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Strip Club: How Far is Too Far?


FireInHeaven

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^That's supposed to say STRIP club. I guess it's too early to type propperly, lol.

 

I was in an interesting debate with a group of friends about this a few nights ago.

 

One of my friends, let's just call her H, is upset with her boyfriend right now because of something that happened in a strip club last weekend. She has never had a problem with him going to strip clubs until now. In fact she even likes going to them herself. But now she's questioning what's been going on whenever he goes with the guys.

 

Basically he got a private lap dance, in other words he was alone in a VIP room with a completely nude stripper. And she put her head in between his legs and licked his crothed over top of his jeans and then bit ( playful biting, not biting to cause pain) on his goods. And then she stood up and put his head between her legs and rubbed her crotch all over his face!

 

And just a note... if my description is too graphic I'm sorry, but this is what happened.

 

He came home and drunkenly told her about it. He laughed it off like it was a big joke, but she was really pissed off.

 

I've been to plenty of strip clubs... And I also have plenty of guy friends who aren't shy about telling me what goes on during a lap dance. And, I also have known a few strippers. I've never heard of anyone doing that during a lap dance.

 

My friend feels like she's been cheated on. And she feels like a real fool for letting go to strip clubs all this time and never getting upset about it. Because now she's wondering if that kind of things has been happening this whole time.

 

A group of friends and I were talking about this (her included.) And it got a little heated. Some of us think if he was single and that happened, no big deal, some of us think there should be a certain cut off point when you're with someone, strip club or not. And then the debate also went in the direction of weather or not he cheated.

 

I'm just curious what a group of unbiased people think. Because now H is confused and she doesn't even know if she wants to stay with him. Do you guys think he cheated? To the guys who've had lap dances, is that kind of thing a "standard procedure?"

 

H is dropping by later. I know she'll want to talk about this with me. Any good advice from you guys will help me comfort her. Thanks in advance.

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To me, it's a matter of respect--not only for your partner, but for yourself.

 

My question is: would your friend (H) consider what her boyfriend did cheating if the same thing were done by a regular (non-stripper) girl? If so, then he cheated. The fact that he paid her to do it changes nothing (if anything, that makes it worse, imo).

 

While I don't agree with strip clubs in general, I really don't agree with situations where there is touching involved. It's half a step away from prostitution, IMO. Why does he need to have some other woman rub her junk in his face?

 

She has every right to be mad and question her bf's level of respect and commitment to her.

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I guess his excuse to her was "Well I didn't know she was gonna do that."

 

So? Like he couldn't have said "Hey, don't do that."

 

They've been together 2.5 years, and they live together. I wonder if he was seeing how far he could push it with her before she got upset.

 

And this only cost him $10. What kind of skanky strip club was this? Lol... I've never been to a club that charged less then $25 for a private lap dance.

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Did she communicate with him before hand where she drew the line with clubs? I think that if your SO is going, it's a must. Some girls are okay with this kind of thing. If it wasn't clear to him, he might of just gotten a little too comfortable and let down his guard. I personaly think it's coomon sense to not do that kind of thing, but some people don't have common sense and need to be told. Im curious tom know how he reacted the next day, sober, knowing she was upset by it.

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Even if I was single, I can't see how some strange womn rubbing her stuff on my face would ever be a turn on. It just seems gross... I would be worried about catching something.

 

I think he cheated. Weather he paid for it or not, there are just some things you don't do when you're in a relationship.

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Yikes. I don't object to strip clubs, because as far as I was aware most of them have no-touching policies, and if a guy wants to pay to see a girl dance around naked when he could visit redtube for free at home then that's his problem.

 

But if I thought my boyfriend or husband was going to be actually touching these girls, that'd be a massive no. That's just not okay.

 

With your friend, he obviously doesn't think it was cheating but his girlfriend isn't all right with it, so that should be his marker for what's okay. I have girlfriends who don't like strip clubs at all and I figure thats up to them - if a guy knows how his woman feels about that kind of thing then he can either stay with her and live with it, or leave her and do what he wants. I know a guy who married a woman who hates all kinds of pornography. You could say she's close-minded depending on how you feel, but he knew what she was like before he married her. Your friend should sit down with her boyfriend and tell him exactly what bothers her and how far she feels it's acceptable to go in a strip club. Then he can decide how he feels about it.

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^ Not like I am any big authority on the subject, but that no touching rule only applies to the customers. The girls can touch you any way they want. I never got a private lap dance, but from what I've heard that rule goes out the window anyway when behind closed doors.

 

If she was willing to do all that for $10, I wonder what she would have done for $100.

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I guess his excuse to her was "Well I didn't know she was gonna do that."

 

So? Like he couldn't have said "Hey, don't do that."

 

They've been together 2.5 years, and they live together. I wonder if he was seeing how far he could push it with her before she got upset.

 

And this only cost him $10. What kind of skanky strip club was this? Lol... I've never been to a club that charged less then $25 for a private lap dance.

