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Why does she act like I don't exist?


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Hello everyone, I am almost a year out from my break up with the girl that I loved so much. She has been with the same guy since we broke up and i'm guessing she is happy. I hope she is happy. What I don't understand is why her, and seemingly every other ex I have acts like I never existed and fails to acknowledge my existence. With their other exes they would check up on them, etc. With me its like I'm some evil person, and I dont understand why I get that, since I did so much for them. Any insight?

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For many people once they have moved on, they no longer feel they need to stay in touch with an EX. In a way, it makes sense as why should they still have contact? They have a new life now etc.

 

The other reason is that whatever happened between the two of you, it hurt them enough to stay away and have nothing to do with you anymore. Only they know the reasons why, and whatever it is, it's valid to them.

 

Maybe you too should just move on and not spend so much time worrying about things past. Focus on your future.

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Do not dwell much upon this, after all, you are done with them.

 

You sound a sensitive person. Girls sometimes can be bit insensitive. You are not the focus of their attention and they just dont bother. Maybe they do not ignore you intentionally.

 

Dont take it to heart.

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Well to give it some preface, I just noticed she wasn't listed as my friend on facebook, since last time I was on there and saw her status update, I figured maybe someone messed with something so I sent a friend request, she immediatley asked why I sent it, and I said I just noticed we werent friends since we were thats all.

 

Then she says she doesnt want me in her life, shes happy, that she doesnt want to be reminded of all the crap I put her through. I told her I hope she is happy and if thats how she feels I respect it.

 

I never did anything to hurt her, why would she say I put her through so much crap? How does someone who loves you for over 2 years act like that? Its just so hard to get through my thick skull. I do still love her, I probably always will but I realize she is toxic, she has problems and I am better off finding someone who will treat me right.

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Then she says she doesnt want me in her life, shes happy, that she doesnt want to be reminded of all the crap I put her through. I told her I hope she is happy and if thats how she feels I respect it.

There you go - she gave you an honest and clear answer and you said you would respect that, then you should. Not much you can do now to change things as this is how she feels and she's happy now and wants to move on. I suggest you do the same.

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You know, to be honest, I hope my ex doesn't send me a friend request on Myspace/Facebook/etc. Cause I would say the same thing the OP's ex girlfriend told him. Sometimes, it's better to just close the chapter in our lives and move on past it.

 

I have also learned that people who "check up" on other exes usually don't have any feelings for them anymore. It's so easy to pick up the phone and call them, and not feel unnerved by their voices. The fact that you two spent over 2 years together makes it hard for her to just view you as "just a friend". She'll always view you as "my old boyfriend", you know?

 

So, guys and girls don't check up certain exes, or pretend that "they don't exist" or that they hate them, means deep down they still have a soft spot for them that will probably never go away, exept after a very, very long time has passed.., Or, they are trying to "emotionally protect" themselves from their exes.

 

 

Hope I helped.

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The only thing I can think of that hurt her was the fact that toward the end of our relationship I gave up fighting, she had worn me down so much, I still loved her and wanted to be with her, but I felt that after we broke up I needed to recharge my batteries I guess, and make myself better. After we broke up I went NC for a month or two and she contacted me and talked about wanting to get back together, I let her make the choice, she chose someone else. I let her know how I felt about that and i'm sure that wasnt easy for her.

 

She attempted to talk to me a few months ago and I just acted like it wasnt a big deal, I didnt follow up on it, I talked with her but it was just free and easy, the 2nd time she tried it was for something completley pointless so I just gave a one word response and that was that. For some insane reason she thinks I was trying to be with other girls toward the end of our relationship. I always told her that wasnt true but would not be suprised if for some reason she never let go of that either.

 

Our last weekend together was awful, I didnt do anything to hurt her in my mind, but we did fight alot, and we had a big blow up because I questioned her commitment after she became extremley withdrawn and moody on what was supposed to be a vacation.

 

She has been with this new guy pretty much since we broke up, her personality at first changed completeley, im not sure if thats still the case, but I saw her trying to avoid our breakup, and avoid feeling the pain of it by drinking constantly and surrounding herself with people that didnt care about her but wanted to take advantage of her, but she felt they were her new best friends.

 

I think she is living with him which is odd, but not suprising, considering her parents didnt care about what she did. Shes 19, and I know shes not even close to being mature yet. I would say we both did things that made each other crazy and led to problems but all in all our relationship was pretty good, I saw no need to hate each other after time had passed and we could heal from it.

 

I'm not trying to check up on her, in fact I really haven't for a year, I just had some strong thoughts about her the other day and just wondered about her, I thought maybe it was time to break NC. Fact is I do miss her, but I know someone else is better for me, but I cant believe that until it happens, I think I will always love her, and what is odd is she talks to the rest of her exes like its no big deal, thats why I dont understand her issue with me.

