Jump to content

What would you do?


All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

Recommended Posts

I'm sure this is a common thing as we all go through stages. But has anyone here ever had the realization, once some of the pain subsides, that the demise of the relationship was more your own fault than you first thought?

 

If so, do you ever feel like apologizing to your ex, or let her know?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, sometimes years after the event. I once said to my ex-husband that a lot of the things that I used to get really upset about were actually nothing to do with him. To my surprise, he said 'Likewise!'

 

There was no going back, but it felt enormously healing to put this behind us.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

yeah, sure did..natural to have 'if only..' regrets...i even sent a slew of 'what i would have done differently..' emails to my ex and she finally said to let go as nothing I would have done differently would have made in the end any difference as per her feelings about us.

 

felt good to get it off anyway instead of just firing salvos at her (which i also did a few times, too in the beginning)....

 

learn from it as per a way to improve the next time round....all relationships, whether they last or not, are in the end

when it's all said and done ultimately about becoming a better you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Its only been 5 1/2 months since my split and i'm starting to realize in a big way that I detached myself from the relationship long before she called it quits. Just had my head in the sand and now realize it was because I was not happy, but it wasn't that I was not happy with her.

 

This comes down to a reason that is my own fault and perhaps a male issue. Why don't I understand my own emotions and what's making me feel a certain way until i'm forced to look at myself like I am now!! it bugs me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've heard it said before that the easiest way to move on after something has gone wrong is to take responsibility for your part in things... A lot of people will vigorously deny this at the early stages of a break up by declaring innocence in the demise but if we dig deep enough we find things that we were responsible for... once we know what these things are, we can change those aspects for the future

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thats true, People always say you will learn from it and take what you have learnt to the next relationship. At first I thought I had done nothing wrong, partly because my Ex put the relationship break-down to a simple "we just don't work". But I guess it was up to me to realize what went wrong and perhaps at the time she wasn't clear why either.

 

Getting perspective really comes to light after months of soul searching and letting go a bit!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

it's good that you have the maturity to understand this, instead of putting it down to 'things happen for a reason' or 'it just didn't work'.

 

Learning from relationships is one thing, but i think we need to learn more about ourselves........we need to be better connected to our emotions, thoughts and fears so that we can make better choices before and during relationships

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The only problem now is that i'm feeling guilty for saying things to her when we split and putting reasons on her which I now see was not fair and also completely not true, but she took it and never said a word. I really need to tell her I was wrong because i feel it bearing down on my conscience.

 

She will talk to me whenever I want but i'm not sure if its the right thing to do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm thinking of sending this to her work e-mail, what do you guys think, good or bad idea?

 

Good Morning,

 

(Ex), I would really like to meet up so I can tell you somethings that I have thought about us that has been on my mind recently. I don't want to assume that you want to hear it so if you don't want to I don't mind.

 

JohnnyB.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think I could but I think she doesn't want an apology from me, to her I think she would see it as an attempt to get her back. Which this really isn't.

 

You are probably right though, instantly this has become some kind of tactical game. Direct = honesty and I suppose honesty is the best policy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...