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Nobody I know will want to help until it's too late


Rotting Corpse

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Never be the reason for someone'...
Never be the reason for someone's tears

This is one of the things that saddens me. I always ask myself, "Why will they cry when I'm dead but shed not a tear while I'm alive and so miserable?" Nobody can know the severity of your problem until it's too late. Everybody thinks when I talk of killing myself that it's not serious and that it'll never happen. It's almost as if they're daring me to do it, yet I know if I did they would want to take what they said back then.

 

The only thing that keeps me going is cowardice. If I was 100% sure that I would be instantly unconscious, I would proceed with the method I obsess about but will not disclose as I think that's a violation of the rules or something.

 

It's just terrible that people can't see the future before it happens. If people could see that I'll be laying there dead, the sense of urgency would be greater. They would ease off and not keep pushing me toward the grave, but they don't know the truth.

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I don't think anyone realises just how bad of a time we can have sometimes. If you tell people you feel like crap I think they just assume you're having a bad day, like one they had last week or whatever.

 

I have had thoughts too and the only that has stopped me from doing it is my mother. I know she would never cope with it and I couldn't and wouldn't put her through that.

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From what you have said, I get a little bit of a "I told you so" sort of vibe. Like you want to prove to them just how severe it was. Why are you so concerned about what they think anyways?

 

And, what are they doing to push you to the grave? Unless you are being seriously mistreated, that sounds like a bit of a cop out to me. But, are you talking about their lack of help?

 

I guess this is just so opposite from my own thought process. I was very concerned with how they would feel if they found me dead or came to know I was. Never a "see! I really was depressed and you dropped the ball" type of thing. More, dear god, I never want them to think what if. Never want them to be hurt or scarred as a result of my own internal pain.

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Im going to add before you reply. Don't sit around waiting for them to help. They may never. You need to start now in advocating for your own health. Get to a therapist. Get on medications if they feel you need it and you want to give that a try. Start to work out. Try to break your rut. Think of something you might enjoy and do it. No matter what they think, and no matter what they do, you need to make the change. And only you can.

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There is the pre concieved notion that truly suicidal people never tell anyone they are suicidal. That's obviously not always true. It makes it hard for people who are really feeling how you are feeling to get anyone to listen.

 

I have often thought this too. I think if you were determined to do it, you would go away and just do it. I'm not saying the ones who tell people don't feel suicidal but I think it's a desperate cry for help more than anything else.

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And, what are they doing to push you to the grave? .......that sounds like a bit of a cop out to me. But, are you talking about their lack of help?

 

I have social anxiety problems. I am very nervous around people, yet they keep pushing me into these terribly anxiety provoking situations such as trying to force me to talk to women. I would love to be able to, but I can't. Too nervous. I am too messed up for that right now. I'm tired of everybody treating me like a freak or getting upset with me for refusing to go after women at this time.

 

And they say things like, "sounds like a cop out to me" or "sounds like you don't want to change" or "just do it, just man up". I can't do that. My nerves will not allow it. It would be helpful if they realized I had big trouble with this kind of thing and it would be best if they would back off.

 

I get made fun of, laughed at, called stupid, etc, but I know these people are not bad. They think it's all in good fun, but I come home and am demoralized day after day because of this stuff. If they knew how far down I'm getting or that I might really kill myself (I have told them many times I wish I was dead), I believe they would take it easy, which is what I need right now.

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It's mainly me causing the problem for being inadequate as a person, but it would be easier to live with if people didn't rub it in everyday. Maybe they're doing it for a reason. Maybe they really do want rid of somebody like me. I couldn't blame them if they did, but somehow I believe they would not be happy if they got a phone call saying, "He won't be into work anymore. He killed himself yesterday."

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This really shouldn't be enough to push you so far.. is there something else going on as well? Sounds like though, your anxiety is really escalating the situation which is something that can be beyond your control. I would really suggest therapy in that case.

 

Also, saying "I wish I was dead" doesn't really send a clear message because people will say that often as a sort of joke.. oddly enough. If you really want them to know you are seriously suicidal, you have to be straight with them and say "I have really been considering killing myself." If I were you, I would start out telling one person you trust. Don't just announce it to the world because.. some people are cruel. Be selective in who you let in.

 

Are you happy single or can you be?

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I was about to say the above !

 

It looks like you just need your time to get accomodated to things. Like women for example. However, your friends are putting some severe pressure on you and you feel like you are rushing everything because you can't do it at your own pace.

 

Sentences like "man up" or "don't be a whimp" are easily said. Because people tend to only see their own point of view. If you aren't like them, you're like an ackward outcast. They want you to act like them because otherwise it makes THEM look weird.

