Jump to content

Self Esteem in certain situations.....


Vanishing Girl

Recommended Posts

Hello

 

So, I've always had self esteem isssues and it used to be so bad that I couldn't enjoy anything....any day of the week. No matter where I would go or what I would be doing I'd be comparing my body to others or comparing what I had to what they had (features wise) and I would be so depressed about it I would just feel awful. I was tormented and doing it to myself.

 

I have come a long way since then and thought most of those issues were gone. I guess its partly because I'm not used to being around many new people. If I go out, but don't interact too much I am fine...if I am with family I am fine, but say (and this is a real life example) I am with family, and my brother in law starts daing someone new and she's attractive....all my self esteem issues come right back. I feel ugly and fat and even "left out" even though no one is leaving me out...I am doing it to myself. If she were unattractive I'd be ok with it.

 

I hate this! I want to feel good about myself no matter who I am around. I want to have fun with new people. I want to meet new people and let them know the fun side of me....if I have one that is. I met my brother in law's new girl tonight and she seems really nice. I'd love for the 4 (me, hubby, and them) of us to go out and do things together. She is sure of herself and immediately fit right in with our families and by the end of the night her and my hubby were goofing around like they'd known eachother forever. I got jealous....i don't want to be jealous and there is no reason to be. I know this, but my head won't let me move past it, and I know I did not act like myself. As a matter of fact after tonight I am not sure who "myself" is. I just know that she was not as impressed by me as I was with her, and I know its because I started overthinking things and going down this crappy path.

 

I have also found lately I don't talk about my interests or opinions for fear of sounding stupid. I remember being told by my older brother as a kid (he was 10 years older and filled in for my father when my father was not around or too mentally unstable to be there) how stupid I was whenever I said most things, so I think now I keep quiet to avoid sounding like an idiot. I admit I don't think I am smart because with that kind of cycle I more or less just believed it and gave in and felt like "what's the point, why bother learning about things when nothing I do or say is right anyway. I know I have a choice about what I learn about now or do with that cycle, but I feel like its really hard to do at age 30 when for my whole life up to this point that is how I lived my life. So basically I went to college...got a 4 year degree...achieved a 4.0, but I am dumb and don't know where to begin to educate myself on basic points of interest that come up in social situations. It feels overwhelming to me with all the other things I am trying to work on with myself right now.

 

I guess this was more of a rant and I needed to get it all out more than anything. I had a good cry and felt pathetic, sad, and disgusted all while writing this post. I'm not sure anyone can advise me of anything, but if you can feel free.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Find something you love to do and excel at it. Develop confidence by getting to know yourself and put yourself first. Who cares what other people think? You are awesome and have great qualities and you would be awesome no matter if someone says your the greatest or the worst. If someone doesn't like you, then tough - they are not someone you want to associate with b/c they are negative to you! Always put yourself first!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I understand how you feel. You have described me almost to a T. I don't come on here so much and I can't believe your post was the first I read tonight. Our experiences are not model match, yet the feelings at this point in experience, appear to be quite similar. You seem to perceive yourself much like I do of myself.

 

With time and effort, it becomes automatic to be judgmental of yourself based on perception of others and their perceived experiences. You know you are not particularly jealous of the fact that your sister is in a relationship, yet the jealousy is there. I guarantee the jealousy serves as an outlet of your continuous deep rooted feelings of inadequacy. I have been there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sometimes a good "pick me up" for low self esteem is to go out and have a haircut and a new hair style. Buy some nice new clothes. Try new make-up. If you feel "fat", then do something about it. Join a gym, go jogging, excercise etc etc. Also, don't forget to SMILE a lot more. ALL these things really DO boost your confidence.

 

Give it a try.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

To respond to what some of you have suggested:

 

I do take really good care of myself. I work out regularly, I eat right, I take time for me, and try to take classes or workshops to pursue my own interests. On Saturday as all these thoughts were going through my head I smiled my a** off, lol

 

I know these issues definitely have to do with deep routed feelings of inadequacy and I rationally know that if people don't like me its their loss, yada yada! BUT I guess I am having a hard time with what to do specifically when I do all those things to help myself and still feel like this? Will it just get easier with practice?

 

I am now realizing that there are many situations in my recent past that are similar to this one that I just never noticed. Partly because in the last month, or a little over, have stopped using food, smoking pot, shopping, or using whatever other outside vice to ignore my feelings or "make me happy". I have stripped all those things away in hopes to see things as they really are. So, I guess it's working, lol Now it's just a matter of what do to with it........

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Self-love quotes for women!
Self-love quotes for women!

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...