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I hate this life. What else is new?


Castaway

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For about the past two years I have been having these suicidal thoughts and urges. I have been wishing myself to be dead and never have to deal with the world again. Want to know the real twist?

 

I'm only 15.

 

For my life, I can see no hope. I think to myself "If these are to be some of the best years of my life, then life isn't going to continue for me." People have always tried to help me with encouragements, commonplace sayings and, in some cases, promises of divine spiritual saviors. None of these assurances help alleviate my fears. Nobody can prove heaven exists; Nobody can truly apply those sayings to the question of gods; Nobody can offer any encouragement that lasts a lifetime. No hope exists in these trials and only the nagging hope of true oblivion offers me any solace.

 

What if hell exists? Is eternal pain and suffering even possible? I have no answers to my questions, and that, more than anything, tears at my mind.

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I'm sorry you are going through this. I dealt with depression since I was 12. Well, I was diagnosed at 12, but I was depressed well before that. I used to be a cutter and I had suicidal thoughts as well. Are you seeing a doctor? Mine saved my life. If you aren't, I highly suggest it. I swear things get better if you can get on some medication and you can get an appt with a psychiatrist. I never thought I would be half as happy as I am today. I promise it's possible

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For my life, I can see no hope. I think to myself "If these are to be some of the best years of my life, then life isn't going to continue for me."

 

 

I dont know who made that line up but I have wanted to Chuck Norris roundhouse kick him in the face for at least a decade. Just because you are a teen does not make these the best years of your life. Mine sucked. School was an abomination and home was worse.

 

I am not going to say that life will come up roses. What I will say is this. As you get older, you will be better equipped to handle it. In the meantime, you might want to consider talking to a professional.

 

 

People have always tried to help me with encouragements, commonplace sayings and, in some cases, promises of divine spiritual saviors. None of these assurances help alleviate my fears.

 

What are your fears?

 

Nobody can prove heaven exists;

 

Nope they can't.

 

Nobody can truly apply those sayings to the question of gods;

 

God is beyond trite quotations.

 

Nobody can offer any encouragement that lasts a lifetime.

 

Of course not. That is unrealistic. No one phrase will take care of that. If they did, Hallmark would have copyrighted it.

 

No hope exists in these trials and only the nagging hope of true oblivion offers me any solace.

 

 

Let me ask you this, what is oblivion to you?

 

To me it is the unknown. What is death? It is the unknown.

What is tomorrow in this life? An unknown.

 

If I am going to live in/face the unknown, it may as well come equipped with a house, and heat and A/C, and an internet connection.

 

 

What if hell exists?

 

I think you can only believe in hell if you believe in heaven. I dont believe one can be without the other.

 

Is eternal pain and suffering even possible?

 

I guess if you believe in hell it is. But if you believe in hell, as I mentioned earlier you cant have it without heaven, so to counter your point is eternal bliss possible?

 

 

I have no answers to my questions, and that, more than anything, tears at my mind.

 

 

I am so sorry that this is a difficult time for you. You are in a rough age. Old enough to know the disgust and hurt and pain, and yet not old enough to get in a car and drive away from it all. Will tomorrow be better, I dont know. I hope it will. That is all you can really count on, the hope of tomorrow.

 

I am lucky in that I have a strong faith. If I didnt have it, I dont know where I would be. I just I would be in your shoes, and hanging onto the next best thing, hope.

 

 

All the best,

 

owb

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You know back in my Atheist days in october of i had my darkest days and even tired to bail out myself because I thought nobody loved me or cared for me further more there was just so much going on to the point I had no respect for anything spritual at the time, I thought I had found hell. I won't get into the details.

 

For your age its very understandable that you feel this way when your a teenager because your growing, I was 17 when I tired suicide and I used to think ill never make it past 20 years of age, now its 3 years later and they have been the best years of my life so far. Heck I even found the holy spirit for the first time!.

 

There's hope however its up to you weither you want to fight for it and its possible, you can reach for it and soon again enjoy life just as you once did. I can't change your choice but I can tell you that cutting your life short will not solve that dark cloud over your life right now, only god knows where you would be going then, non of us do not know what tomorrow holds some of us can only try to predict like the weather.

 

We all want sunny days and most of us are getting rainny days, thunderstorms and even tornadoes. We will have to deal with those bad forces of nature weither we like it or not but evenutually there is times where it clears up and we get those sunny days in our lives that leave us in that aww!. The same factor could be applied to life as well. We sometimes have go through hell to find heaven. Just hang in there and ride the storm out, it will be alright.

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First a) I am not your typical,hormone-controlled teen who mopes around hating everything about life. I have an active,conscious anger towards life's spleen and hell, I'm not even affected by the hormones much. b) my fears are the uncertainties of life and death. c) oblivion to me is just eternal nothing. No thought, no emotions, no existence. d) I don't know wether hell, heaven; eternal bliss, eternal torment even exist or are possible. I don't understand how people can believe in things for which there is no proven knowledge of. Mine is an analytical mind.

 

P.S. Sarcastic humor helps not at all.

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Hey I never said you were a typical hormone controlled teen, I was only trying to show you I related because at your age, my life was hell too. I had a dad who would beat the crap out of us if we walked the wrong way down the hall. Verbal abuse was passed of as "conversation". School was a nightmare. I just wanted you to see that other people have hurt during "the best years of your life too"

 

In life and death there is a lot of uncertainity. You are right, but it isnt always something to fear. Life can - at times- also be really good. Sometimes it just takes awhile to get there.

 

I am like you, I dont know for 100% that those things exist. But I would like to think at the end of my life, that this is not all there is. that the suffering and abuse I endured and the lessons I learned from it all will mean something. So I hope and I try and have faith that it will.

 

As far as the Hallmark comment, sarcasm was not my goal. I was just hoping it would make you crack a smile. My mistake.

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I never explicity told anyone around me that I wanted to die (they can force your hand when you're a minor), but I certainly expressed frustrations to my dad...he would at times play the spiritual card, too.

 

I do not worry about heaven and hell. I personally feel that if there is a God, he has done a spectacularly terrible job. It is for this reason that I dismiss religion.

 

The goal is to find something here that you can live for or love, not out of fear or coercion, but simply because it's something you want to do.

 

A man can drive himself crazy contemplating the sort of questions you are entertaining, which is why I live by the "here and now" principle.

 

I do not know what troubles you. I do not know why you are suicidal. If you are analytical and wish to discuss some of life's greatest mysteries, then I advise you to stick around. I have a lot of sites and books and ideas that I can show you.

 

Everytime I respond to a suicide thread, I feel like a pot talking to a bunch of kettles. I certainly understand what it is you're feeling, but solutions are difficult. Nothing worthwhile is ever very easy, and it's something I myself struggle with.

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Hey Castaway, it sounds like you are a pretty smart person, because otherwise you wouldn't even be interested in tackling such difficult questions and issues. Life is hard, and sometimes it seems almost too hard, but you have to recognize that suicidal thoughts are basically a response to life's difficulties outmatching coping mechanisms to deal with them. Sometimes it gets that way, but that doesn't mean suicide is the answer. I found this site to be a good description of the nature of the problem: link removed I hope it helps. Talk to someone, you'd be surprised how helpful that can be. All the best.

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Life absolutely sucked for me as a teenager. I regularly thought of suicide, on the verge of 'pulling the trigger' a few times. Life got a whole lot better in my late teens and early 20's, but we all go through tough times in the meantime. Suicide isn't the answer... just try to accept life's ups and downs the best you can.

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