 

Deep inside people are like sheeps, they all follow eachother and want to be the same. If you run out of the pack, you are an easy target and you get eaten.

 

You are right about people not being bad. They just don't realise the pain they're causing. I don't think you are the problem. You feel demoralised because you are a misunderstood person.

 

The only advice I could give you, if other people are the problem is to not be a sheep. Embrace your inner geek If people want you to act in a certain way, do the opposite of what they want ! Just don't let THEM control YOUR life. It's funny, I recognize myself in the thing you say ... because I'm a compulsive suicidal person aswell with the same issues as you probably.

 

It's getting better and that's because of one thing: I care this much about what people say or think about me. Every time they say bad things about me I turn it into something hilarious.

 

For every time they laugh at you, you should gain in power ! Because it just means you're the center of their attention. No honestly, it really helped me against suicide to just make fun at the hilarous world we live in ^^

 

What do you think ?

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I missed out a part of the conversation but about the the telling people you're about to kill yourself thing:

 

My personal experience with this is pretty bad. Most people will not take you seriously. Alot of them don't know how to talk to suicidal persons and the only thing they'll do is deny the problem which of course is a pretty meager consolement for someone who wants to kill himself.

 

Alot of people will also judge you pretty quickly. I just wanted to say that you might end up disappointed in talking with others. People will also give you this weird look once they know you're suicidal

 

I'd suggest you to do it only with a specialist or someone close like a parent. In my cased it's my mother and sister. They're also the only one that know. I sincerely hope you have someone to talk to but you better find someone you can really, really trust.

 

Edit: just noticed I said the same as Suzzy. Sorry it's 3.00 Am here and It's hard to stay focused

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Whether they like it or not, I'm going to end up telling them the truth. I already have and will continue to. The truth always comes out one way or another anyhow. They will continue to put the pressure on and I will just lay it all out there on the table and that will be that. It will be embarrassing, they may make it worse than it already is, but that's what's going to happen.

 

Worst case scenario, they'll call the white coats on me and lock me up. Maybe then I'll finally get to talk to somebody or get the pills I need. Of course it will probably cost me my job and I'll be a poor homeless bum........can't win.

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^You know you aren't making a prudent choice. Don't just say, this is how it is going to be and not even try to take the advice given. Don't wait until you are in the hospital to get help because I don't even think they would admit you.

 

You have to be in imminent danger of killing yourself or tried to kill yourself right before. Or, you have to be both suicidal and totally disconnected from reality. I was hospitalized against my wishes (well if I could have thought for myself), and it isn't a place you want to be.

 

Take the first step first. Don't just jump to the last. And seriously, you don't want to live with the stigma of being that suicidal guy. I'm not saying bottle it up inside but be selective.

 

If you need to, stop hanging out with these people. Why would you let them cost you your life or your job? To hell with them I say. Focus on yourself and get YOU better. Don't just throw it away.

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I have to be around them at work. I work with them on the same floor and they walk into my office. OK, I will not come right out and tell them then. I will sit there and just not say anything and let them figure it out on their own. I will let them think I'm gay or I'm stupid or whatever it is they think now is the reason I won't do what they're wanting me to do.

 

See, I can't do this. I would rather them think I was a killer, a criminal, anything but gay. I can't stand people thinking I'm gay. I'm not, but I'm afraid of women. Afraid of everyone as a matter of fact, but scared to death to talk to a woman, at least if it's a situation where it can be construed as me pursuing her. I can talk to my mom or this one 41 year old woman at work who's already married. There's no pressure in those situations.

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Look at my profile picture. I am a woman. You are talking to me. I'm a perfectly normal person and not intimidating to at least type to. Most women are the exact same.

 

You could be upfront with them and just say "Look you guys, enough with the pushing women on me. I don't want to pursue a relationship right now" or a simple "p*** off" would work. Who really cares what they THINK you are. What matters is what you are.

 

If I were you though, I would just use some humor .. "oh yess you know me boys, I love me-self some yummy men. What are YOU doing tonight? "

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haha ok don't take it bad but this is hilarious, I have the SAME kind of retarded people at work. I have been single for 3 years and because they never hear me brag about any kind of sexual exploit they think I'm gay too. I know how you feel man *gives a non-gay hug*

 

Let me tell you something.

 

These people are obviously the reason you feel bad. I'm quoting:

They will continue to put the pressure

they may make it worse than it already is

 

Now it seems that you wan't to punish yourself with death, for something THEY did to you ? I mean, does this looks honnest to you ? You feel bad because THEY can't understand the way you think or act. You aren't gonna let them win this aren't you ?

 

I've made a thread about this I remember, about how peoples opinion can affect a person. The only thing I could say is: Be what you are. Make fun at yourself or at what they say, it will take away every feeling of power they have over you. I know this gay stuff is mostly joking but sometimes it turns out to be bullying. Bullies don't only exist at school.

