Bringing back the love :D.

[hmmmbored]

Hello, I have a situation with my current girlfriend. Our relationship has had nothing but problems since day 1, not of our fault though. A week after knowing her she tried to commit suicide, I found her and was the one that called 911 that potentially saved her life. She has had problems with alcohol and soon after the hospital I was helping her by supporting her and also going to AA meetings every once in a while. We got through it, she feels much better and no longer drinks. I then dipped down into a drug problem that resulted from going to parties. I have struggled with drugs for years, this created problems for us. It eventually landed ME in the hospital for an overdose which was actually the last night I have used. We got through it, we have been studying the bible and making advances which has helped us more than anything else.

 

All these problems have really never allowed us to have a normal relationship as I am now dealing with serious anxiety and depression problems due to my childhood and self-guilt over bad decisions I have made. I am doing better thanks to studying the bible but our relationship has really taken a toll. We are making the decision to work towards no sex so we can wait until marriage.

 

I think this has made me fall out of love but I'm not exactly sure. She is an incredible person, she is beautiful, smart, I can have fun with her, she is wacky like me. When I compare the good to the bad it is funny to me because the only things I can think about improving are an occasional bad attitude and a couple physical things. She is wonderful, she has every quality I want in a person but because of my anxiety I tell myself our relationship isn't going to work as a defense mechanism. It is bad, she has stuck with me though through this, I have brought up breaking up and actually did it a few times throughout the relationship due to my insecurity and hurt over things that have happened, we never stay broken up even overnight. I just can't bring myself to let her go but sometimes I get so insecure and am so afraid of being hurt I will talk myself out of feelings. I don't want to do this anymore, I want to love her with my whole heart and give this relationship everything. I want to stick my neck out and show her what a good person and boyfriend I can be.

 

My question for you all is this: How do I bring the spark back (without sex), make myself believe our relationship will not fail, and be 100% sure that I am in love with her. I want this relationship to work. Thank you all for reading

 

Also, earlier in the relationship when she struggled with her alcohol problem I caught her in many lies. None recent but it has created doubt in my mind and also a lack of complete trust. This is troubling me so much because I feel like I don't love her but I want to. I want to love her like she deserves but I don't think I do and it hurts me inside.

[DN]

because the only things I can think about improving are an occasional bad attitude and a couple physical things.

What do you mean by 'physical things'?

[hmmmbored]

What do you mean by 'physical things'?

 

A couple stupid things... I'm going to sound dumb, but... Posture, and hair where I don't like hair being That's about it.

[faolanblood]

THe bible says very clearly 1 Corinthians 7:9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

 

My husband and I were married veryt fast due to our believes in God and the bible it is not some thing that I regret in the least either but praise God that we did.

 

I think you should marry her my self. I see no reason not to. Marriage is wonderful and absoultly amazing.

 

True it takes a lot of work and I mean a lot. Some times you night not ever like eachother well feel like you do but it is through marriage and marriage a lone that you learn what love is. The bible says it is as follows

 

1 Corinthians 13:2-13 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

 

Charity is a Godly Love and how we should love it is a love aboce brotherly love. It Is how god loves us and how we should learn to love others and our selves.

 

As far as your issues I do not believe in Depression although I have been as a child diognosed with Depression and PTSD I don't believe in it or Medication. My personal beleif is in God and the Bible. I know my Gods arms are not to weak nor to short. I can quote many versus that lead me to believe this and I have gone through a many a things in my short life that have drawn me to this though.

 

THe bible for thought also say Colossians 2:8 Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. Psycology to me is no more then this really. And in all honesty it never works the way God does because it can never fill or satufy like GOD can for years I seeked after the traditions of man to help me and it never did I was insecure and had low selfesteem you would say...man never helped but GOd has.

 

If you seek him with your hole heart and believe he is able he will provide for you what no one else can.

 

Consider this Joh * 14:13

And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.

Joh * 14:14

If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.

Joh * 15:16

Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.

Joh * 16:23

And in that day ye shall ask me nothing. Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, he will give it you.

Joh * 16:24

Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.

Joh * 16:26

At that day ye shall ask in my name: and I say not unto you, that I will pray the Father for you:

 

God has already given us everything to the point of dying for our sins what more is it to ask him for something like peace or wisdom, or understanding? something so much less to heal you or help you?

THe bible already tells you so much he will do for you to the point of not even having to worry he will take care of every need.

 

I dont no your faith but if you better would like to understand the bible and how it may apply there is versus after veres I can show you.

 

If you have a messenger I would love to talk to you about this.

 

I am not looking to get you saved...although I do believe that is the first step I am more willing to show you were and what the bible says if you have only started reading it there are wonders in it you really need to hear. However you need God for any of it to make a difference.

 

Also God made her how me made her hair and all. She should be captivating to you reguardless I am sure she does not complain about your fail down there.

 

Shaving or not it is her personal choice.

 

not that it really matters right now any way there are more important thing for you to work on and discover.

 

Oh sparking a relationship up to me is easy. One thing I loved about being with my husband before we were married and before the sex and even now is how much we just enjoyed eachothers company it has never mattered what we were doing really.

 

You should be able to just love being next to her. Study her get to know her. What she likes dislaike.

Candle lit dinners are nice...beach..pools...watch a movie together go for a walk.

Make her a hand made card or a gift basket. Write a poem for her you dont have to be good at it she will like it just becasue it is from you and she loves you. Cook for her...learn how if you dont know how.

Don't live together if your trying not to have sex becasue that will make it to hard. Although I still think you should get married.

 

Read together...ummm you could got o the zoo or some other attraction together valenteer some were together.

 

Just enjoy being with eachother and getting to no eachother my husband and I still do these things. it is great.

[Capricorn3]

I'm sorry to say, but this relationship sounds dysfunctional at best. You said yourself that it has been nothing but problems since day one, and I agree.

 

has created doubt in my mind and also a lack of complete trust. This is troubling me so much because I feel like I don't love her but I want to. I want to love her like she deserves but I don't think I do

 

I think this is the most significant part of your post. You don't really love her, (or at least you don't feel you do), and you don't trust her either. Without those two ingredients, I don't see this heading for great success.

 

Wouldn't it be better to make a clean break, so that both of you can sort yourselves out before thinking about a relationship.

[mca1975]

I don't think quoting the bible is going to help here. It certainly doesnt sound like you should marry.

 

I believe in God, but I don't think that what god has written above has taken into account the problems that exist in the modern world and the problems and insecurities of these two young people (drug-taking. alcohol etc). It has no bearing on that.

 

Maybe you two could benefit from a break?