Should I talk to her?

[Roselio Giron]

This is a repost, since I wasn't really getting much advice before.

 

One of my very good friends always cancels and/or reschedules plans with me at the last minute. She has cancelled our plans twice already. I've been her very close friend for years, and I've never gotten the chance to hang out with her until about a month ago when she called me about wanting to go star-gazing, just the two of us. She tends to cancel plans, regardless of whether I invited her or vice-versa.

 

For the past two nights, we have made plans to order some food and spend some time at a lake outside of town, just so we could be together and get away from everything, but she literally texted me about 20 minutes ago, saying that she needs to cancel it! (I haven't replied back yet because I'm currently frustrated, and I feel like just giving her the cold shoulder) It is getting very tiresome and even though she is one of my closest friends, I do not feel like making or accepting plans with her anymore, even though I've really been wanting to go hang out with her for a long time now. Should I dump her for good? I don't know if she's even aware of her problematic canceling, and I doubt she would be manipulative. She referred to me as one of her closest friends, and is able to confide with me with anything issue she deals with. I don't know what to do?

[anonguy77]

Roselio, I am sorry you must endure this treatment from a so called friend. From your post it is clear you have feelings for this woman. Its pretty low to keep canceling on you every time especially after plans of moonlit nights and romantic getaways. I hate to say it man but it sounds like this girl has made you the fall guy. Repeatedly making plans, especially like those, and canceling them at the last second is inconsiderate and borderline cruel. I know you will ignore my advice but please by god listen. I say cut her off. When you do, she will appreciate you and more than likely will come crawling back. She will be eating out of your hand until you let her walk all over you again. I am telling you man. You must listen to me and just cut her out. Be strong and the you will reap the benefits.

[Roselio Giron]

You're right that I do have feelings for her, but I've made a confession to her about it a week ago. She is just far too busy for a relationship, seeing as how she'll be the president of our National Honor Society, Kansas Youth Club, and being the treasurer of SADD, and also being involved in Choir and having a job as well. Plus, she wouldn't even WANT to date anyone, seeing as how she doesn't really want to commit right now.

 

I can understand being so busy, but either she doesn't have very good time management skills, or she keeps cancelling on me for another reason. She gave me a long text last night how she laments having to cancel our plans and that I don't know how much it hurts her when it happens. I was going to pick her up around 6:30 p.m. (since she texted me saying that she'll have the entire day to be with me after that time), but on my way there, she texted me saying that her mom had planned out her evening instead. I was really frustrated that I didn't bother replying for a couple of hours, and she still kept apologizing.

 

Honestly, I forgave her later on when I finally replied. I was just really looking forward to a nice evening at a lake, just the two of us, and having all that cancelled so suddenly, it hurts...

 

I asked her we could go another time maybe. She responded saying that it won't be anytime soon, sadly. I was sort of expecting that sort of answer.

 

It's just hard to deal with this. Anyway, sorry about my long rant -__-

 

But something tells me I should NOT cut her off, I can tell when she's being sincere about something. She's one of the nicest girls I've ever met.

[anonguy77]

My friend, take it from a guy who has been in your shoes... yes, she's amazing, yes she's nice, yes she's sweet, but she doesn't really appreciate you nor does she have the time for you. You are letting her string you along. This is downright mistreatment, manipulation, or just plain confusion. She tells you she laments but what is she going to do about it? If you are into somebody, you WILL make time for them.

 

You are the guy providing her with everything she needs exactly when she needs it, at any time of day or evening. I beseech you to NOT be that guy. Hold your head up young man. Let's revise your strategy. Don't cut her off, but you need to take a BIG step back. Convince yourself that you deserve better than this. YOU DO! You are looking at her through rose colored glasses man. She has problems just like everyone. She is not perfect. Just the way you describe her tells me you don't need to go stargazing because you have stars in your eyes. Look man, you sound like a really nice guy. Girls love nice guys because when the ones they are really after treat them like crap, they can fallback on the nice guy. The nice guy feels special for a little while, but as soon as the unavailable jerk calls or texts, the nice guy is immediately dropped. Why? Because she knows everything about you, man. There is no mystery. She knows you'd do anything for her. Please listen to me. I don't even have to know you or her to know exactly what's going on here.

 

Bottom line, BIG STEP back until she appreciates you, until she initiates. if she doesn't, that means she just really isn't that into you or at least not like you deserve. Try reality checking yourself and realizing she's not a some goddess. She's just person, and a pretty rude on at that. So it's really not the big loss you imagine.

[Sadly Mistaken]

She might genuinely be busy, but i doubt it especially if its happening often. I would distance yourself from her and see what happens. Friends don't treat each other like that.

[Roselio Giron]

Thanks guys.

 

But I'm just having a hard time knowing what I feel like I should do. I want to put distance between us for a while and see what happens. But she texts me nearly every night, and I'm always eager to text her. She works at a local grocery store that's right by my house, and I literally have to go there EVERYDAY.

 

I feel like either distancing myself from her, or just confront her and being honest about this situation. I'm a bit of a shy person, so yes confrontation is difficult for me to do. Thanks guys.

[anonguy77]

I understand, Roselio. You are clearly a nice young man and I can tell this girl would be totally lucky to have you. You fill an emotional void in her life but she is not mature enough to realize that continually asking that of someone/stringing them along requires some sort of reciprocation otherwise it falls apart. There is a reason you posted on here. Because you are frustrated and your insides tell you you're being taken advantage of. You are ready to not take anymore of it. so there are two things (1) distance or (2) confront her. Girls actually like guys who are direct. You may be shy but you are a guy who knows what he wants so you CAN confront her. you do not want to be the "friend" who gives all and receives nothing. You will not stand for it and in the end, you will do the right thing. But you must heed what we say. She is not as perfect as you think. Keep this in mind before you break down and fall line with her antics. Peace out brutha. Be strong.

[Roselio Giron]

Damn....

It's been almost a week now.

 

She texted me two-three nights ago, the usual. "How have you been, Rosi? " I didn't respond to that at all that night, even though I REALLY wanted to.

 

She texted me last night, same message as usual "Rosi? How are you?" I didn't respond to that either, then around midnight or so, she sent a text saying:

 

"Look, I need to tell you that I feel as if you are avoiding me for idk what reason, but if it as I think, please tell me because remember: we're friends Rosi..."

 

This morning I simply responded "I'm not avoiding you. Just thought I should keep quiet for a while." She hasn't responded since and I'm wishing she would.

 

I feel like I pissed her off or made her sad =(