gawd how boring....If a guy did this with me, I'd be gone in two minutes flat...ZZzzzz

 

Then what do you suggest?

 

This is why I like meeting people organically as friends first and why I've never been on a blind date type thing. I don't know how you just chit chat normally with a strange guy you never met in your life...seems so weird. What do you talk about if not for the boring questions?

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The best first dates to me are where you really don't remember what you talked about but you remember that the conversation flowed and that you laughed a lot. The interview dates are typically bad dates. What I remember talking about on good dates was anecdotes about our lives/work/friends/family, comments on people watching.

 

Wait I sort of take that back. On my first-first date with my husband (the first time around we dated) I barely knew him and he asked me why I chose the field I went into (also his field) - I remember thinking that the way he asked the question was a wee bit stiff but his interest in the answer was so obviously sincere and I had a very good story as to why (which surprised him so that made it fun, too).

 

I remember one awful interview date from about 11 years ago:

 

Me: So, what does your mother do?

Him: (emphatic tone) NOTHING.

Me: Oh, you mean she didn't work outside the home when you were growing up?

Him: She did NOTHING.

 

(my mother's response when I got home was "well at least you know you've hit rock bottom").

 

Oh, the other killer interview question is when the guy had a sort of glazed look in his eye and said "Um, so do you like sports?" or "Um, so what do you like to do in your free time?" Check please......

 

I think when you feel a connection or click, it doesn't matter if the interview questions comes up because then you both know those are the interview questions but that they're not being asked because you're feeling uncomfortable or at a loss for words.

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