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Well over the course of the last few topics I made, some developments and realisations have been made of the downfall of my relationship with my now ex. I just need help getting my head together and a way of getting over it. So I'm going to type it all out here and hope that it makes sense. I'll start with the beginning.

 

A while ago, after a few months of being single and breaking up with a girl that just wasn't right for me, I re-established my friendship with one of my oldest friends. After a few drinking sessions with her, I jokingly asked her to find me a girl. Anyway, she decided to take this seriously, and thought that her friend who she's known for about a year would be perfect for me. I went along with it and we all went out one night. It was great, and we really got along very well. She was very attractive and there was definitely chemistry between us.

 

Fast forward a few weeks and we were officially an item. Everything was going really well, I felt so comfortable with this girl. She started developing feelings for me, and I was the same with her. We were in love and already talking about a future together. We met families and I even met her son. Something that no guy she has ever dated since her breakup with the father 5 years ago has done. All our friends commented to us how perfect we seemed together and how they could tell by the way she looked at me that she was really happy.

 

Anyway, 2 weeks ago, things started to get a little messy and take a turn for the worse. She started to become self conscious about her appearance, something that she never even hinted at to me. Because of this, we started to have sex less often than we used to, and I thought it was a problem with me. She assured me it wasn't, but I knew there was something there. This created a bit of tension and uncertainty between us.

 

Fast forward to this past Tuesday. We went out with our friends and had some drinks, but we were both sober by the end of the night. We got back to our friend's and went to bed. She noticed I was a bit down, and I was because I was worried about how much she wanted to have all of our future together. When I was pouring my heart out to her, she fell asleep. I was angry so I got out of bed and proceeded to get dressed. She asked me what was up and I said in a stern voice "It's not working." I then immediately said I didn't mean that, but she started screaming at me to go away and marched downstairs crying. Our friend tried to calm her down and help fix it, but it was no use. She said she'd talk to me in the morning. I went back upstairs and tried to get some sleep. I went down the following morning but she didn't want to talk much. She said I broke her heart and she doesnt know if she can let me back in that much. I was dumbfounded. She left saying that she had to be somewhere, leaving me in tears not knowing what to do.

 

I tried to make it up to her by apologising and explaining why I got angry through a series of texts, that she didn't respond to. On Thursday she told me to meet her in town so we can talk in her car. I did, and she proceeded to break up with me, telling me that it wasn't what I said, it was the look I gave her that scared her. I assured her that I wouldn't do anything to harm her, but it was no use. She said she couldn't keep walking on egg shells. Nothing seemed to get through to her and then she said she had to go to work and it was over.

 

I was devastated but I decided to give her some time. I couldn't eat or sleep at all over the next few days. Yesterday she contacted me, saying that she will always love me, but needs time to get her trust back and wants to know if we can be friends. I said I wasn't sure if I could be just friends, because it's hard to hide our feelings for each other, and asked her to think about it some more and see if we can start again. This was some back and forth messages but she ceased to reply eventually.

 

I really started to miss her terribly at this point. I honestly thought she was the one and my soul mate, but she ripped my heart out. I knew I'd take her back though. Anyway, I was checking my facebook and noticed she came online. I didn't talk to her, but noticed she went offline pretty quick. I then saw she took the "In relationship with..." thing away. I lost it at this point, as I knew it was definitely over and she wasn't thinking about giving it a shot at all. I texted her asking if we could talk, and she replied with "not at the moment". It felt so cold.

 

I just don't get why she had to break up with me because of the reasons she gave, especially when she so obviously loved me and it was going somewhere. She introduced me to her son, which she has never done. So how could she throw it all away so easily? I'm really confused and hitting rock bottom. I know I have to see her again because we're in the same friendship group, but if I see her flirt with someone when we're all out, it'll hurt so badly. I miss her incredibly, and would do anything to get back what we lost. But she just doesn't seem interested at all anymore. I'm a mess.

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Did you really fall in love in a few weeks? I think you both need to ask yourselves that question first. I think people need to start questioning their emotions a lot more, because i just don't think it's possible to fall in love in a few weeks.

 

From what i read, both of you have a lot of insecurities that you need to work on and it sounds like the chemistry and intense feelings came from somewhere other than love.......more like dependance and need

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I appreciate what you're trying to say, but I don't think that's the issue here.

 

Maybe you're right about the dependance and need from her part. She seemed like she tried really hard to make it a proper relationship. Introducing me to her family and her son, they're big steps that she has never taken before. But at the first sign of trouble she bolted. So far she hasn't even spoken to our mutual friends about it at all. I think she knows what they'll say but she's being stubborn.

 

There's no getting through to some people. I don't doubt her love for me whatsoever, it's the fact that she doubts me that really hurts.

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i don't know, it sounds like you both acted immaturely from what you wrote and that you both seek attention from each other and perhaps create drama as a way of getting it? Meeting with parents in a few weeks and meeting kids in a few weeks is too soon IMO, places un-necessary pressure on a relationship. I have an issue with women who want to introduce men to their kids so soon after meeting. And as a man, you should be more responsible than to agree to that IMO.

 

Just my thoughts from what ive read.

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Yeah maybe it was too soon to do all that, but at the time it felt right and didn't place much pressure on the relationship at all. That's the weird thing, we never seemed to play games with each other and I'll agree that I acted immaturely right at the end, but I hate the drama and never want to create it for attention.

 

Maybe with her it was different. Like she realised she wasn't in control when I got mad at her for the first time and broke up with me to get that power back and become strong again.

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Okay, today is an awful day for me. We were supposed to be going out tonight with all our friends, and I know I can't go and face her. I'm trying to give her space, and if I see her I'll break down or she'll think I'm trying to pressure her.

 

Argh, we need to talk about things, but I don't want to rush her.

 

Miss her so much today, it hurts that she isn't mine anymore.

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She spoke with me, I'm guessing after she spoke to one of our friends. She seemed a little more open and a little more herself. She told me she really doesn't want to lose me from her life, it's just that she's only comfortable staying as friends for now. She wants to try and gain her trust back and see where it goes.

 

Now, she told me once that whatever doubts she had were gone when she spent time with me, so it could work out like that. But I really don't think it will. I can tell she still has feelings for me, but she said she can't promise anything.

 

I'm being led on, I know. And I know it's only a matter of time until she finds someone else. Though, I'd kick myself if she is literally going through hell with everything and just needs to take a step back and I wasted my opportunity. But, I'm guessing that never really happens.

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It sounds like the relationship went really fast and crashed and burned. And as atelis said, it sounds like unhealthy drama from both of you. It sounds like you may not actually be a good couple, even though there was chemistry. Trouble that big that soon is not a good sign.

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