SapphireNoir10 Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 I am a wildly insecure person. For no good reason I guess. I know lifes too short to be worried etc about stuff thats out of my control but I cant help it. I dont really talk about my insecurities to my boyfriend I dont want to appear clingy or make him feel like hes the one making me insecure. It isnt his fault. We have had ups and downs but were on an up at the moment. He can be unreliable but generally speaking he cares a lot about what I do, where I am and shows it well. He is a good person and a good partner. Now. I just can't believe what he says. I dont believe im beautiful or that he could ever love me forever. I dont get how he can KNOW at 23 that I am the one, that he wont leave me that he wants to marry me someday. He says he just knows and when you find th eright person you know. I always say 'You dont know who'll you'll be in ten years time or who'll you'll meet' I guess I hate being in love because I expect it to end and to be left. No Idea how to get over it. at all. Link to comment
Perfect Dark Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 All I can say is just live for today. Worry when you have something to worry about. Link to comment
psychoanalytical Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 Sounds like u are your own worst enemy, because you mull over things and make them bigger obstacles than they appear. And life would have a funny way of fulfilling self-perpetuating prophacies - so you wouldn't really want to be going down this path. Sometimes situations can be tough though. Sounds like your insecurities are affecting your relationship at a fundamental level. Link to comment
DaisyDaisy Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 Being in love is a risk. But I think you moreover have a fear of the unknown, rather than have insecurities. At least youre constantly in the mode of reality check- whereas when i was in love, i was always certain it would be forever, and i never doubted things for a second could change. I guess youre just aware of the fact that things could change in the future, which is understable, but not worth worrying about. The only point of being in love is to let go and enjoy it for what it is and embrace it - life is way way way too short. You also need to trust your boyfriend more. Talk to him about your insecurities so that you can gain more trust and talk things through and feel comfortable being in your relationship. It might make you believe what he says more. This isssue cant be addressed if you keep things bottled up. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 29, 2009 Author Share Posted June 29, 2009 It's not that I dont trust him NOW. Its like...I dont know how people can promise forever when they dont know who they might be, what might happen...I guess thats the beauty of it but also the uncertainty of it. I guess. I was engaged. very young, very stupid, but in that relationship and this one I always thought of them as pretty much forever, and then all of a sudden it wasnt for forever, and that guy promised me the earth. Link to comment
Perfect Dark Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 It's not that I dont trust him NOW. Its like...I dont know how people can promise forever when they dont know who they might be, what might happen...I guess thats the beauty of it but also the uncertainty of it. I guess. I was engaged. very young, very stupid, but in that relationship and this one I always thought of them as pretty much forever, and then all of a sudden it wasnt for forever, and that guy promised me the earth. That's exactly what I think. But like I said enjoy what you have now. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 29, 2009 Author Share Posted June 29, 2009 Oh absoloutley your right. My point is I try so hard to realise Im blessed in life with good family, friends, nice boyfriend, my health. But the fears just gnaw at me and I feel like it ruins it and makes me resentful of hte nice stuff he says. Link to comment
Perfect Dark Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 Oh absoloutley your right. My point is I try so hard to realise Im blessed in life with good family, friends, nice boyfriend, my health. But the fears just gnaw at me and I feel like it ruins it and makes me resentful of hte nice stuff he says. Hmmm I can understand that; as I used to be same. You just have to take it as it is and believe he is being genuine. Do you do thinks to make you feel nice? Link to comment
atelis Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 There is always a good reason for being insecure, but you need to be honest with yourself and admit your fears and then start to work on them or at least be aware of them. Fear keeps us in self defeating patterns of behaviour and that usually means finding partners who are wrong for us or sabotaging relationships. Link to comment
Perfect Dark Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 There is always a good reason for being insecure, but you need to be honest with yourself and admit your fears and then start to work on the or at least be aware of them. Fear keeps us in self defeating patterns of behaviour and that means finding partners who are wrong for us. What do you mean? Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 29, 2009 Author Share Posted June 29, 2009 I agree on the sabotaging part, I guess. Although Im making a consieous effort to try and get over the issues and not let it affect the relationships. we are happy together, its just my mind when im with him going into mega overdrive about 'well how does he know?' Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 29, 2009 Author Share Posted June 29, 2009 Hmmm I can understand that; as I used to be same. You just have to take it as it is and believe he is being genuine. Do you do thinks to make you feel nice? I do try so hard. I guess I think 'yeah you believe it now but will you in five years when you wonder what you missed out on?' Which is silly. Yep I do I go out a lot, go shopping, but Im just sure im going to get left. Abandonment issues maybe. Link to comment
