Jump to content

How to deal with controling mother?


Anusha

Recommended Posts

My mother is very controling and wants me to do whatever she says and when I say no she doesnt acept it and just act like if Im being rude and selfish.I really hate when she makes me fell guilty for that because I know I dont have to do everything people tell me and I have the right to say no.Talking with her about it isnt a option because she wont listen,she gets all mad when I tell her I didnt like something she did and take it personal like if I dont like her or anything.Also she doesnt admit that she is wrong or what she did isnt much nice.How can I handle that situation?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Alright that makes it harder, because the way she sees it you are living with her in her house. This is a problem that I think almost every teen has to deal with, I do for sure. If it is possible moving out is the best option because it sounds like you want to break free and be your own person. If it is impossible or impractical to move out I guess your just going to have to deal with it, it sucks I know but it will take a lot of fighting and could even hurt your future relationship with her. I hope someone else can take a stab at this as well because this is just my opinion.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You live under her roof and she's your mother. The way I was raised, as long as you live under your parents' roof, you live by your parents' rules.

 

When you say she wants you to do whatever she says, what are some examples?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Every small things,like today for example she told me to do something on a game on the computer that we play together and I said no that I was busy.She said I wasnt doing anything important but to me it was,it wasnt anything about work or study but I was reading something on the net that is important for me.Plus I think if she chosed to play the game it is her responsibility to do it.And it goes for everything,like once she asked me to go to the bakery to get her something and I said no and she got mad.Is like I cant say no to her and have to do everything she ask me.She doesnt acept fine when I say I dont want to do it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You live under her roof and she's your mother. The way I was raised, as long as you live under your parents' roof, you live by your parents' rules.

 

By no means am I condoning not listening to your parents... But hear me out. I don't know the OPs actual situation but I believe some parents really are just that controlling.

 

BOTH my parents have been like this my whole life. Under, and out of their roof. (It may be a cultural thing... we're Filipino) When I got married and moved out at 20, she still felt the need to try to control everything I did. As an adult, I know now my mother suffers from a real bad case of bi-polar disorder.

 

Anyway, I got divorced 2 years ago and moved in with them temporarily (at 25 years old) so I can save up to buy a house... At 25, have they changed their treatment for me? NO. Although this time, it is mostly my dad.... Because it is his house, he must have things done his way, no matter how irrational. I respect his wishes therefore I do what he asks, even though his requests are irrational.

 

Examples are closing every door in the house at all times (if he finds a door open, all hell breaks loose), closing all cabinets (God help my 5 year old when she accidentally leaves the utensil drawer slightly ajar...), my kids playing games that bothers him (all hell broke loose once because the neighbor brought over sidewalk chalk and they drew a hopscotch grid on the driveway... took 3 seconds to spray it off, but 4 hours of dad yelling at kids and me about how it looks "messy" to the neighbors... really? It was the neighbor's chalk!). Seriously, my dad wants us to sit in our rooms quietly, make no noise, close all doors, and clean his house (he's never lifted a finger his whole life in the house). Is this rational? Hell no. The only reason I do it, is because I don't want to hear him b*tch. I have children of my own and am grown, yet he continues to do it...

 

My point is, the whole "living under your parents' roof" isn't always so black and white. Some parents are irrational and controlling. It's easy to tell a minor to listen to their parents because they live under their roof, but looking deeper, some kids really do have the right to call out... Even if it's to just vent.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I understand that, but this is simply going to the bakery to get something for her mother.

 

Anusha, if these things are so little, why is it such a problem for you to take care of them? I don't think it's unreasonable to run an errand for your mother. You say she chose to play the game, but you also said you play it together, meaning you chose to play it with her.

 

Can I ask how old you are?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

People control by two means; guilt and fear

 

The best thing you can do is get out of under their thumb (which probably means moving out) so that you can escape the fear.

 

And becoming financially independent to get rid of the guilt factor.

 

I'm stuck with the guilting and the fear mongering of my mother until I graduate from college. Once I'm done with school, I'm out of there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Im 26, Seymore.There is no problem in me doing errands for her,the problem is that she acts as is my obligation to do so.She can go to the bakery and do it herself but when she doesnt fell like going she ask me to go for her.I see that as a favour that I could do for her not a obligation and so Im allowed to say no and she should just acept it in my opinion instead of geting mad and trying to make me seem selfish or mean for not doing so.About the game,we both play it but I have my own duties there and she has hers but she asked me to do hers.I guess what bothers me most is that I dont have the freedom to say no and she just act like if I have to do everything she ask me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So she asked you to do her duties in this game (what game gives you duties? lol). You have the right to say no. You're 26. BUT - you still live under her roof, so in my opinion, you do have a certain amount of responsibility to follow what she asks. If you don't like it, I'd suggest you move out. It might be a big relief for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Since you are living at home, your mother has more rights to ask you to do some favours for her than under circumstances. If the 2 examples you have given are the major isssues for you, I think you should thank your lucky stars, because it doesn't sound like major problems.

 

It seems great to me that you are playing computer games with your mother, I don't know many mothers who have an interest in this.

 

As to your living situation: are you working on obtaining a degree/ job so that in the near future you can move out and start being an independent adult?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

30 Control Quotes
30 Control Quotes

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...