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Well, I just did the inevitable. Called the ex!

 

We talked, I wanted to meet to talk face to face. She didn't want to and said that she just wanted to hear it. So after much persuasion I just told her what I had to say over the phone.

 

It wasn't emotional although I told her how I felt in a calm way. I know that all advice on message boards say do not tell them how you feel but it was something I just had to do.

 

I told her that now I see how much I was at fault of the relationship and how breaking up was the only way we could have gotten out of the rut we were in. I told her how I still have feelings for her, that I still love her!!!! (cringing thought now but i don't regret it)

 

She told me how she felt. She said she still has feelings for me, is sad that she has lost a friend. She said that she was content in being single, how her life had changed, how she had met loads of new people and is sorting her life out in terms of career/health etc. I said that I was happy for her, which I am.

 

She understood how it may be more difficult for me to move on as I am still at the apartment we lived in while she has been able to remove herself from the situation.

 

I guess what I can take from all of this is that it is most definitely time to forget and move on. it has been 5 months now. There is no going back.

 

I did feel sad after speaking to her because it has kind of closed a door of uncertainty but also has helped in that it has made me feel as though I have to move on. I also feel as though she now knows after a while of not speaking, how I feel and what she decides to do with that is up to her but i also stated that this is the last time I am going to talk about it.

 

Well, thats it I guess. No more wondering (I hope) and no more Ex in my life to any extent what so ever!

 

 

Time to move forward >>>>>

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Yes, I think thats the kind of feeling I have now which was perhaps holding me back from moving on. I feel quite cleansed and am pleased that I got to the point where I could tell her that without having loads of doubts of how I acted and was just completely honest. No more games!

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JohnnyBlog..what you typed there is so weird cause its exactly what i did and its exactly what my ex said to me but its only 4 months on after our nearly 5yr relationship..im finding it hard to move on but i have to do it for my own piece of mind..its very sad mate i know how your feeling..

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not good mate,it broke my heart and she has moved on so fast she was thinking about it 2 months before she broke up with me,we moved to the city and we got an apt together and she got a really well paid job,to be honest i think the city is after changing her she sees alot more and shes 23 and she feels like she missed out so she says,i tried everything begged pleaded and asked why is she doing this but she didnt care,i think she may have fancied someone else..its driving me mad everytime i think about it..i think i just cant let go thats my big problem

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Mine was 23 also, so am I. I feel for you mate. Although I didn't understand at first but now understand as time goes on that my ex just hadn't felt like she had experienced life! So I guess thats what she is setting out to do independently. To find herself.

 

The reason that pushed me to call her was that I heard she might be seeing someone. Ever since then it planted a seed in my mind, just had to find out. So I did, turned out she isn't seeing anyone, just went for a drink. But still it hurts that she is moving on but what can you do. You have to just accept that it is none of our business anymore.

 

She knows I still love her and now I have to let her go completely.

 

It is hard letting go though. Especially because there is such a lack of communication between us.

 

The city does change people. We moved to London, and it changed both of us.

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I also did the begging and all that stuff too at the beginning, but haven't said anything about how I feel until today for a really long time. I feel now that I have to leave it and not contact her again. I think once you spill your guts its time to leave it. Like i have. Do you have contact with her regularly?

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yeah mate i feel for you too,im not working at the moment and its hard as i have more thinking time,i might move back home if i do it will feel like im going backwards and ill be coming home without my girlfriend/ex ...i was her first love and i can understand how she feels like she has missed out but i do love her so much its hard to accept it..and she knows how i feel about her so i cant do anymore just have to let it go..

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1 very scary thing though,when she left the apt she never once contacted me or text me or emailed me..its like i was dead to her after 4 and half years..it just not seemed right,maybe she didnt want to give me false hope by contacting me...i did all the contacting 100%...not good

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It was hard for me also, we were each others first love. And we fell for each other in a big way. your right though thinking too much is a bad thing. I've been on my own all weekend, had too much time to think and not enough money to go out! I think thats why I cracked today.

 

They don't want to give you false hope thats the thing. But in not even showing any compassion just leads to resentment. Anyone who splits up with another person should at least offer some kind of cushion to the dumpee in the way of an apology or some kind of explanation!

 

I think that if they know how much you love them then that is enough. If you leave them to be from that point on you just have to leave it in the lap of the gods until they do or do not want to re-establish contact.

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True i was really annoyed with her she didnt say sorry that much either and she has totally changed now even her image..i am not going to contact her from now on that it for me...she has said to me she hopes she made the right choice and she said she doesnt deserve me and all that crap..i will never speak to her her again i say..its the way it was done gets to me..all her friends and parents knew she was losin feelings and i didnt have a clue..she is a bit immature i think...

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Don't be hard on yourself though, all these message boards all say strict no contact but how can there be this all powerful rule that governs people and emotions. If you go into no contact with unfinished feelings it only takes longer to heal and can cause a lot of resentment. You just have to do what you have to do!

 

Hang in there mate, it will be alright in the end.

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Well I think that if she didn't apologize to you and she her guilt doesn't catch up with her sooner or later then she was not worth the hassle. (I know to you at the moment she is worth it but in time that kind of thing will stick in your mind and help you realise that she wasn't).

 

Unfortunately my ex did nothing to make me hate her or anything I could use to hate her which seems to make it harder to let go.

 

If she is hiding any feelings deep down or suppressing them, they will come back and bite her eventually. But only once you have disappeared and left in an adult and civilized manner (on a good note, like no hard feelings).

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True mate im going to just leave her now and get on with my own life,if i did ever see her i dont know should i say hello or ignore her..cause i do come home at the weekends and i live in a small town and so does she so we will bump into each other eventually.

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You just need to be strong and polite. Don't ignore her, that just shows that you can't handle it, the chances are that she would rather not bump into you and you need to respect that. But if she ignores you, simply do the same and take that as a message on her character.

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