Jump to content

NC overused as a remedy for all cases?


bexcelant

Recommended Posts

I have been reading many threads on NC and I suppose it makes sense for a breakup or divorce. It lets you heal and move on and it allows the other person to think about you and wonder how you are doing.

 

I'm not sure this will be the right thing in my case. You see, I have a really good friend and I adore her to no end. I want her to be happy no matter what even if it's not with me. NC I think would be a total douche move just because she started dating someone else but it also kinda kills me to see and hear about it.

 

Funny thing is, 4 weeks ago, she told me how attractive and desirable I was and she was glued to me. I was really happy cause I thought now we can move this to another level. We used to talk two or three times a week either by IM or by telephone. Suddenly it all dropped off and I figured something was up.

 

Turns out she had met a new guy and I didn't know until lately. She told me over dinner when I finally got her to go out. Not what I expected so I well..maybe I freaked out. I told her that I wanted to see her myself. This isn't what I expected. I told her I couldn't see her the way we had in the past. I needed to put my mind in another place. She was hurt but said she understood. She told me she didn't know what she wanted and that this new relationship might not last.

 

It's now been a week. I guess my question is this, is no contact the best thing for me in this situation and also for her so she can focus on her relationship with this new guy? Is there something else I could have done better?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No, no contact is definitely for you. I've been in your friend's shoes more times than I can count. Unfortunately, most of the guys hate me and just drop off the face of the planet. It was decent of you to at least tell her what's up.

 

But, not once did I chase after them because I knew that I didn't want more. Them going "NC" helped them move on. As sad I was to go without their friendship, I know it was the best to leave them alone. NC will give you a final answer.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, I asked the NC question because the bottom line is this...if it works out, yes she'll marry him and I'll be left holding the bag but I know the odds of this happening are long especially with a new relationship. Yes, this would kill me if I were there watching the entire thing unfold.

 

On the other hand, if you're there if things go wrong, you can step it up because you'll be there for her. I guess I'm thinking of the Harry Met Sally moment.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, I asked the NC question because the bottom line is this...if it works out, yes she'll marry him and I'll be left holding the bag but I know the odds of this happening are long especially with a new relationship. Yes, this would kill me if I were there watching the entire thing unfold.

 

On the other hand, if you're there if things go wrong, you can step it up because you'll be there for her. I guess I'm thinking of the Harry Met Sally moment.

 

You could and then you can have the situation repeated again when she goes for another guy.

 

You should just move on with your life, meet other girls out there who will see you more than an emotional clutch/pseudo-friend/ego boost. I say pseudo-friend because she's not even really your friend when she doesn't have your best interest at heart.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not sure this will be the right thing in my case. You see, I have a really good friend and I adore her to no end. I want her to be happy no matter what even if it's not with me. NC I think would be a total douche move just because she started dating someone else but it also kinda kills me to see and hear about it.

 

That is reason alone to go NC for a while. Doesn't have to be forever and it doesn't have to be dramatic. But you need to take care of yourself.

 

Part of taking care of yourself is not engaging in emotional self-injury.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...