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I don't know what I'm doing with the whole "dating" thing...


shyguy83
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but I am pretty sure I suck at "the game" of dating. The only way I've found so far to even communicate with someone of the opposite sex in terms of dating has been through the internet. A friend signed me up for an online dating site as a "gift" because it was obvious to me and all of my other friends that this was the only real way I 'might' have the courage to go on a date.

 

Last night, the same thing happened that has happened with 2 other dates. We went out to dinner, had a great time, and then went to a movie. I think I'm pretty good at doing/saying the right things when the time presents itself, and things seem to go along just fine. I open the doors for my date, try to compliment them (although a lot of the time it creeps me out and I fear creeps them out, when I do this).

 

Anyways, last night we met at the restaurant and had dinner, and then I just drove her to the theater down the street. We both really liked the movie. During it though, there was just no way in hell I could hold her hand, or lean over close to her, or put my arm around her...I was just too paranoid that she'd be creeped out by the move and be finished with me. I'm terrified to make a move that might be interpreted the wrong way and ruin any shot I have of making it to a 2nd, or 3rd, or further date.

 

So we talk about the movie, and the date in general, how we both had a great time, while walking back to my car and during the 2 minute drive back to the restaurant parking lot. We get to the parking lot, by this time everyone else was gone as it was about 1:30 am, and chat a little more in my car. From what I have read on the internet about it, and believe me, that's a lot of stuff, a great time to go in for the first kiss would be when there aren't a bunch of other people in the area. So this seems like it would have been the prime opportunity...

 

I get out of the car to walk her back to hers while we sort of exchange some awkward 'end of date' banter. "Well, I really did have a great time"...*hug* (and then the real FML moment)...I think to myself, "nice, you didn't screw anything up, finish the hug and go on your way and hope for another shot"...I loosen up on the hug after about 2 seconds, and she's still clinging. AWKWARD. She let go after a few more seconds and I sort of backed up to say goodbye, and she had this look on her face like she was CRUSHED that I didn't give a kiss or something.

 

I didn't know what to do so I said goodbye and got in the car and drove home. The whole ride home I was practically punching myself for not being more smooth about it, and now she probably thinks I don't like her. I don't know what to do. I'm almost 26, have only been on a handful of dates, am consistently given the "just friends" line, and still have never kissed a girl.

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It sounds like you did really well. I think it was better to err on the side of caution and not risk kissing her, even though you realized later she had maybe wanted you to. If so, you can fix that by asking her out again. She won't hold that against you if she was interested. You could even mention to her that you're not experienced with dating. I don't see anything wrong with that. It would save misunderstandings. And dont TRY to give compliments if it 'creeps you out'. Dont try to hard at ANYTHING on the date. Try to act natural. Girls get nervous too. Try not to worry, as it sounds like you did great. And don't even worry about things like 'Now is the time I should kiss her'. Let things happen naturally. She might even make the first move some time. All the best.

offplanet

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Awww, what a nice (?) friend.

From the sounds of things it was more just not taking all the possible opportunities, rather than "messing it up" as such. I agree you haven't stuffed up anything - better safe than sorry myself! Because nothing "bad" actually happened, you still have your chance to "fix" things if you personally think you did mess up by just asking her out for a 2nd date. Obviously with that she won't be thinking you don't like her ... and I suppose not to wait much either.

 

 

But hey what would I know, you've had more relationship experience than me already!

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Thanks for the comments, everyone. It is certainly not taking the possible opportunities. I just can't bring myself to. It's like I need to have someone with a cattle prod behind me that forces me to do it. The chances of getting on a date are so few and far between that I don't want to risk messing it up and not getting another shot, EVER. The first person I got to this 'stage' with, I dropped the ball the same way, right after a movie where I believe I had done everything right. I wish the guy didn't have to be the one to do everything first.

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It's like I need to have someone with a cattle prod behind me that forces me to do it. The chances of getting on a date are so few and far between that I don't want to risk messing it up and not getting another shot, EVER.

 

Yep, I know that feeling very well. You'd see that pretty quickly just browsing through eNA

 

But look no reason to call it over here yet, so good luck!

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call her soon! so she knows that you're interested! don't do the 3 day thing. call her the next day, if you haven't. tell her you've had a great time and can't wait to see her again and ask when you can.. then do a bit of small talk and then... kiss her on the next date. i dont think she'll hold it against you either!

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