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  • 2 years later...

wow i find this post relevant now

i dated a girl for three months and when we she first dumped me she was glad to be friends afterward but i was sad and clingy after she dumped me (which i completley regret now) and than she said she wouldnt mind if i deleted her from my head which hurt a lot, but i guess im not unique so i shouldnt feel bad for myself but thats the way things are

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My ex bf doesn't act like I exist anymore either. Dated 2.5 years and he asked for a break... became distant and so we broke up. He no longer contacts me and the 2 times he saw me in person he was quick to walk the other direction from me. Last time we talked he seemed like NC was helping him too. What is odd about it all is that he keeps up with all of his other exs, but not me. He de-friended all of my family from facebook, which he is still friends with his other exs families. People tell me its b/c he's got his new gf to keep him occupied and she filled my place... some say he didn't have the balls to face how he hurt me. I like to think it's because it hurts him too much to know what i'm doing and how i am.

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If you're a sensitive person, it hurts to be kicked to the side, makes you feel invalidated if someone you care about can't even give you the same acknowledgment they would some random person off the street. If you either did nothing to hurt them, or at least were honest and sincere in your apologies for hurting them, you've done all you can.

 

It's sad, a shame, and usually undeserved, but it happens. No, it shouldn't happen, but it does. All you can do is deal with it.

 

The important thing is to realize that they're either a) doing it to heal, and not with any malice intended toward you, so you shouldn't hang yourself over it, or b) doing it with malice, and therefore petty, small minded and cruel, and therefore not worth hanging yourself over it.

 

Either way, don't get hung up on it. Remember, you are a valid human being, and no matter how much you care for someone, you can't let anyone take that from you. Easier said than done, but still...

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The only thing I can think of that hurt her was the fact that toward the end of our relationship I gave up fighting...she thinks I was trying to be with other girls toward the end of our relationship..but we did fight alot, and we had a big blow up because I questioned her commitment after she became extremley withdrawn and moody on what was supposed to be a vacation.

 

Well, there are some answers right here, as to why she told you that you put her through a lot of crap and why maybe she holds a lot of anger towards you as compared to other ex's.

 

What's interesting is that you sort of put them out there and then toss them aside like they're no big deal. Believe me, they ARE a big deal. Let's look at them a bit more closely, shall we?

 

You "gave up fighting" towards the end, and you "did fight alot". Maybe to you this is normal, but to me, a good relationship may have some disagreements, but no significant amount of 'fighting'. I wonder how you define 'fighting' anyway? Do you yell, curse, scream, belittle, do the old "silent treatment" thing? Are you physically abusive or a bully? Do you insult her or try to be controlling by dictating her actions?

 

She was concerned you wanted to be with other women. This appears to be a sudden thing, that only happened at the end. Either she's completely irrational, or something you said or did triggered this in her. I'm thinking the latter. Be honest with yourself. Is there anything that might have set her off even if you think her response was out of proportion to whatever it is she thought you might have said or done?

 

Finally, you were "on vacation" and she got all moody and you questioned her commitment to the relationship. That's completely out of line. People get moody and withdrawn, it doesn't mean it's because they're about to walk out the door, it's not necessarily all about YOU, and to question her on that, especially when she WAS moody, rather than being supportive, can have devastating consequences. A better way to handle it might have been "I'm sorry you're not in such a great place right now baby, what can I do to make this better for you, I hate to see you not having a great time during our vacation", as compared to perhaps something along the lines of "What the heck is your problem? Here we are on vacation, we spent all this money, took off time from work, and you're acting the last place you want to be is here with me!".

 

That's just for starters, based on only 3 things you casually threw out as if they were nothing, I'm guessing that's just the tip of the iceberg.

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If you either did nothing to hurt them, or at least were honest and sincere in your apologies for hurting them, you've done all you can.

 

What if you did nothing to hurt them? He asked for a break and was constantly hanging out with another girl during it, so I ended it. I'm the one that got hurt.

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What if you did nothing to hurt them? He asked for a break and was constantly hanging out with another girl during it, so I ended it. I'm the one that got hurt.

 

Ick. Well, it sounds like he wasn't being honest or sincere. Nothing wrong with ending it, and in a case like that, I'd say acting like he doesn't exist is justified. Chances are, he doesn't sound like the type who is agonizing over it anyway, which I think is sad.

 

If he were at least sincere and actually cared though? He at least deserves some acknowledgment before breaking all contact. In most breakups, there's not a "one" who gets hurt, it's both, but yours sounds much different.

 

That said, I'm sorry for what you went through, and I hope time brings healing.

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Ick. Well, it sounds like he wasn't being honest or sincere. Nothing wrong with ending it, and in a case like that, I'd say acting like he doesn't exist is justified. Chances are, he doesn't sound like the type who is agonizing over it anyway, which I think is sad.

 

If he were at least sincere and actually cared though? He at least deserves some acknowledgment before breaking all contact. In most breakups, there's not a "one" who gets hurt, it's both, but yours sounds much different.

 

That said, I'm sorry for what you went through, and I hope time brings healing.

 

I'm not the one that acts like he doesn't exist.... he acts like I don't exist. Oddly, he use to be the guy who would agonize over this kind of stuff. People have told me that he has changed since the breakup from an outgoing funny guy to a quiet subdued guy. In the beginning we both did NC but hadn't talked about doing NC. But about 2.5 months ago (which is the last time we talked) he brought up that he things the NC thing is working and suggested we continue it. It doesn't seem like he was hurt at all considering he was basically talking to his new gf while we were on a break and within a month of the BU had started to plan a 3 week european vacation just the two of them and within 6 months after the BU him and the new gf were officially together.

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