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adult couples with bipolar disorder, etc. having child??

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I am just, at this point, looking for support- is there anyone here who deals with bipolar disorder, panic disorder (mania, depression, panic attacks) as a FUNCTIONING ADULT? is there anyone here who deals with this, and is with someone who does?


My fiance and I both deal with this...I am on medication recently now that I've realized these probems were not a phase of being a teenager but a disfunctioning part of me. He is not yet, he is just coming to peace with the fact that he needs to be on medication again..No other person could probably handle either of us on our bad days, but it is hard to love each other so much, to have 2 severely depressed people in a house together, dragging each other down because we hate to see the other in pain. It's hard to find the motivation to get up, get dressed, go to work, feed and take out the dog...


We just decided the other day (a good day), that as soon as we're married next summer we want to try for our first and only baby. (I will be 21 then, he almost 24) I'm realizing fears about this too. Bipolar disorder is hereditary. Will our child resent us for having to likely grow up and depend on medication to function? Will we be able to handle the stress of parenthood, will we get depressed, what if we get depressed, etc.


I know this is long, I just hope there is someone out there who deals with this on a day to day basis.



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Well well. I'm the perfect candidate for your question... I'm not a couple... I'm actually a single mother of two children. (Though my ex has some anxiety/depression issues, not bi-polar though) Not only am I bi-polar, but I have been diagnosed with Adult ADHD as well. (I'm thinking I've always had it, just never got diagnosed) I'm currently not medicating as I have issues with remembering to take meds, skipping doses, etc... I tried for a few months a couple years ago and it just didn't work very well so I just gave up on them altogether. It has gotten pretty bad though so I'm thinking of starting up again.


To answer your question, it is difficult. Knowing I have these problems helps a little, but it doesn't change the fact that I have my extreme moods, lack of concentration, lack of drive (mostly during bad depressive states but that rarely happens) and much more. My brain is chemically imbalanced and no matter how much others (who don't know what it's like) think or feel about it, it's something I cannot change.


My depression was really bad 4-5 years ago, but it has gotten significantly better. I don't go through the lack of motivation, lack of drive, etc anymore... but the one thing that didn't go away and actually has gotten worse was my aggravation level. And that unfortunately is the most important one that needs changing because it is what affects my family life.


My ADHD wouldn't really pertain to your question since it mostly has to do with my inconsistency with disciplining my children, so I won't say much about it. But my mood swings is what affects us. I am divorced and had to move in my my parents so I can save enough money to buy a house soon, and unfortunately, although undiagnosed, I know my mom is bi-polar too. She's actually WAY worse than me with aggravation issues and won't admit she has a problem. It's really bad for my kids because she yells at them a lot on her off days. Then when I tell her to calm down, she blames THEM for her being angry. I keep trying to tell her she has issues, and to learn about it, but she's from a different generation so she knows nothing of mental illnesses...


Anyway, there's way more stuff to cover. Oh, and yes, I am a functioning adult. I do have a full time career and so forth... I just have mood issues.


I'd really like to help more but it'll be a long post. If you're interested, PM me and we can chat on the phone or something.

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  • 6 months later...

My husband and I both have degrees while having all the signs of bipolar, and he's had his "good" job for 20 years. The people in our work environments notice our "moodiness", but when we have acknowledged to our friends that we have intolerances to substances, we are met with incredulence.


I also mentioned some of my symptoms to my mother (also undiagnosed bipolar) and she called me a liar. I'm realizing that my 3 year old daughter is exhibiting the paranoia and manic behaviour (waking in the middle of the night then staying up all night chatting) so I'm guessing the chances of her not getting this from two parents who obviously have the disorder are pretty remote now. Having said all this, I need to tell you that I'm currently undiagnosed and untreated.


I'm definitely feeling isolated and alone while at the same time I find a great deal of comfort in my partner as he seems to "get" me. He is also undiagnosed and untreated, he also feels isolated and alone. We call each other on our "crazy" behaviour but we also acknowledge that whatever we are going through is completely real to us. It seems to help our daughter to have her unrealistic notions of persecution acknowledged by us while we also explain the other realities of each situation (when there is time to do so). We teach her our coping strategies (i.e. deep breathing through anxiety, and not acting on her cycling sense of persecution).


Even though I feel a lot of guilt about having "given" her these problems, i try to remember that I'm also in a better position to help her learn to cope than my mother could with me. All in all I think that her chances of living a more "normal" life are good. Now we just have to get treatment and work through this as a family. I look forward to any advice you might have.

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