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Hey everyone,

 

I haven't posted in a while as I had accepted my situation and went NC with my ex about 4 months ago. Background can be found here...

 

 

Anyway, I never thought I'd hear from her again. And of course when I least expect it, she gets in touch via text.

 

The only problem with this is, that I did what I had to do to get over her...blocked her on AIM and removed from social networking sites so that I wouldnt be forced to see what she is up to and whats happening in her life - but also to keep her from seeing whats going on in MY life as well.

 

So she breaks the NC and is acting like the poor mistreated victim... After she dumped ME and I havent heard anything in 4 months, she is angry at ME for blocking and removing her. I sit here now laughing at the utter ridiculousness of this situation haha.

 

She wanted to get away from me, and i obliged. This is the thanks I get.

 

- Anyway, my question is how to proceed from here?

- Would I be open to reconciliation? yes but not if she continues in this manner.

- I'd like to handle this in a way that shows I am the bigger person, not resorting to childish behavior as she is.

- I'm stumped really in terms of what to say to diffuse the situation and get the point accross that I'm not to be disrespected and that her behavior is unwarranted and ridiculous.

 

I'm okay now with not being with her, I just cant understand how her ditching me months ago and me doing what is necessary to move on can be translated into her thinking she is the victim haha.

 

Any ideas are appreciated....

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There's probably a couple of ways to approach this. You could simply ignore her and see what happens - silence would be an effective way to say you won't tolerate this attitude. You could also respond, but light and happy - like she was an old acquaintance - and mention nothing related to what she's complaining about. Anything else, and you'll just find yourself sucked into an unproductive game.

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There's probably a couple of ways to approach this. You could simply ignore her and see what happens - silence would be an effective way to say you won't tolerate this attitude. You could also respond, but light and happy - like she was an old acquaintance - and mention nothing related to what she's complaining about. Anything else, and you'll just find yourself sucked into an unproductive game.

 

I can hear what youre saying Tiger... part of me just wants to say screw it and say nothing, another part wants to tell her to stop being so childish, and yet another part wants to say, you ditched me, havent spoke to me in four months and YOU'RE mad ?? haha

 

Of course I wont say those things... Ill just play it cool and see what happens. However, I cant decide if replying is something I want to do at this point

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Hi,

 

Well done on your healing and getting to the point where they come back. That is sweet! I bet it happened near enough on the day you wasnt thinking of her and feeling pretty good in yourself?

 

Anyway, to be the bigger person and help her learn about possibly working on future relationships, instead of selfishly turning away, i would recommend saying the following...

 

"You know what you have, but not what you get."

 

That's all you have to say.

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Hi !! Glad to hear you are doing well. I think if you may want to get back with her, I would respond. I would word it very well. In a very mature manner, I would put her in her place. I believe you can do that without sounding like you are entering in an argument. The point you want to make is you needed to do what was best for YOU to get past her leaving you.

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Hey, update... This is going to sound like a vent/rant hehe...

 

Thanks for all your support and advice guys and gals. I'm actually glad to say I did what you described Becca. I never thought I'd be at this point where I could calmly and cooly say to her the things I said and put her in her place without getting overly emotional, as well as hear her out.

 

And you know what, I feel better about the whole situation. Do I really care if we get back at this point? ehh, to an extent but its not my driving force anymore. I'm swept up in fixing myself and the results are very apparent, to myself, to others, and to my ex.

 

And she was grateful that I put her in her place, but also that I was cool enough to realize that although I was bitter at first, that the breakup was the fault of both parties, not just myself or my ex and that I "manned up" for my mistakes, as she did hers.

 

NC has helped me come a looonng way in only 4 months, and I think still even more time is needed. I can even see that it has helped her as well. I feel good though that we are on good terms. I was the old cool, confident "ballsy" guy that she first loved, and I could tell in her voice/face she was happy even though we are ostensibly still in a relationship limbo.

 

I told her that I think more time is needed, and she agreed. I got rid of her anger towards me with my good old charm and with how I've grown in the time apart. She even told me that she couldn't stay mad at me haha. We're both changing and we both know it. All I can do now is handle myself, and she must handle her own "demons" if you will. So although we've spoken and are on good terms, I think of this not as an excuse to begin regular contact again, but as a pivotal point in our relationship.

 

I made my move with dealing with the situation at hand and not ignoring it. The next move, I leave to her because I KNOW what I want (which is ALL I can know for now), and letting her make the next move will tell me what SHE wants....

 

blah blah blah I'm ranting haha.... Long story short, NC does wonders and dont think for a second that you can't benefit from it.

 

Props to Brownstone332, becca, and all others who have helped me, and I hope I can return the favor.

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Congrats, Cnstnt Evolutn - sounds like you really have come a long way over the last few months. Did you meet up and have this conversation in person? It seems like one of the many benefits of a period of NC is that it allows you to actually have an after the fact, rational conversation without the emotions present when the break-up is fresh about what actually happened.

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Great !! I am glad for you that you guys were able to have what sounds like a healthy conversation. You sound like you are in a really good place with you !! That of course, is a place we all need to be. It takes work and you did exactly that. Keep us up to date.

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