 

What about telling them how you feel ? It doesn't have to be a complex explanation. Just something like: "I don't like the way you talk to me" or "It's makes me sad that you think of me that way". People tend tto act differently when feelings are involved. Of course this might not work aswell

 

What you could do them is comfront them with their own statements. If they say you're gay just ask them stuff like "What makes you think I'm gay?" and always respond to their answers with logical answers. Just because they have to EXPLAIN why they make fun of it, takes away some of their power. They could answer with "Because you just don't seem to hit the spot with women". Then you could say something like: "And is that a problem to you ?" Something really cold and cool.

 

You'll see ... their jokes will just turn ackward if you confront them in a logical way.

 

Anyway, I don't think you should pay for their stupidity

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Look at my profile picture. I am a woman. You are talking to me. I'm a perfectly normal person and not intimidating to at least type to. "

 

Typing and talking in person are worlds different to me. I saw your picture. If you were standing in front of me, I would be so intimidated that I couldn't breathe. I think that good looking women look at me and think, "Fat blob of nasty, wow I wish all of the nasties like him would just die." Maybe they don't really think that, but my mind tells me that's what they think so even if they don't, they might as well.

 

I put myself in their shoes. I think if I was good looking, I would think terrible thoughts about ugly people. I wouldn't wish death on them, but I would be thinking to myself, "How do they even leave the house?" See what I mean? So maybe I'm getting what I deserve for being an evil person, even though since I'm ugly myself I project these thought onto myself instead of on other people.

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If I were you though, I would just use some humor .. "oh yess you know me boys, I love me-self some yummy men. What are YOU doing tonight? "

 

Hilarious response btw. See that's the way you should take. Just make fun at EVERYTHING !

 

Some guy at school was also saying that I was gay. In response I gave him a wink and I kissed in his direction His face was like o_O ... but he remained silent after.

 

Another screamed my name when I entered the schoolgate. He was with all his friends and of course he yelled at me in hope to have me just walk away in fear. ( he was also a bully ). I stepped in his direction, took out a piece of paper and a pen and wrote down my signature on the paper. Then I gave it to him. Then I said: "This is for my most trusted fan, since you always want my attention ... keep giving me attention, I love it's your very important task as my fanboy" Then I winked at him and stepped away

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I understand what you're saying. But aren't we talking about thoughts only ? What if they actually had the chance to talk to you. Do you think they would still think the same ? In the end, everyone has prejudices about people they don't know.

 

Looks matter ... to a certain degree. It's also subjective. Some people like it this way, other that way. There isn't really one description for what "goodlooking" means. Let's say it's a blank space that you can fill up yourself.

 

Back to what people think of you. Do you think they all think the same way ? How can you be sure ? You project your own thoughts in them but do those thought really have a right to exist ?

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I think they all think the same way, maybe not exactly but close enough that it can be approximated to "we think you're a terrible piece of crap that we unfortunately have to be burdened with until you develop a terminal disease or die in some kind of accident, really we would hire a hit man if it was legal, that's how much we hate the sight of you, the sound of you, everything about you, you terrible stupid idiot."

 

That's what I think people think, and if they don't tell me they think it then I think they're lying to me, waiting until I leave the room, then bee boppin' and scottin' all over me behind my back.

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I probably will. That doesn't mean I'm killing myself this very minute. It just means they will continue laughing and making fun of me because I'm too big of a creme puff to stand up for myself.

 

What you say sounds like fatality. But does it have to be like that ? Your future is a blank page that you can fill up yourself, why would you chose to write that into it ?

 

On the other side, I know that your problem can't be helped by only yourself. It would be to easy to say what your co-workers say. You know .... "man up" and stuff like that. You need some positive experiences. even it's only 1 good amongst 1000 bad. It will show you that it CAN tun out differently. What about learning again ? About how to be less anxious. It's a slow proces that you can learn actually ^^

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I think they all think the same way, maybe not exactly but close enough that it can be approximated to "we think you're a terrible piece of crap that we unfortunately have to be burdened with until you develop a terminal disease or die in some kind of accident, really we would hire a hit man if it was legal, that's how much we hate the sight of you, the sound of you, everything about you, you terrible stupid idiot."

 

That's what I think people think, and if they don't tell me they think it then I think they're lying to me, waiting until I leave the room, then bee boppin' and scottin' all over me behind my back.

 

But why exactly do you think that's what these people think of you ? Just because you think you're ugly ?

 

Somehow I am happy that most people have no problem with ugly people. Otherwise we'd have to kill 90% of earthpopulation ! Only the Hollywood models would survive

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