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What do you do with things that you & your ex owned together?


toni2007

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My ex boyfriend dumped me over two weeks ago now. We were together for 2 years and lived together for only 3 months. It was his idea to move in together. This is alsothe second time he dumps me. He told me he missed his friends and didn't want me any more because I was taking up too much of his time.

 

As I was emptying out our apartment, I took the refrigerator and a grill (both new, less than 3 months old). Now that I've emptied out the place he has the nerve to call me and demand money for the grill (which was a gift given to both of us) and the fridge (which we bought together). He never discussed what to do with any of these things he took his things and just left the grill and the fridge behind.

 

He's left me several voicemails asking me for money or to return the fridge and grill and sounds angry. What do I do?

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Ideally when you split, joint asserts should be divided equally. Look at all the things you jointly own and roughly split them down the middle. If these are the only two things that you jointly own then you should work out the cash values and divide them that way, or sell them and split the proceeds.

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If you don't have the money to pay him half of each, you could also tell him to pay you half and you will give them to him. Or, figure out the values of each item, give him the grill and pay him half the cost of the fridge minus half the cost of the grill. I can't figure out how to say this so it makes more sense. Ok, for simplicity, lets say the grill costs $50 and the fridge costs $200. Your portion of ownership in each is $25 and $100, respectively. So if you don't have enough money to pay him half of each ($125), you could give him the grill and pay him $75 (because $100 is what you would have owed him for the fridge, but subtract $25 from that because you gave him your portion of the grill)

 

Hope that makes sense...

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Thanks this makes sense.

 

Here's the other problem...we were suppose to take several trips together this summer, inluding a trip to NYC and Miami. We bought and paid for everything when I cancelled my half, which I had paid for, there were so many penalties and fees that I am now out over $1000. He decided to go to NYC so only cancelled his trip to Miami.

 

Two weeks ago when I cancelled everything I was so shaken up by the break up that losing $1000 of my hard earned money didn't seem like such a big deal but now when I think about it...$1000 is A LOT of money for me.

 

The trips were his idea, moving out togther was his idea AND breaking up was his idea. Is it really fair that I should lose all that money?

 

I think the grill and the fridge hardly cover my losses, as well as the cost of moving and the penalty that we split 50/50 for breaking our lease under such short notice.

 

Advice?

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When I left my ex-fiance, I just gave him all the stuff we owned together--95% of which my parents purchased for us. I never demanded money from him, I just didn't want to deal with having a fight over who owned what or who owed money for the items. I guess that was just me, though...

 

If you really did purchase them together and he does want compensation for them, I guess it's only reasonable that you pay for half of them. But is it really about the items themselves? If he left them behind, I'd assume he doesn't want them--and he's only throwing a fit because it's an easy way for him to get extra money. I don't know, I guess I'm on the fence on this one. In all honesty, though, it would just prevent a lot of drama to give him a little money since you took them both.

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The trips were his idea, moving out togther was his idea AND breaking up was his idea. Is it really fair that I should lose all that money?

 

Sorry, but he is not legally responsible for your losses on the trips. He may have a moral obligation but he may not see it that way.

 

Personally I think your best course is to cut your losses. Sell the joint assets and split the money.

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I left a previous relationship and let my ex boyfriend keep everything, it was easier than giving someone a call over what could very well be $100. Just as well another ex boyfriend let me keep some things once but this guy is totally different.

 

I also know he's a big baby, in debt and has fits all the time. This could be just a scheme to see me and I don't want to fall into that trap. I don't care to talk to him or e-mail him or anything. I don't have an address for him either because I have no idea where he's living.

 

If he really just wanted money wouldn't he have e-mailed me an address or left a voicemail with that info so that I could forward him his money? It could have been his friend's address or parents.

 

He leaves me a message saying he wants me to call him but I can't bring myself to do that.

 

Do you know of ex's that leave stuff behind, maybe on purpose, just to later have an excuse to see you?

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He walked out and then contacted you with a negative attitude? You owe him nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Just change your number.

 

YES! He walked out after exactly 90 days of living together, dumped me on our 2 year anniversary and then leaves me 2 angry voicemails demanding money for two things that were left behind. He moved all his stuff out, why didn't he take the grill and the fridge with him? He had 2 weeks to do so. He did move his things out before I did.

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YES! He walked out after exactly 90 days of living together, dumped me on our 2 year anniversary and then leaves me 2 angry voicemails demanding money for two things that were left behind. He moved all his stuff out, why didn't he take the grill and the fridge with him? He had 2 weeks to do so. He did move his things out before I did.

 

It's really up to you to decide what to do with the grill and fridge. Whatever you do, I would not give him actual money for these items. I would actually be interested to see what a court says about the grill and fridge

 

The real question is; why are you moving in with and tying yourself financially to guys who are not your husbands?

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Im sorry to hear about your troubles Toni2007..

If i were you, i would keep one and give him the other..

 

Like you said in one of your previous threads, its so much better to find out now before we are too heavily involved ie marraige, kids etc..

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Im sorry to hear about your troubles Toni2007..

If i were you, i would keep one and give him the other..

 

Like you said in one of your previous threads, its so much better to find out now before we are too heavily involved ie marraige, kids etc..

 

Yes ... I don't mean to sound like a prude or to blame you Toni. Rather, I'm just wondering why you would tie yourself financially to people you are not commited to.

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Thank you Ms Darcy, Chickenjuice, Not Again and everyone else, your responses are greatly appreciated!

 

Ms. Darcy, you are absolutely right! I will never live with a man ever again without being married. This is the first time I live with a boyfriend and he dumped me exactly 90 days after we moved in together because he missed his friends (the single life).

 

I had never before had any financial ties to any man but when we moved in we needed a fridge so we bought it and split the costs and the grill was a gift.

 

Not only was a dumped but duped. On Friday night he was telling me he loved me and wanted marriage, children , to buy a house and then on sunday night he dumped me!

 

Does he really deserve anything after he split AND left the fridge and grill behind?

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The thing I don't fully understand is why your ex wants you to pay for half of something that was a gift? If it was a gift, then he didn't pay anything for it either.

 

Second, if you say you bought the fridge together, doesn't that imply that you already paid your share?

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Yes, the fridge was $700, we each paid $350. On top of it all he wanted to sell it for only $300 so that we could each get $150, in his voicemail he also stated that how dare I take the grill because he was in the process of selling it!

 

He may think I took it in order to give him an excuse to call me, which is actually the last thing I want. I took it because it was left behind and I am trying very hard to make a Clean break, no contact ever again with him or anyone close to him, none!

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Yes, the fridge was $700, we each paid $350. On top of it all he wanted to sell it for only $300 so that we could each get $150, in his voicemail he also stated that how dare I take the grill because he was in the process of selling it!

 

He may think I took it in order to give him an excuse to call me, which is actually the last thing I want. I took it because it was left behind and I am trying very hard to make a Clean break, no contact ever again with him or anyone close to him, none!

 

Well, for the fridge, I suppose the decent thing to do would be to pay him his half, since it's so new and he won't be getting any use out of it anymore.

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I think it is best to not mix up emotional responses with financial responsibilities. If you can separate the two and come to a decision purely on what is right about the money then it would be easier for you in the long run - there would be no nagging doubts about what you decided.

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DN, you're right, I have to do a better job of not mixing my emotions with my finances...it's so hard because right now I miss him sooooo much and am so sad but at the same time I hate his guts and am very angry that he left after 90 days when it was his idea to ove out together.

 

Enough, i'm starting to sound like a broken record.

 

Thanks everyone for your replies.

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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