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Thoughts versus Emotions


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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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Logically speaking, I am perfectly fine. Emotionally I am FUBARed.

 

I honestly don't get it. Why do I feel things so much more intensely than other people. Apparently it's one of my greatest strengths and weakness. I don't know how to overcome my existential depression.

 

I don't feel right at all. I am okay, but because I don't feel right, my mind searches for what's wrong to try and synthesize an answer.

 

It hurts and continues to hurt, I cried 3 times today. It almost feels like I got dumped all over again. I hate feeling this way and love/hate everything so passionately. I need more self control.

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just keep your head straight i too was in your position still am ...

I really started to suffer badly after 2 months after break up i am now at 4 months and it is getting better. Over analyzating is a good thing at least you know you looked for all the answers all the solutions and in the end you will realize that its not your choise find someone to talk to hear a different opinion it will help. Get things of your mind look what i did and i am at the same point broke up

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From what i gather, thoughts lead to emotions, not the other way round. So if you are having negative emotions, then on some level you are thinking negative thoughts. That could be subconsciously i guess, like the negative 'chatter' that goes on sometimes without even being aware of it.

 

I was the same, and the only thing that helped me was to consciously and deliberately change what i was thinking. I refuse to ruminate, or dwell anymore. When i do it, i consciously change my thoughts. Over time, my feelings shifted.

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i too suffer from this but maybe not as severe. i think it's a good sign you're recognizing your problem. it takes practice i guess.

 

I don't think severity is the problem, it's the intensity that hurts me. It isn't a problem unless I'm hurting and things tend to spiral out of control. I'm working through it and wish and believe in nothing but the best for me, however I have my low moments where my conscious can't take the emotions.

 

just keep your head straight i too was in your position still am ...

I really started to suffer badly after 2 months after break up i am now at 4 months and it is getting better. Over analyzating is a good thing at least you know you looked for all the answers all the solutions and in the end you will realize that its not your choise find someone to talk to hear a different opinion it will help. Get things of your mind look what i did and i am at the same point broke up ]

 

I'm sorry for your loss and pain, I've been broken up 10 months and NC for 7 months now. I don't like the residual pain, feelings of loneliness and abandonment, not from my breakup, but my past as well. I'm pretty much a abandonment survivor. Dad murdered, mom abandoned me, family wasn't there to support me and give me love.

 

This girl comes along and gives me what I needed and wanted most in life. Right now, I'm running on self love and sometimes it's not enough for me to get myself through the day.

 

From what i gather, thoughts lead to emotions, not the other way round. So if you are having negative emotions, then on some level you are thinking negative thoughts. That could be subconsciously i guess, like the negative 'chatter' that goes on sometimes without even being aware of it.

 

I was the same, and the only thing that helped me was to consciously and deliberately change what i was thinking. I refuse to ruminate, or dwell anymore. When i do it, i consciously change my thoughts. Over time, my feelings shifted.

 

I am a extremely bright and positive individual, but emotions do not follow logic. I can dissect my thoughts and analyze my given situation, figure out why I feel the way I do or the reason, change my behavior and actions to seek the emotion I want. It helps to a certain extent, but you see, your emotional memory is developed before your actual memory, we as humans have so much research and aids in physical pain, but emotional pain isn't something we have a general application to remedy it. It's different for everyone, I'm not trying to be a "Debbie Downer", but I do the best with what I can and try to focus on my own healing and self betterment.

 

However, it doesn't feel that deep void I feel. I guess this experience will either make me or break me. I know I will make it, but I'm also scared about what if I don't, which is where my existential depression plays a role in. I'm not being logical at all right now, I just feel lost and my world is in shambles.

 

I apologize to everybody here for my weak moments and the urgency I portray, but I do need the support to get me through this black area of my life. I really do appreciate all the words and time you've put into replying.

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but you see, your emotional memory is developed before your actual memoy.........

 

......... it doesn't feel that deep void I feel. ...... I just feel lost and my world is in shambles.

 

 

This is the core of my issues. I was adopted at 7 months and have had a lifetime of not belonging, a big 'void', generalised anxiety, and a need to 'predict' the future. It has cost me several relationships, and i didn't do so well on my own.

 

Getting to the bottom of that has really helped me. understanding intellectually where it comes from is great, but i still felt the same. It has really taken many months of reading / shrinks etc to fully understand my 'issues'. And giving myself permission to grieve a loss that i had no conscious memory of.

 

But now i can see that i have been dealing with life as a the abandoned child. And it hasn't served me well. So now the grieving is done (nearly!), I can choose to think and do different. I am starting to belong again. The self confidence is filling the 'void'. I am reacting to the event, not the emotion that the event conjures up. And i am beginning to really trust myself. Not just intellectually, but emotionally. I feel like i'm going to be okay. For the first time really.

 

Anyway. Enough about me!! I'm sure you have looked into your past a lot. I did too. But it took one book for it all to click into place. All I can say is i understand (i think) what you are saying, and it's no fun. It can change though, so don't give up. Good luck mate

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I know how you feel. Its been 9 months since the break up and today things just seemed really bad. It felt like the day we just broke up and i just cried and cried. I cant understand how he moved on so quickly and im left here still hurting like hell. Life isnt fair. I just hope one day soon you and I will finally heal once and for all and never look back again.

