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What do tell an overly clingy platonic friend?


riverhead
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This old friend that I have not seen in 25 years tracked me down on the internet - he found my name and email and sent me one of those "hey, long time how are you!" emails. He was an ok guy in high school... life just took us in different directions and we never kept in touch. So anyway, he pestered me right and left to get together for beers and we did and then he helped me move a couple weeks ago and so I took him out on my boat... but after hanging out I gotta say this dude bores the hell out of me with his inane low-brow stories and I really don't want to hang out that much, but the guy just keeps calling and sending me these "helpful" tips about a home remodel I'm working on, and inviting me to parties with his church friends (I'm not religious). I feel like I'm being pestered by a pushy salesperson.

 

Anyway, I hate being rude to people that seem earnest, but I need a way to deal with this. I think he is lonely... sounds like his divorce was hard on him and his 3 kids don't talk to him much. The thing is, we were never close friends even in high school so I have no idea why he has suddenly latched on to me unless he is trying to "save me" but I've made it very clear that I'm not into religion so I dunno what gives.

 

I'm to the point now where I'm just telling him I'm busy... but I'm a bit tempted to be more direct and say "dude, I don't enjoy hanging out with you every other day so just back off you are acting like a clingy chic". Of course, I don't think I would actually say that.

 

How would others handle this?

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Yeah that probably wouldn't be a very nice thing to say! Just turn him down more often & hang out like once every month or two. When I lived in a different area last year, I had a bunch of friends that liked to go out all the time. Honestly I just don't like going out for dinner & drinking that often. So I turned down the offers more often than I went, and eventually they stopped asking me as frequently.

 

I would just turn him down more often & say you just aren't in the mood for going out or have something else going on. It's not your duty to be his friend in his time of need, since you weren't even friends to begin with. But it'd be nice of you to still hang out with him occassionally. Maybe invite him to some social things with your other friends so when you are hanging out with him, it isn't like one on one.

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You have to keep in mind that he may be hurt by you pushing him away, & he may completely disappear.

 

If you're ok with this happening, or WANT this to happen, then there's one thing you can do:

 

I used to be really close with this girl in highschool. After highschool, we went off to different universities, so we didn't keep in touch as much. She became a drug-addict & was into the wrong scene, so I tried to avoid her. About a year ago, she was in town & we ran into each other, exchanged numbers (had no choice). She started contacting me on almost a daily basis asking me what i'm up to, if I wanna hang out, etc.

 

I would always momentarily refuse, saying I'm studying, busy with family, etc. It came to a point where I saw that wasn't working, so once day she asked, "why don't you ever wanna do anything?" & I said, "At this point in my life, I'm really caught up with school, work, family problems (BS), so I don't really have an interest in hanging out with friends...but once I get this all sorted out, I'll make sure I get back at you".

 

That was the end of it.

 

Not sure if you'd wanna try something so extreme, but it worked for me...but she was someone I wanted & HAD to get rid of.

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