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Any way to know if you will be compatible living together?


konstantine

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My boyfriend and I are planning to get a place together at some point in the future once we have a steady income. I'm really excited about this. What I am wondering is if there are any "signs" to show if we would be good living together or not. I know that even some couples who are really in love drive each other up the wall when living in the same house. I really hope that won't be the case!

 

I have "lived" with him for about 10 days at a time sometimes, which I understand is basically nothing in the grand scheme of things, but it's something. I found it to be incredibly enjoyable. We worked together really well, didn't fight, and we both commented on how right it felt to be able to relax together without having to schedule set times to meet up, etc.

 

Can this be any indication that we would be good living together? Or is it just too short of a time to mean anything? What things did you look for before moving in together that made you think it would work?

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I honestly don't believe in true compatibility when you're living together. You just have to both learn to compromise and not be petty about things. My mom and I lived together most of our lives and we couldn't be any more different from each other. But we learn and fight... a lot, but we def learn.

 

The only sign I think is worth anything is how easy going either of you are. If you're not hung up on petty things, etc.

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I've heard before that couples who don't live together until they are married are more likely to be happy/stay together. I don't know where that info comes from...but I personally think I'd prefer to live with someone before marrying them.

 

How long have you been together?

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Fair enough! I plan to do it either way (as long as no big problems arise) but I know there will be compromises along the way.

 

hockeyboy - I have heard that too, although I don't think I could marry someone without living together at least for a LITTLE bit before the wedding. As someone else said, you don't truly know someone until you live together! We have been together 2 years.

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I honestly don't believe in true compatibility when you're living together. You just have to both learn to compromise and not be petty about things..

Exactly. It's not about compatibility... it's about comprise. If you know how to deal with each other's flaws and arguments, then you are off on a very good start.

 

I've heard before that couples who don't live together until they are married are more likely to be happy/stay together. I don't know where that info comes from...

If this is true, then explain the reasons for divorce. There is a high divorce rate in the US... so I have to call bullsh*t on that piece of information.

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If this is true, then explain the reasons for divorce. There is a high divorce rate in the US... so I have to call bullsh*t on that piece of information.

 

Not to defend it, because I said I don't agree with it.....but divorce rate stats include both couples that lived together before marriage and couples that did not, no?

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I can't remember where I read this, so don't quote me on it, but the article said that the reason couples that live together first don't do as well is because they are used to living to gether on a month by month basis. They pay the rent, and they can stay together for that month. That month goes well so they pay rent for another month, and so on. They know they can leave if it gets bad. Supposedly that mentality gets stuck with them even when they get married.

 

I don't know if that's true or not. I'd probably want to live with someone before marrying them too.

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Not to defend it, because I said I don't agree with it.....but divorce rate stats include both couples that lived together before marriage and couples that did not, no?

This is true. I suggest looking at statistics of seeing how many couples who live together are married and ones who aren't.

 

But at the same time, which is more "safer?" Living together before marriage and finding out that it's not working out, or getting married moving in... things don't work out and filing for a divorce (which is very expensive)? That's why a lot of couples are moving in before marriage to see if they can handle each other in a housing environment.

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Married people are more likely to have given more thought to what the marriage commitment means and have made a conscious decision to making it work forever. People who just live together always have in the back of their mind that they can easily pack up and just leave.

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This is something I've wondered as well over the years, but just realized that the more things we endure, overcome, work through all show how things may go. Things also like communication, compromise and the way you are in your relationship can perhaps indicate how they would be with things that may arise when you live together.

 

I would say to also discuss things in advance, like expenses, time frames, life goals, etc.

 

But like mentioned, there is only one way to truly know, and thats by doing it.

But I think what you've gone through as a couple, the time you've spent together, what you've learned about him and your relaitonship style can help make you feel more at ease and secure about taking the next step.

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My boyfriend and I are planning to get a place together at some point in the future once we have a steady income. I'm really excited about this. What I am wondering is if there are any "signs" to show if we would be good living together or not.

 

I think some signs for me were:

1) We both had very similar attitudes (i.e. relaxed) about messiness. We're both people who naturally build up clutter and will wait till things get a bit messy before doing a big tidy up. Neither of us will completely neglect tidying but we won't be neurotic about it either. So similar attitudes to the state of your home is a good sign.

 

2) He lived with his parents and brother before we got married and moved in together but I knew he had always done a share of household chores and saw that as an important (though unpleasant) responsibility that he never shirked.

 

And it's been very smooth sailing these last 5 months.

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I have "lived" with him for about 10 days at a time sometimes, which I understand is basically nothing in the grand scheme of things, but it's something. I found it to be incredibly enjoyable.

 

That is a good sign. I think if you are both roughly on the same page in terms of how you like the house kept, the level of privacy you want, the finances etc you will do well.

 

I've heard before that couples who don't live together until they are married are more likely to be happy/stay together.

 

This is an oft quoted piece of research. It's not in fact what the research says. It says they divorce sooner than those who don't. The actual percentage over the long term of couples who live together vs those who don't staying married is about the same.

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