 

His excuse is kind of like saying "I was only lighting the trash can on fire, I had NO IDEA the whole house would burn down!!!!!!!!!!"

 

You get a private dance, you are having intimate, one on one time with a woman who uses sex/sexuality to make money. It's not like she was going to whip out Monopoly for a nice fun wholesome time. He's so full of it!!!!!

I understand why he didn't stop her and say "WHOA!" but he should never have gotten the lap dance as a man in a relationship.

 

It's just crossing too many lines. I feel for her, I think this is unacceptable.

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^ My roomate used to date a stripper. One night she was telling us it's shocking how many guys pay for a private dance and then when they get in the room they just want to sit and talk.

 

Not that I don't agree with what you're saying Iphi. I just thought everyone might find that interesting.

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^ My roomate used to date a stripper. One night she was telling us it's shocking how many guys pay for a private dance and then when they get in the room they just want to sit and talk.

 

You hear that kind of thing about prostitutes as well who go to meet a guy and it turns out really he just wants someone to talk to.

 

I don't think I'd ever believe a man who tried to use that as an excuse though! 'Honestly darling, we were just talking...'

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^ My roomate used to date a stripper. One night she was telling us it's shocking how many guys pay for a private dance and then when they get in the room they just want to sit and talk.

 

Not that I don't agree with what you're saying Iphi. I just thought everyone might find that interesting.

 

Ya some people have some interesting turn ons. Or they are just really lonely and see the strippers as friends or SOs. I think that happen sometimes.

Sad, really.

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And this only cost him $10. What kind of skanky strip club was this? Lol... I've never been to a club that charged less then $25 for a private lap dance.

 

He's obviously lying. He probably paid her $100, but wasn't about to tell that to his gf. If he wants her to believe the lap dance was innocent fun, $10 sounds a lot more benign than $100.

 

Also, she took him to the VIP room- what did he think was going to happen? He's obviously not a strip club newbie, so him feigning ignorance on what she was going to do is total BS. lol. And who knows if he's even telling the whole truth about what went on inside.

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He's obviously lying. He probably paid her $100, but wasn't about to tell that to his gf. If he wants her to believe the lap dance was innocent fun, $10 sounds a lot more benign than $100.

 

Also, she took him to the VIP room- what did he think was going to happen? He's obviously not a strip club newbie, so him feigning ignorance on what she was going to do is total BS. lol. And who knows if he's even telling the whole truth about what went on inside.

 

Now that I re-read it....you can't get into most VIP rooms for $10. The drinks alone cost $5-$6....or so I'm told....

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I asked my fiancee his opinion of this post. He said that he has never had a private dance like that and that the dude should have known it was excessive and wrong. He also said that the rule of no touching only applies to the customer and not the dancer. He never says something just because I want to hear it either- he tells me how it is whether I like it or not and he said that having a strippers junk in his face would be a complete turn off. Even if she just licked his zipper or whatever, it would be wrong.

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I think this is a classic case of not understanding/knowing boundaries. I don't think he cheated, because you have to HAVE boundaries in order to cross them knowingly. I'd get over it (hard, i know) and then clearly outline what she is okay with and what she isn't. IMO, he did not cheat.

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IF what he said is true then it was most definitely cheating. However, if some people are arguing that something like that would cost a lot more than $10.00 and therefore he is lying about how much money he actually spent on this, it is equally likely that he is lying about havingt he private lap dance or embellishing what exactly took place. I have to ask how their relationship is. Does this guy have a history of lying and embellishment of the facts in other things? How does he treat your friend in general. Does he often say things to hurt her and get a rise out of her? What is his general personality and how is the dynamic between the two of them?

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IF what he said is true then it was most definitely cheating. However, if some people are arguing that something like that would cost a lot more than $10.00 and therefore he is lying about how much money he actually spent on this, it is equally likely that he is lying about havingt he private lap dance or embellishing what exactly took place. I have to ask how their relationship is. Does this guy have a history of lying and embellishment of the facts in other things? How does he treat your friend in general. Does he often say things to hurt her and get a rise out of her? What is his general personality and how is the dynamic between the two of them?

 

From what I've seen they have a pretty healthy relationship. That's just from an outsiders view. Also I know my friend and she's the type to not take any crap from anyone, so if he was a regular liar and all that she wouldn't have stayed with him so long.

 

She was just here at my house. She said she's still pissed, but now he knows not to do that again.

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I feel that cheating is determined by the intent. If he went into the VIP room with the intent to be able to see and touch another girl behind closed doors and behind his girlfriends back then it is most definitely cheating. The fact that he came back, told his gf about what happened with even a humorous mindset about it because it clearly was a ridiculous desperate move by the dancer to make money, then no it is not cheating. If the gf doesnt like it, which i dont blame her at all, then she needs to voice her opinion about it and let him know that she does not accept that sort of behavior at all and not to do it again. It seems as though she has already done this, so its just up to the guy to keep to his word and keep his gf's trust

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