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Friends vs no contact.


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So I have been talking to a few people and they have all given me their point of view.

 

A number of my friends who have gotten back together gained it by being friends. One stayed in contact, and they saw each other 2-3 times a week. He was completely over her for cheating, mucked around, and they got back together a year later.

 

Another broke up with her boyfriend, Nc for a month and he came back asking to be friends. They got back a year later too.

 

Both these now have really strong relationships.

 

I have spoken to a few others and they have said that NC helped them get over their relationship.

 

It seems that although the people in this forum are huge advocates of NC, it may not necessarily win them back? There may be in fact a lot of real world stories where NC may have only played a minor role, but being friends was greater?

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being friends is really important. but in most cases you have to do nc before you can become friends again. i think the nc is important to a point to get your ex to miss you, to appreciate you. then you can start to become friends again which hopefully will lead to a relationship

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You missed the point of NC entirely. It isn't to win them back, it is to put time and space between youl. Sometimes they come back, but that's not the goal. The goal is to get into a healthier state of mind.

 

You want to win someone back? There's no magic trick.

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I'm going through a similar situation right now, and my ex and I both decided NC was best for now.

 

I think it really depends on the situation. Are there a lot of hard feelings between you and your ex? The reason me and my ex have chosen NC is because we know that talking always leads to us getting together and making things more complicated.

 

I think AutumnBorn had a good point about NC. The goal is to get back to the point of being an individual, okay with or without your ex. I have a feeling that only then can you be reasonably expected to have a normal relationship once again.

 

Sometimes being friends is too hard, especially right after the break up. You need time to let the broken pieces smooth out a little bit before you can put them back together safely.

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We always talk about NC being needed to heal yourself - you can't hope to embark on a successful relationship if you are a fractured and damaged individual.

 

You mentioned yourself that one of your friends that successfully reconciled was "completely over" his ex before they got back together.

 

If you're not in the right frame of mind, I think your chances of success with be slim.

 

You seem pretty determined - keep in mind her problem was that you were too clingy.

 

Best of luck!

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That's the question what I have. But the thing is I don't want to be friends with him if he's still with the woman he dumped me for. The pride thing. So that means NC forever as long as they're together. So wonder if NC will completely jeopardize my chance of reconcilation.

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NC wont jeopardise your chances of reconcilliation. The fact that he may still have another girlfriend is what will jeopardise it!!

 

To be honest neither staying friends or going NC is going to help if they have truly moved on but in answer to your question I would go for NC as giving you the most chance of reconcilliation as only then will he know how much he really misses you. All the while you remain in his life you are not giving him the chance to feel the loss. And after all if they really want us they know where we are - but thats just my opinion based on my own experience.

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As I mentioned in another post, I debate that all the time. In terms of a GIGS or wuss out break up, I think NC is best since it allows the dumpee to gain strength back while the dumper will wonder where the heck you went. Long ago, an ex and I remained friends and almost got back together... but then he realized, hey she is around me anyway, so what's the issue? He eventually moved on to someone else. Friendship can make a relationship stronger indeed, but it truly does depend on the situation. While the NC thing is killing me in regards to the ex now, I know it's for the best at the moment. He needs to figure out what he really wants and grow up some and I need to become stronger as well.

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Yeah, it's killing me too but I agree that it's the right way to go in some situations. It's not about making them miss you necessarily, it's more about giving you both time to clear your heads and figure out what you want.

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NC all the way is the best thing. Don't even consider being friend with that person because you always hope that there is a chance.

 

Just try to heal and find someone else you will love you. The important thing is don't allow the same mistakes to take place in your next relationship.

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NC is to prevent you from doing silly things after the breakup that may push your ex further away; to help you avoid unnecessary pain, especially right after the breakup when the wound is still fresh; to make the healing faster.

 

A long period of NC (6 months at least) is required if you're looking for a healthy reconciliation. Otherwise even if you get back together things will crash and burn again sooner or later.

 

However, at some point you have to become friends again - I'm not saying best buddies, just friends - with your ex, that's for sure (if you would like a reconciliation). NC is required so that you can have a nice, healthy friendship with your ex (even if you like her) instead of something that only causes you pain.

 

Basically, NC is to go back to the point where you and your ex first met...you start fresh from friendship and hope it will lead to something bigger, but you won't kill yourself if it doesn't happen.

 

Just my 2 cents of course.

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As I mentioned in another post, I debate that all the time. In terms of a GIGS or wuss out break up, I think NC is best since it allows the dumpee to gain strength back while the dumper will wonder where the heck you went. Long ago, an ex and I remained friends and almost got back together... but then he realized, hey she is around me anyway, so what's the issue? He eventually moved on to someone else. Friendship can make a relationship stronger indeed, but it truly does depend on the situation. While the NC thing is killing me in regards to the ex now, I know it's for the best at the moment. He needs to figure out what he really wants and grow up some and I need to become stronger as well.

 

Same reasons for me. My ex is still with the girl he ditched me for. Plus I am over the phase of going back and forth about giving this another chance or not. I think I found my answer and I know that I will be okay and will love again. It's just timing...

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NC all the way is the best thing. Don't even consider being friend with that person because you always hope that there is a chance.

 

Just try to heal and find someone else you will love you. The important thing is don't allow the same mistakes to take place in your next relationship.

 

Back in the early stages of the break up when I was in denial about everything I didn't see the nugget of wisdom this break up will eventually give me. Now after all these months I finally see the light and appreciate the pain because I was able to reflect on some of the things about myself and made changes and improvements. Things will be okay for me that's for sure.

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Back in the early stages of the break up when I was in denial about everything I didn't see the nugget of wisdom this break up will eventually give me. Now after all these months I finally see the light and appreciate the pain because I was able to reflect on some of the things about myself and made changes and improvements. Things will be okay for me that's for sure.

 

congrats, same for me

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