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Does NC make him think I'm angry with him?


Thornbirds18
Dream about your ex
Dream about your ex

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and thus he thinks I don't want to have anything to do with him, and then he'll respect what I want? Now most of my anger is subsided and I actually begin to think about the breakup from his point of view. I start to have sympathy and understanding of his dilemmas and agonies (however, I don't think I can ever forgive the other woman simply because of her inconsiderate and malicious behavior of trying to get him back). I think that his heart was broken too. Since I love him so much if he's happier with her let them be. But my heart is still going through so much pain, though not as fresh as a month ago. I just know that he loved me very much and tried to be with me, but things will be so easy for him if he chose her. Actually I feel somewhat happy for them because now he can have his job, his mom, his woman, and most importantly his daughter without him relocating. He's just too comfortable to change, so I don't blame him no matter how much his actions and words hurt me. Most people are pragmatists and selfish anyways.

 

NC for me is to heal, maintain my dignity, and protect myself from further agony, but is it possible for the dumper to have different interpretation for my silence and cruelty? For example, I deleted all his relatives from my facebook without saying a word, even if they're very close to me. I got rid of 95% of the things that can remind me of him and the rest of 5% was hiding somewhere.

 

I know I shouldn't break NC, especially now I don't know whether he's in another relationship or not. I don't know the future no matter how much I believe that we are meant to be together. But sometimes I wonder if NC will be forever and ever...It's hard not to even talk to the person you loved so much for the rest of the life!

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NC for me is to heal, maintain my dignity, and protect myself from further agony, but is it possible for the dumper to have different interpretation for my silence and cruelty?

 

Exactly - it's for you to heal, in a way which makes sense for you. It's an opportunity for you to heal, without repeatedly pulling off the scab. Who knows what interpretation he will put on your lack of contact? In any case, the way he interprets it will be a reflection of his feelings, rather than yours, and a statement of who he is, rather than who you are. It will be his stuff, his issues to deal with.

 

For now, you need to focus on YOU, your healing, your values, the opportunities for growth open to you. It's your future path which is important here. Let him take care of himself - it's not yours to deal with!

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I don't want to be friends with him or talk to him whatsoever as long as he's with her. So this means if they get married and are happily after he's completely dead to me. It's just hard to think that and I know it'll be a miracle if he comes back even if they don't work out.Because both of us are very stubborn with tons of pride.

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maybe there is someone even better out there for you?

 

Maybe...but I don't know. I couldn't imagine that any future relationships would bear such greater chemistry than that between us. We held hands wherever we went, we traveled together a lot, we goofed around, we dreamed about sailing around the world when we get old, we did job hunting but in vain, we talked about saving to buy a beach house and raise a bunch of kids, and we had so many moments of loving memories. But they're all gone. Sad but at least I knew we once loved each other with all our hearts and we dreamed our dreams together although the reality is too cruel.

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There may be chemistry with another guy, but I still believe that when you meet someone very special, a part of you remains with them. The innocence of experiencing new things with someone diminishes. I'm not saying that anyone should hold on to what is not there anymore, but thinking of moving on with someone else when your heart is not ready is not healthy as well. So take care of yourself, I'm sure many people are out there and on this board that feel the same.

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