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Newlyweds-already a fight


gabybag5
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this ...
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this First

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Hi I'm new to this but I need some advice! So we got married on the 13th and everything has been good. We got back from our honey moon on Sunday of this week. So we had a day or two to recoup. and then his parents invite themselves over from 4 hrs away on Tuesday night. So that was our first day back to work. So I was a little irritated about that but that's not the advice I need...but if you have any that's great! So on Wednesday he left for work out of town and was going to be back thursday night (tonight) or Friday morning. So I get a call from him today saying that some of his buddies up where his job is, are having a basketball tournament friday and he isn't coming back now till Saturday night. This is what is relaly making me upset. We have barely got anytime to be at home as a newly married couple. It's just killing me first that I am alone, but I know I should suck it up, but also, that when we think back to our first week back in the real world as a married couple it's going to be that we weren't together. I don't know if I am being selfish or what but, being the girl that I am, I have been crying and just being annoy to myself, lol. Any advice please would help, thanks!

 

Gaby

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Aww don't cry!! I know that must be frustrating. Can you talk to him about all of this? Just know that you're married, it's going to work if you make it work, and he loves you more than anything else in this world.

 

I know it seems like guys do that kind of stuff and then don't understand why we're upset. It's not just him, it's a guy thing (I'm going to get butchered for this cuz I'm "generalizing" but whatever y'all, it's got a lot of truth to it).

 

Instead of being really upset, why not go out with the girls that night? Just enjoy the fact that y'all are married but you haven't become one PERSON. You still have your individual lives and damnit you're gonna live yours too. If he makes a habit of leaving you all alone like that, you really should stress to him that it's making things very difficult for you.

 

I think you're just feeling super emotional right now because of all these new adjustments. It'll all work out. Your man is coming home to you. Do your own thing and have fun until then.

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Next year you are not going to think about your first married week together. I promise, you'll barely remember it and it won't be that significant, unless something significant happens like, 'Oh that's the week we got pregnant'. I only remember the day after the wedding.

 

I think Southern is right. Go do something fun for yourself. Take the focus off of him completely and put it on you.

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Perhaps you'd be happier on a going forward basis if you could both agree that in general, you won't commit to spending time apart from each other until you've discussed it with each other first?

 

If he feels stifled by something like that then i guess it won't work. It's just this is the way of doing things that my H have just fallen into, without ever saying we were going to do things that way, and I find it works really well. I know I feel like he's always taking me into consideration and that I'm the first priority.. which in turn makes me feel waaay happier and more emotionally generous with what I'm genuinely happy for him to do.

 

But this works for us cause we're happy doing things that way. If one of you would feel stifled doing it that way, it won't work. But perhaps run it by him and see how he feels.

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I can understand that you feel a little put out, but really, don't make it more than it really is. So, he's coming home one day later than planned - it's really not such a big deal (imo). These things happen sometimes and people just go with the flow - this time he happens to be joining the guys for a basketball tournament. It's fun! One day the same thing can happen to you when something unexpectedly happens to come along and you'd love to join your group of girls on something or other. Just because you're married doesn't have to mean that life stops and you can no longer go out with the boys/girls.

 

Don't make a big issue out of it and cause unnecessary fights. He'll eventually feel smothered and you'll push him away.

 

This is one of the very very minor issues you'll be faced with in a marriage - I can guarantee you, there are a LOT worse things. In a year's time you won't even remember it. How you handle it now, will give you an idea how you'll handle the really big serious things in the future.

 

Go out with the girls and have a lovely time!!

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I think one of the most important lessons about marriage is that nobody can be everything to another person (and would probably go crazy trying). You'll both have a happier, more balanced life if you have friends and interests of your own, along with the ones you share.

 

He may not see the first week at home as a married couple as a big deal. He probably thought the wedding and the honeymoon were the big deal!

 

Why does his work take him out of town?

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At least he is going to do something fun and healthy!

 

Now this didn't happen in my first week of marriage but... like six months back I get a call from hubby that he's been asked out with the guys after work - to a "gentlemen's club." Inside I was like but I figured, might as well roll with it and act like a wife would. After he got home he told me about the experience and I could tell he wasn't impressed with the whole thing and that nothing happened (also he's never been much for porn, magazines, or exotic dancing - he's more like your hubby and wants to do sports). He didn't go again and we didn't discuss it again.

 

My point in telling you this is twofold: 1) at least he's not calling you to go to a strip club (i.e., it could be worse!) and 2) Sometimes just go along and see what happens after. Maybe he'll come home and say, "I really missed you and next time I won't stay the extra day." Give him a chance. When one partner travels for business (my hubby and I have both done it) it takes a bit to develop the routine, but 95% of the time it gets to be a grind (either right away or eventually) and you start declining extracurricular invitations and rushing home to your family.

 

So, I wish you all the best in this situation and hope you have a long, healthy, and happy marriage ahead of you.

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