fivespot Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 Wow I have an awesome lady friend I would like to make my girlfriend. It's a very complicated situation, but let's just say she just broke up with her boyfriend a few months ago and we've been spending A LOT of time together lately. She already knows how I feel about her...I've told her so many times I've got strong feelings for her, so she knows what the deal is. Yet she hangs out with me anyway as if I was just a friend with no feelings. I want to make a move so bad, but I feel like since I've already shown her my hand yet I have no idea how she feels, then she should be the one to make the first move. Or at least invite a first move. Instead of kissing her goodbye, I only ever get a hug. But I'm also not making any moves. I'm worried that if I make a move, she won't like it or would want to stop talking to me or something. Right now I love the fact that I'm close to her and have someone of the opposite sex to hang out with. But I don't want to lose her. Should I maintain things on this slow pace or should I take matters into my own hands? I feel like if she was ready to take things to a new level, things would fall into place a little easier for me. I don't believe I'm in the friendzone. Link to comment
glegend Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 I really want to tell you go for it. However, I was/still in the same postition. Told her how I felt and asked her out, she turned me down. We are still good friends and hang out, but deep down it still bugs me that she turned me down. I felt better before I asekd her out, rather then the two weeks or three weeks its been now. I've accepted it and moved on but still I work with her and she is in my department. So I have to say dont even bother with it. Just to add. I went on break with one of the other cashiers in my department one day and we were talking and all that and once we came back the girl I asked out asks me if I want to go on lunch @ 3 with her. You know it made her jelous that I was spending time with the other cashier and not her. Link to comment
fivespot Posted June 27, 2009 Author Share Posted June 27, 2009 Well I went out with this girl a few times last fall. Then she got serious with the other guy she was dating and I was on the outside looking in. I stopped talking to her for a while after that, but now that she broke up with him, she wants to hang out with me all the time, which we've been doing... And this is after a lot of CAREFUL consideration, believe me. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 Should I maintain things on this slow pace YES! YOu say she broke up with her b/f a couple of months ago so you don't want to end up being a rebound (which is a very common thing to happen, and rarely works out). Enjoy what you have right now. See her as often as she wants and carry on as you have been so far. It has been working well so far, right? I know you want more, but in this case, I think holding on a little longer will probably be the best way to go. She already knows how you feel, so the next move should come from her. Good luck! Link to comment
tastytoothpaste Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 So, you told this chick numerous times how much you want to be with her.......but you're still not. She doesn't want to be with you. I mean that sucks, but it's the way it is. She just got out of a relationship. Let her come to you--she will when and if she wants to. Link to comment
psychoanalytical Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 Yeah I should think I am somewhat ambivalent about this situation. On one hand it would appear to me that if she wanted to be with you she should have agreed by now (if you are spending so much time together). On the other hand she just ended a relationship so you never know what's going on in her head - as in what kind of promises she had made to herself eg. I'm never going to .... again etc. I should think to give her some time. There are no dead lines in this thing so the worst move you could possibly pull would be to shoot yourself in the foot. I would approach her in a mindset where I respect who she is first of all; respect myself as in don't allow myself to be a rebound or the doormat; and actively listen to her - I should think this would be the biggest move you can make at this point - really listen to what she says. The reason would be 1. you get to understand who she is, important strategically for planning your next move; 2. intimacy is built on self-disclosure, and a sense that the other person understands your position. So by nature of you listening to her you two will become more intimate. So basically, be a man, and enhance intimacy passively. Link to comment
Anyway Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 Wow I have an awesome lady friend I would like to make my girlfriend. I have to say this: the other way round is a lot easier. Always make her your girlfriend first ;-). It's a very complicated situation, but let's just say she just broke up with her boyfriend a few months ago and we've been spending A LOT of time together lately. Wrong. Never be the shoulder to cry on for a girl. It's a big turn off. She already knows how I feel about her...I've told her so many times I've got strong feelings for her, so she knows what the deal is. Yet she hangs out with me anyway as if I was just a friend with no feelings. Wrong again. You have to keep your cards to your chest. You won't attract a girl by saying 'I love you'. Might as well do the opposite. I want to make a move so bad, but I feel like since I've already shown her my hand yet I have no idea how she feels, then she should be the one to make the first move. Or at least invite a first move. Ok, one of this guys. You can read any forum you like, the truth is: You have to take a chance, you have to make the first move. If she rejects you. Next. Instead of kissing her goodbye, I only ever get a hug. But I'm also not making any moves. I'm worried that if I make a move, she won't like it or would want to stop talking to me or something. Again. Take the risk and go in for the kiss. Right now I love the fact that I'm close to her and have someone of the opposite sex to hang out with. But I don't want to lose her. Risk, risk, risk... Should I maintain things on this slow pace or should I take matters into my own hands? I feel like if she was ready to take things to a new level, things would fall into place a little easier for me. I think you can answer that yourself. I don't believe I'm in the friendzone. Yes, you are and it will take a lot of work to get out of it. You're either ready to do this or better looking for another gal. Link to comment
goodfoot Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 Wow, your post is basically the definition of "friendzone." You are going to have to make a move. Link to comment
iLiveWithMyMom Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 I kind of agree with Anyway. I don't think you should try to kiss her, but you need to set her down and ask her what her intentions with you are. Don't let her flake out of an answer like all the other times. Girls like this are content to string a guy along for as long as they need a crutch without regard to the guy's feelings. She's totally using you. From everything you've told us, my guess is that she has absolutely no interest in being anything more than friends with you, and she probably already has another bf in her sights. Link to comment
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