atelis Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 What do you mean? insecurity comes from fear. i was responding to the OP who said she thought she was insecure for no god reason. there is a reason for her insecurity.......people don't just become insecure because for no reason. if aperson is insecure, they should self analyse to see where that insecurity comes from and why Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 29, 2009 Author Share Posted June 29, 2009 Oh I know WHY Im insecure in general, but I know I dont have a REAL reason to be insecure with my bf. Link to comment
atelis Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 insecurity comes from not trusting yourself, so if you don't trust yourself, it will always be hard to trust others Link to comment
In the Dark Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 Your thoughts are exactly like someone I know. Has all these negatives on relationships gnawing at them to the point of pushing away and distancing due to previous experiences. I suppose this cn be categorized as having commitment issues in a way. I mean I see you are still there for your BF, but you have all these negatives against his sincerity. . . .But then again I bet your'e thinking "But what if it's not?" I understand what you are going through but I wouldn't have the slightest idea how you would be able to overcome these thoughts. Time maybe? Maybe just one day a light switch will go on in another room and you will leave the room you are in. Link to comment
mca1975 Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 BlueAfterGlow, I know how you feel. I am constantly surveying feelings, including my own, about my boyfriend and our relationship because I feel constantly worried about the unknown. I have been hurt before and something awful happened, my boyfriend died, so I know more than anyone that everything could change in a flash. I need to stop and just enjoy the lovely relationshp we have, but its hard to isnt it. I am such an idiot with it, if we have an argument, in my head I'm like "panic, he is not the right one for you!!!!", the next minute we are fine and all happy again. Do you get that? Link to comment
mca1975 Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 Maybe just one day a light switch will go on in another room and you will leave the room you are in. What a wonderful quote! Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 29, 2009 Author Share Posted June 29, 2009 MCA, It is the changing in the flash that worries me, the way my ex switched from wanting to marry me to hating me in a matter of months (not sure he ever cared that much) And of course with my new guy its different but I too am aware that things change so quickly. Obviously theres no way to stop things changing but I am a person that thinks a lot and possibly oto much about the world and how things happen. Im sorry about your boyfriend thats terrible. and thank you In The Dark, thats great advice. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 29, 2009 Author Share Posted June 29, 2009 insecurity comes from not trusting yourself, so if you don't trust yourself, it will always be hard to trust others to me insecurity comes from past hurts, I trust myself. Link to comment
atelis Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 to me insecurity comes from past hurts, I trust myself. when you trust yourself, you take the chance on love and being vulnerable. Not trusting others is a sign that you don't trust yourself IMO Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 30, 2009 Author Share Posted June 30, 2009 Well, I believe I am aware of whether I trust myself or not. Its a matter of trusting him not to act like every guy I've ever dated has. I've always been loving and faithful Link to comment
mca1975 Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 yes, me too, blueafterglow, I have always been faithful aswell. I feel that I am constantly sabotaging my relationship, I need to stop before I ruin it. I have made my boyf so insecure because of it and I have never meant to. He is so lovely. Do you find yourself sabotaging and creating arguments because of your insecurity? Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 30, 2009 Author Share Posted June 30, 2009 Yes I'll admit I do. Im so afraid that he'll leave me that I push him away so I can think 'Its my fault like always' I dont know its strange, I argue with him cos Im afraid to get to close or let my guard down. Link to comment
mca1975 Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 sounds a lot like me babe. It's almost as if he is my enemy sometimes, someone that WILL hurt me, so I give him such a hard time, always biting. He doesn't deserve it. I find it very very hard to live for the day. Do you ever question whether he is the right one for you then? Thing is even though I say the above, I am tortured by nightmares of him cheating on me and leaving me quite often. It's quite disturbing. Link to comment
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