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I'm curious as to what book you read. Care to share?

 

I don't think my condition cost me my relationship, there are things I wish to improve in my life, however when it came to the relationship, that was one of my main priority. I don't think I ever took her for granted and I showed my affection. One of my sticking points was communication, that if we ever had anything to say, we should say it. I honestly don't know where I went wrong in the relationship. Although, I don't think I did anything drastic, I can't help but to feel that there is something is wrong with me and that for my next relationship, I must figure it out and work on it.

 

I want to have a successful relationship, better than my previous. Sad, but I think I have to work through this on my own and not rely on anybody to support me, that's how I've always dealt with my feelings. With my ex, I took a chance and shared myself, I don't think I ever want to be that vulnerable.

 

After years of conditioning myself to believe I am worthless, it's finally taking it's toll on me and I'm changing my brain programming, it sucks a lot. I've been through a lot and just when my life settles down a bit, it goes back to the same emotional roller coaster.

 

I wonder if this is how I'm supposed to live and do with what I can. I hate having this inner turmoil when life keeps throwing things my way. Nothing was ever solid in my life, including my mentality. Even to this second, I still question my own sanity and strength. I guess this is a part of the path that was laid out for me and I have to live life to the best of my ability.

 

I have to figure out how to lower my intensity and how I feel things out. I can't do this black and white period(more black than white so far).

 

Blah, the complexity of life and struggling with my own thoughts.

 

 

 

Me too, I hope and strive for better days. I wonder if I'll ever feel that inner tranquility again. The pain lessens each day, but part of me can't let go. It's a part of my personality now, since childhood, I couldn't let go of past and my circumstances that led me to who I am today. It adds to my individuality, but I feel like I can't connect to anybody.

 

All I ever longed for was somebody to love me. As soon as I received this gift, it left me. I have a problem with abandonment as I keep losing the ones I love in my life. This includes myself, meaning I don't love myself sometimes and it's a frightening thought that I can actually feel this resentment towards myself when I am not to blame.

 

I have to stop using my past as an excuse to feel this low. I am no longer a kid that doesn't have control over his life and can't comprehend his own emotions or fulfill his own needs.

 

I fully believe that I will transcend all this pain and grow as a person. I've disintegrated from society to develop myself, I hope the reintegration is a more pleasant process.

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From what i gather, thoughts lead to emotions, not the other way round. So if you are having negative emotions, then on some level you are thinking negative thoughts. That could be subconsciously i guess, like the negative 'chatter' that goes on sometimes without even being aware of it.

 

I was the same, and the only thing that helped me was to consciously and deliberately change what i was thinking. I refuse to ruminate, or dwell anymore. When i do it, i consciously change my thoughts. Over time, my feelings shifted.

 

Actually in the cognitive theory of emotions, thought does cause emotions, which is a physical response, in reaction to those thoughts. But the mind also interprets this emotional response (which is the mind's role) we are expereincing and creates thoughts concerning what it senses. This thought to emotion to thought cycle is called feedback. It can continue indefinately and we can get caught in a loop or cycle.

 

We condition ourselves, through repetition, to think and react in patterns. Breaking the cycle takes awareness that this process is going on. When we realize that thoughts and emotions are fleeting and dissipate almost as soon as we experience them, we can stop identifying them as part of who we are. We can stop making them a part of our persona and see them as just fleeting thoughts and emotions. Their effect upon us seems to diminish.

 

Just a side note that the psychological community does see where emotions can come of their own and cause thought. Again it is along the lines of how we have patterned our way of reacting.

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I agree with John. It is a hard habit to break, this jumping on the feedback loop and seeing it as reality.

 

I am reading My Stroke of Insight by Jill Bolte Taylor, a brain scientist who had a stroke and temporarily lost the use of her left brain (rational, judging, linear thinking, responsible for the story telling and thought looping). I recommend this book for a perspective on how our thoughts create the experience of our reality. The thought-emotion-physiological response takes 90 seconds to run it's course. If we are aware of it happening, but do not hang onto it and start the looping cycle we can let go of much of our pain. Our right brains are wired for joy and inner peace, for seeing the bigger picture, for experiencing a connection to all that is. We tend to let our left brain with it's tendency to judge good and bad, rule the show. The challenge is to balance the two, which takes being aware of and careful with our thoughts.

 

Just a thought, ;-)

 

I am experimenting with thought swapping. I am more aware of the negative emotion rather than the thought that led to it. The emotion catches my attention that I am starting on a path I may or may not want to follow. So I take a breath, let it run it's course, then pick a thought that leads me toward a future I'd rather be in, such as "I am OK" or "I have the capacity to love". And/or do something mindful (tuning into the sounds around me, isolating each one, breathing deeply) or something physical (stretch, walk, talk to a friend....)

 

...This thought to emotion to thought cycle is called feedback. It can continue indefinately and we can get caught in a loop or cycle.

 

We condition ourselves, through repetition, to think and react in patterns. Breaking the cycle takes awareness that this process is going on. When we realize that thoughts and emotions are fleeting and dissipate almost as soon as we experience them, we can stop identifying them as part of who we are. we can stop making them a part of pur persona and see them as just fleeting thoughts and emotions. ...

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